I'm afraid my friend's man is ruining my relationship with her!

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My best friend's man and I have issues with one another. He apparently "hates" me, even though I'm not open about my feelings for him and try to be polite when he's around. My issues with him stem from the way he has treated me in the past (he went off on a massively disrespectful diatribe directed at me and another one of her friends one night; and then he never apologized), drug use that he claims is in the past, and an overall lack of direction in his life outside of partying, just to name a few. It really has nothing to do with their relationship, but more that I just don't like him as a person. Despite my personal feelings, I respect their relationship. She loves him and has told me repeatedly that he is "the one." Her happiness is all that is important to me. We don't talk as much as we used to (which I don't blame on him), and I rarely visit her (she lives a considerable distance away) anymore because he insists on making his presence known (meaning, he won't let us be alone together). The last time I did visit, they were fighting in the other room, and I heard her yell, "Well (my name) is here." I feel as though simply my being there was the cause of their fight, and because I do not want to be blamed for their problems, I just keep my distance. I've tried to do the mature thing and talk to her about it, but she got mad and started crying (a rarity for her) and threw things. I spoke with her a few days ago on the phone, and she gave me her now habitual "I know you have a problem with him, but he's such a good person, and it's really important to me that you two get along" schpeel. Having learned my lesson, I just kept my mouth shut, but she got mad anyway and told me if I wasn't going to talk to her about it then she didn't want to talk to me!! I feel like their relationship is ruining ours! I've tried sucking it up and attempting to make conversation with him (jump start a friendship), but all I get is ice in return. Honestly, I'm not sure if I can be buddy-buddy with him—which seems to be the only thing that is going to make her happy—with my previous attempts failing miserably. I don't really understand why she just doesn't drop it; It's not like I can't be friends with her even though I'm not friends with him. We have been friends since childhood, but her persistence on this topic is starting to make me push away from her because I feel like there are other things we could discuss besides him! Is there anything I can do to make this all better? I'm at a loss, and I don't want to lose my best friend!