Tips on getting your children to do......or NOT do....
By andiesmama
@andiesmama (51)
United States
February 11, 2007 7:52pm CST
....whatever! lol
For example, just recently I was having a challenging time of trying to get my daughter to stay in bed at night. She would get up for no reason (no bad dreams, not sick, just because). SOOOOOOO, I implemented "reward flowers":
I bought some big artificial flowers and she chose one of my pretty vases. Then, I told her that every night she stayed in bed like a big girl, she could put a flower in the vase the next morning. When she had all the flowers in (7 of them), she would get a "reward" of her choosing. She chose a trip to the toy store, naturally! lol
The other side was if she got out of bed (other than a bad dream or being sick or something), then she would have to take a flower OUT.
It worked like a charm! She got all 7 flowers in, one right after the other, got her trip to the toy store, AND hasn't had any trouble with bedtime since! Of course, all the praise and cheers helped as well, I'm sure!
So, what works for you?
2 people like this
4 responses
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
12 Feb 07
How long do you think she will need the rewards to behave as you wish?
What worked for me was being flat out blunt and then implementing punishment...here's why...
Once you start rewarding desireable behaviour you have to keep thinking up rewards. In real life wa are not rewarded for desireable behavior, it goes unnoticed. Penalties and punishments ARE the social norm. I didn't want to teach my sons that they would be noticed for expected behaviour, but to understand what they might lose or experience if they failed to comply. This brought the desired behavor to the forefront of their minds. No need to think up new ways to punish once they are in compliance..but you do have to keep thinking up rewards for reinforcement of desired behaviors.
When the child takes their first steps into the real world, which is usually the classroom, they will not be rewarded for every desireable behvior they manifest. What will inspire compliance then?
1 person likes this
@andiesmama (51)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I think different children respond differently to various disciplines.
My daughter doesn't respond well to threats/penalties/punishments. If she sees something to work towards, that works much better for her.
And we don't use rewards constantly, for everything. Things that she's struggling with (ie: this bedtime thing, potty training, etc) are when we do the reward flowers.
And by the way, she IS in the classroom now, she's in PreK and I've not had any complaints by her teachers!
Every parent has to determine what works best for their child....thanks for your response!
@nlschr0 (24)
• United States
17 Feb 07
Actually, I think that original idea did contain a punishment aspect - the removal of the flower was a negative consequence for an inappropriate behavior. As a teacher myself, I know that the ideal ratio of positive to negative is at least 5:1, sometimes even up to 8:1 is suggested. If your child's teacher is doing less, then talk to the teacher or even the principal. Of course, inappropriate behavior should receive a negative consequence that is appropriate to the offense. But, when children are positively motivated to behave properly, then they are too busy to behave inappropriately.
@bestisyettocome (1531)
• United States
13 Feb 07
That is an amazing idea! I wish I would have heard of it years ago!
My daughter came to me every night, for the first 10 years! If she didn't wake me up, she would be on the floor right beside my bed. I've even stepped on her! We called the "The Little Nomad"!
I will remember this advice for my granddaughter and future grandchildren! Thanks for sharing.
@andiesmama (51)
• United States
13 Feb 07
When my daughter was going through a period of wanting to sleep with us, or coming into our room, I DID make a little spot on the floor for her next to our bed....a quilt and a pillow and she was allowed to sleep there.
I guess she finally decided that her own bed was MUCH more comfortable than the floor, because that little phase didn't last too long!! lol
@CU4799 (25)
• India
12 Feb 07
Yes andiesmama I too have tried the same trick but for a different purpose. I have to go hurdles to make my daughter eat. I took her to the orphanage and said that if she doesnt eat properly I am no longer going to be her mother instead will become the mother of those deprived children. She doesnt waste her food and also says that I can be their mother along with her.
1 person likes this
@payingforschool (678)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
I do rewards, too. We use Pokemon cards, as both my kids are boys and adore them. In the past, we have used a sticker chart where 10 stickers = prize from the prize bag. I find I need to 'change up' our reward routine every few months, as the novelty wears off and the kids stop behaving for that reward. Good luck!
@andiesmama (51)
• United States
12 Feb 07
That sticker thing and reward bag is a great idea!! I know I used a "treasure box" for awhile when my daughter was having separation anxiety problems in PreK....if she had a good day, she got to choose a "treasure".
"Treasure" defined as little toys from the dollar store! lol
