Children in Divorce

United States
February 5, 2007 7:27pm CST
When there is a divorce ..how do you think the children feel? What to you tell children when a divorce is taking place..? Do you think children blame themselves for divorce?
4 people like this
7 responses
@XxAngelxX (2832)
• Canada
6 Feb 07
I guess it depends on the situation to know what the children are thinking. I have recently separated from my husband and we made a point of telling our children it had nothing to do with them, that sometimes people tried and tried but just couldn't make the relationship work. My children were upset, but I'm sure they know they are not to blame and in all actuality I think they are much happier now that we have separated. They spend quality time now with their father which was always one of our issues.
4 people like this
• United States
6 Feb 07
Thank you so very much for the answer..I, myself,was a child when my mom divorced my father..She had never been the same toward us ..after the divorce...that is the children from my father;)+
2 people like this
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I think it depends on the situation with their parents. If the two are constantly yelling or abusing each other, then I think the child would not be too upset. If the parents get along and get divorced with no apparent reason it might be very tough on a child. The parents do have a responsibility and telling their child about why they are getting divorced so that it might not be quite as hard. I do think that sometimes children do blame themselves, though they should not.
• United States
7 Feb 07
When I think of it..no one ever told us the "why" of divorce when we were kids..It just happened and from what I remember..lots of bitterness and other things happened when dad and mom divorced;)+
• United States
7 Feb 07
When I think of it..no one ever told us the "why" of divorce when we were kids..It just happened and from what I remember..lots of bitterness and other things happened when dad and mom divorced;)+
• United States
6 Feb 07
hello there..i cant speak for any other kid by myself..because no one ever knows what goes threw there little heads..but when i was little my parents always fought,my dad drank our money and beat me and my mom alot..not my sister thank god..and as much as hated what he did to me and mom..the day came that she tghrew him out and they got a divorce..i blamed myself..i thought it was my fault because i always went crying to her..she slept during the day.she worked night shift,,,and telling on him..even thought he did what he did.,.theer is always that unconditional love there from a child to there parents.. i tblamed myself thinking i was a bad kid that made him drink,therefore making him miserable..and then my fault for the divorce..and it stuck with me for many years..till i was old enough to relize..it wasnt me//but my dad..he was sick..andit was all him..but that was my situation..and i knew many other friends back then that had parents divirce and they were ok and understood it wasnt them,,so like i said..it just depends on the kid..
2 people like this
@Dolcerina (3379)
• Hungary
7 Feb 07
yes, I think the childrem allways blame themselves. For a children the family gives the assurance. And they loose this feeling with the divorce. I divorced too, but my exhusband did not live with us since our son was born. So my son accept only me as his family.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 07
That is really a Godsend that your son didnt know of his father..even though it would have been nice..that made for an easy transition..since he never really had a relationship with his father.
6 Feb 07
When I split up with my ex I was really careful how I told my children. They know that its because we didn't get on well enough and nothing to do with them. We have also continued to do family outings and we frequently see each other and are on good terms so I think that helps a lot. I think the only children who blame themselves for divorce are those whose parents don't talk to them about it.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 07
It is nice that you did take time to discuss the separation and divorce with your children before it actually happened. Your answer really can help others going through the same thing.
@dave_lie (1476)
• Indonesia
20 Feb 07
I am not married yet so this is just my opinion. I think children do not have the ability yet to think smart and that serious. Therefore, they will absolutely confused. They do not know what to do. I am sure they do not want to choose whether to follow their mom or to follow their dad. It is parents responsible to settle up this problem.
@tentwo67 (3384)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I think it's next to impossible for a child to not be hurt by divorce. In my own family, when my parents split up when I was 21 years old and I learned that they had actually not been happy together for years but had stayed together "for the children" I felt very betrayed by it. I felt like our lives had been a big lie. Because of this, I no longer believe in anyone staying together for their children. I think it's much better to be honest. One thing that my parents did that was very right was keep a decent relationship, and in fact they're very close friends now. They made it abundantly clear to me and my siblings that they would always love each other because without each other they wouldn't have us. Nearly 20 years after they separated, we even do holidays together as a family, which I never would have believed but appreciate more than I can say. My husband and I are both children of divorce and we're both determined to keep our marriage vows. We've said that we're both too stubborn to give up on our marriage. I hope I never have to have the divorce discussion with my beautiful child.