etiquette

@lucy02 (5017)
United States
February 7, 2007 11:34am CST
My mom is having her 80th birthday in a couple of weeks. One of my cousins suggested the family get together at a local restaurant. The family is pretty big with all the nieces, nephews, and thier children. Is it okay to invite them and expect them to pay for their own meals. I have been invited to birthday dinners before like this and paid my own way and was fine with it but I don't know how other people might feel.
3 people like this
4 responses
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
7 Feb 07
I have received invitations to events like this where the person organizing the get-together wrote, "You are invited to a no-host party to honor ......" That seems to be the way to show that everyone is expected to pay their own way. Hope your Mom has a wonderful party.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Thank you Stringbean. This is pretty informal so we probably won't send out invitations.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Maybe you should just phone the questionable ones and say, "We are thinking about celebrating Mom's birthday at .... and having each family pay for their own dinner. Is that okay with you folks?" I can't imagine anyone objecting. If they really felt that they couldn't afford it, they could decline the invitation, but 80th birthdays only come around once.
@Dolcerina (3380)
• Hungary
8 Feb 07
If they love your mom, they will not feel that they should not pay for it. Let them know in advance. Who does not love your mom, that will not go for this dinner... Just do not make problem from it. If you can not pay all the costs, you may await them to pay for own dinner. SO, if I should have invited them I would let them know with the invitation, to take my appologize.
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
8 Feb 07
Thanks Dolcerina. They all love Mom I think so it shouldn't be any problem. I just worry about such things.
1 person likes this
@wmg2006 (5386)
• United States
7 Feb 07
WOW! Well Happy Birthday to your Mother. That is great that she is going to be 80. I don't think it should be a problem for them to pay for their own dinner. You just have to make it clear so they don't get upset. If others do not want to pay their way they may still want to come and enjoy the party. Let them know you will be having dinner at the place and after dinner you will be having her Birthday. Tell then they are welcome to come to both, that way it doesn't sound like you invited them to dinner and you are paying.
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
8 Feb 07
Thank you! That sounds like good advice.
@BunGirl (2639)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Unfortunately, the rules of proper etiquette state that if you're throwing a party, you are the one who incurs the cost. Of course, many people are ok with paying their own way these days, as things can get really expensive really fast, but that doesn't mean that it's the proper thing to do. If your family generally adheres to strict etiquette rules, it would be a big no-no to ask them each to pay for their own. If they're a bit more laid back, I'd say go for it! Here's a link that talks about this exact situation -- check out question #3: http://www.etiquettegrrls.com/pages/FAQ.html
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Thanks BG. They are pretty laid back and some members have done this before so I'm sure they are okay with it but I don't know about the others.