At the end of my rope
February 9, 2007 9:36am CST
I met the sweetest man nearly a year ago. I thought he was everything I wanted. I still believe he has so much potential, but he is not living up to it. He dwells on his past and it's keeping him in a rut. He's from another state and has not been able to find work here. I live paycheck to paycheck and cannot carry on supporting him. He always has some physical ailment. I'm sorry he's in pain, but I know people with chronic pain, and they still work and lead productive lives. I'm so terrified to let him go. I just want him to get his life together. I don't have time to make all his calls for him and try to straighten out his messes so we can move forward. HE needs to do it! I hate this. I'm thinking of giving him a few more weeks, then delivering him to his mother to help him. I can't be responsible for him when I can barely take care of myself. Do you think he might change? If he loves me as much as he says he does, I hope so. I hope this will be a kick in the pants for him. I know what it sounds like... He's not a loser or a liar. Life has dealt him a lot of bad cards. He's very compassionate, trusting, intelligent... I can't even begin to describe how wretched I feel. I was thisclose to getting back together with my ex when I met him; I could be in a much different situation now, and I feel so stupid for it. I just wish I could see into the future...I wish I know what I did in a former life to deserve to feel so miserable all the time. He's so sweet and cute and protective, but I need for him to stand up, be a man, get himself together. I don't need the big house, the fancy cars, diamonds, etc., but I need some security. One thing I want desperately is a house of my very own and I feel like I'll never have it with him. I want him to pull his own weight. Is that too much to ask? I love him. But I've had enough. I'm out of patience.
• United States
9 Feb 07
oh man that sounds like what i was doing a little over a yr ago. when i first met my kids dad he was great, work the whole 9 yards, but in the last 6 yrs we was together he completely changed he wouldnt work, wouldnt do anything around the house,wouldnt answer the phone (afraid someone wold ask for his help) i would have to do everything. i finally got fed up with it and left. im now with a man that is the complete opposite. a woman can only take so much. i cant tell you what you should do but i can say this even tho i dont know you, your better then that. if he dont shape up id ship him out
• United States
9 Feb 07
First, unlessyou are IN the chronic pain youhave no right to judge his capacity based on what others can endure. Many people with chroic pain CAN still work because their pain is not that bad at all. I should know, I suffer with chronic pain and can only work outside the hom on a limited basis. Now, you went into this situation with preconceived notions based on potential as if you were starting a business or a make over on some poor unfortunate loser. Send him away, send him to his mother, do what you have to do, but let him be away from the attitudes that you are harboring regarding what you think his abilitites should be. YOu are ill suited for each other, so stop dragging things out. Your feelings about him and his potential have to be a constant reminder, for him, that you feel he is less of a person than you deserve. You do him no favors by having that between you and it serves no positive purpose.