suicide

Ireland
October 12, 2006 1:50pm CST
what i went through was beyond reality.I had my suicide planned,31/12/04.But im still here.
17 responses
• United States
14 Oct 06
I understand how you feel.. When it gets to the point of you not being able to handle it.. So you plan everything out.. Where you will be when it happens.. How you will do it.. What you will do it with.. Who you will say goodbye to.. Or if you will just keep silent..So no one will ever know. Until they find you themselves.. Just wanting that day to hurry up,and arrive.. Because you know then your worries could all be gone.. I have been down that path,Many times... But people keep saving me.. Sometimes I wish they would not save me.. I have even had to go to rehab.. To straighten out my mental issues. Because I used to be A person.. Who could not go A day without cutting myself.. Then it got to the point to where,I could not handle it anymore.. And I tried to kill myself.. And then I finally got to sent to rehab.. But that did not do any good.. It only made it much worse.. And it gave me an attitude problem... And somehow I still think of doing that sometimes.. It haunts me.. And it always will haunt me.. And I am sure sometimes you still think about it.. I used to be someone you would consider Emo,and still can be considered that.. Because At just one little word.. I emotionally break apart. And cut,and cut..And freak out.. Without even realized I actually had A problem.. Then I resorted to Anorexia,and Bulemia... And I messed myself up on that,too. And I also still fight that.. My past will always haunt me... No matter what I do.. I will proably always have mental problems.. And suicial thoughts.. And cutting thoughts.. And so on,and so forth.. And I may even sometimes give in,and try.. But for some reason.. God will not seem to let me die.. People just won't let me die... I guess I have A purpose.. I just do not see it,yet.. We all have A purpose in life.. Or I think that we do..
• Ireland
14 Oct 06
i understand how you feel and still feel,cutting eases the pain, i think for me anyway the phyisical pain was much easier than the emotional pain. i didnt do any serious cutting, just enough to ease the other pain. i am blessed to have had a brilliant phycoligist working one problem at a time out with me making me a stronger person. i will always have a little fear that i would want to end it all again but i take one day at a time.i was asked did i believe in god, yes i do and i have always had a strong faith, even as a child, i have had a terrible life but always prayed to god to stay with me, and no i dont blame god for anything in my life. even when i was going to end everything i prayed more for his help to take the thoughts away, i couldnt cope with are man made world,and the pressures that we have made for ourselves. so now i stick to basic life. no pressure. god did help in a round about way.my faith is the only thing i can depend on, and god.
• United States
14 Oct 06
I first tried to kill myself at around age 7...And I have tried millions of times to try,and kill myself,and all of the people like phscytrist,and counseleors,and everything,just do not seem to be helping me at all...And I have cut more than enough to ease the pain...I usually go to the point,of leaving A big hole gash on me...And hardly ever get the blood to stop.
• Ireland
15 Oct 06
you need good help and you havent found it yet, i no the pain you are going through dont give up you can and will be well again, pray very hard, please try not to cut yourself again your life IS precious, try ice cubes next time you feel like cutting, hold them in your hand until you cant take the cold, you need a different kind of theraphy maybe to change your way of thinking. thats what i got.slow process but it worked.
• United States
15 Oct 06
6 years ago last week my brother Jimmy killed himself... 6 1/2 years next week my other brother Ray killed himself. I just want to say I dont know you but am glad you are still here!!! and I know someone who loves you deeply is happy you are still here too! I dont know what I could have done to help my brothers but wish I could have tried! Now they are gone and I am deeply affected and damaged by what has happened. My life will never be the same and yes I know I sound selfish but it was selfish of them to decide it was their time to go :( Welcome to life! I am so happy ther last 2 years have been so wonderful and keep it going!!!
@jrk0624 (406)
• United States
12 Oct 06
I'm glad you decided against it i hope you are doing well in life now
• Ireland
12 Oct 06
Im doing well. A lot has changed i stick to enjoying the simple things in life. i have studied a lot and achieved the things i wanted to and more to do.
@i_agree_but (1185)
• United Arab Emirates
12 Oct 06
Are you sure, you survived.. Ghost members are not allowed in mylot, becz you cant open Paypal account.
• Ireland
12 Oct 06
Good question? hmmmmmm. think im still here. the past 2 yrs have turned out to be the best yrs of my life.glad i stuck around.
@LBS1178 (317)
• United States
12 Oct 06
Wow, thats scary. It seems you have gotten a second chance. I am assuming you got help for your problems, and if thats the case, I congratulate you on it.
• Ireland
12 Oct 06
it was scarey but more scarey now.. then i was at peace thinking all my worries were over no more anything to think about and stress about, how close i came to destroying a lot of peoples lives around me because they couldnt help me they hadnt a clue what i had planned.but its made me a stronger person and a happier person. how strange?
@nicky35 (751)
21 Nov 06
enjoy each day - enjoy
hi,im glad your still here.i know it sounds soft butlife is a precios gift that is naturally over too fast,you should enjoy it as much as possibe while you can.i hope you do aswell,good luck.x
• India
18 Nov 06
sucide scares me a lot. i have considered it twice. but i think its better face the reality.
• India
18 Nov 06
for the losers no guts
@cyby22 (1208)
• Romania
14 Nov 06
well one time a was seek of this life and took some medicines for sleep and i wake up after 3 days in the hospital and my mom told me that i was in coma.it was something silly that i will never do again!:(
@jaimee (97)
• Philippines
14 Nov 06
God bless you for sticking it out. You are very courageous to do so. :)
@Karinne (1224)
• Australia
15 Oct 06
Hi there Beanbag! Yes some of our parents have alot to answer for in the next life treating their kids like they have done - my ex had the same probs with his mum physically and mentally abusing him and he doesn't have any family and i have a child with him and he doesn't acknowledge her. He's still a kid even at the age of 32. He sufferes from ADHD, Bipolar Disorder among many other problems. One may ask why did i have a child with him??? I was only with him for a short time before i knew about his family history and his health problems. But anyway i hope you have a happier and brighter future and things will work out with your children - just hang in there :)
@moneymind (10524)
• Philippines
14 Oct 06
thats good you are still here, enjoy mylot........ greetings. : )
• United States
13 Oct 06
We are all glad that you are here. Has things gotten any better with your daughter? You deserve better then to get physical abuse. Some of the things you went through were horrible, I wish I could help.
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
13 Oct 06
I'm glad you are still here don't ever feel so invaulable to yourself again.
• New Zealand
12 Oct 06
Wow I can kinda relate to this topic, I myself planned similar endings... Just like you I am still here which is good, I have had others in my family and surrounding friends who have left for many reasons...
@SunnyDays (1071)
• Bahamas
12 Oct 06
I am glad that you decided against it and I hope your life turned out to be better now
@pontgtp (970)
• United States
12 Oct 06
You need to find someone to talk to, and keep talking