Parents' mistakes we dare not follow...

Philippines
February 12, 2007 10:30am CST
We all make mistakes, human as we are, we're not perfect. But of course, one thing great about making mistakes (yes, there's still something great in making mistakes. Lol.).. is, having the chance to correct them! We have parents who are less than perfect. I love my parents! BUT there were really things that they do that i dont exactly love... like.. getting a separation/divorce because they let their 'pride' get in the way, because both were "always right" and none of them would admit their mistakes, because one always wanted to become dominant than the other, because they became self-centered.. i wonder, do you have parents' mistakes that you dare not and promised to yourself that you'll never follow?? =)
8 people like this
30 responses
@Jshean20 (14374)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
Well this might sound rather strange to most people, but the biggest mistake my parents ever made was spoiling me (big time spoiling). It was awesome when I was younger to have my parents pay for everything and basically get me whatever I wanted, not to mention the fact that I didn't have to do any chores around the house. It was a very big eyeopener for me leaving the house because I wasn't used to reality and so it was really hard. Often our parents mean well in what they do but sometimes it can affect us in ways that they never even thought...but no one is perfect and we live and learn.
1 person likes this
@sunnypub (2131)
• United States
13 Feb 07
You hit on a big one there. I know parents mean well but I think one of the worst things they can do is to not prepare their children for the real world. Spoling kids, doing everything for them, not giving them responsibilities, and solving all of their problems does absolutely nothing for preparing them to become productive adults. My thought is that when you child is young, say less than 10 years old, you will be appreciated as their parent, but once they hit ten and then keep growing the appreciation goes away until they are most likely parents themselves or at least in their mid twenties. that is just part of being a parent, and until the kids are adults themselves, they will not understand or appreciate just what the parents did for them.
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
I think its good that you realized that spoiling kids is a mistake.. I mean we know that its a way how our parents show their kids that they love them.. but it doesnt really help the children to grow up becoming responsible and strong as they face the real world. Thanks for sharing your story.
@sunnypub (2131)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I think you are so right. No parent is perfect and no parent will ever be perfect. As such we can alwayas learn from the way our parents raised us. there are a couple of things my parents did that I swore i would never do, and up til now I haven't. One was making my daughter get up every Saturday morning to do a long lsit of chores before doing anything else. I am all for kids doing chores but I prefer they be split up throughout the week and not on a specific schedule. I really go to the point where I hated Saturdays because of the chore lists. The other was to not get drunk and say things that are really hurtfull to my daughter. I guess in a way it is really about not blaiming my daughter for problems that I have. I gave up drinking long before I had children so the drinking part is no big deal, but I do try really hard to make sure to take responsibility for my actions and not blame my duaghter for any choices that I make. Of course on the good side, there are a lot of things that my parents did right that I am trying to repeat. One of which is making sure my daughter tries many different things so she can decide what is right for her.
1 person likes this
@sunnypub (2131)
• United States
13 Feb 07
It's nice to know that my family wasn't the only ones getting up on Saturday's and doing chores. I know it was all about discipline and timing, but I hated it and will never do that with my daughter. She has daily chores that she does when she gets home from school and then we all get together and tidy the family room, guest bathroom, and my daughters room as part of her bedtime ritual. Right before she goes to bed just seems to be the best time for all of us.
• United States
12 Feb 07
My parents biggest mistake that I can think of off hand was to never discuss anything with us. I told myself when I had kids I would be open and honest. I talk freely with my kids about everything. If they have a question I do my best to answer it. I don't sugar coat things for them. I tell them what I know and if I don't have enough information I take the time to find more.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
I agree with cattleman and sunnypub.. When i was growing up and living with my mom, i wasnt so open with her. I write more in my journal / diary all about my dreams, secrets, thought, and feelings than talking about it with my mom. I used to envy my friends who can really talk openly with their moms and dads.
@kabella50 (309)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Exactly.When i hear people complain about how their parents did this or that thing wrong,I always say then you should have learned the right thing .The ways my mother had weren't always ones I wanted to pass on to my own children ,so the things I didn't enjoy I didn't pass on.They will probably do the same.No parent comes with instructions from God on how to be perfect so we forge ahead with our own memories good and bad and do the best we can,each generation learning from the last and improving their present and builing a future.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
Yes, we should be wise enough to pass on to our children the right things that our parents have taught us and to not follow those that weren't right. Thank you for your story.
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@Cephoozee (374)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I'll never make the mistake of criticizing every move my child makes, and I'll never have a job that keeps me away from having tea parties with my daughter or playing catch with my son. I won't blink or let 'em grow by themselves, and I won't shelter them from the world so they have no idea what REALLY goes on outside the home. Love ya' mom and dad
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
I noticed that when i was being criticized by my parents, i become really shy and has low self-esteem.. SO you are right, we shouldnt criticize the every move of our children. We should let them be as they are. Accept them as they are and gently correct them of their mistakes. Thank you for the comments.
1 person likes this
@camille101 (1027)
• United Arab Emirates
12 Feb 07
I can't remember things my parents did that I don't like about them. I'm very proud of them, and I very much appreciate what they had done for us. I'm so sorry that you're parents were divorced. I knew it's difficult for you to understand and accept the reasons why, but human as they are I believe they had weighed the pros and cons of the situation and divorced was the last recourse they might have in mind. And come to think of it, maybe they become better person after it. I knew it greatly affects your emotional behaviour but I'm glad that you had chose not to follow their mistakes. I wish you all the best in your marriage.
@bethmt (419)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Yes, it's very true. None of us are perfect and parenting is a very difficult job. I know I make my fair share of mistakes but I really try to learn from them. It's always important as we get older to realize that our parents' mistakes can be valuble learning experiences and that the little mistakes are often best overlooked. Despite the way that I was raised, I loved my parents (they are both deceased) and I forgive them for many of the bad things that happened. It took a long time for me to realize that their actions were not who they were, they were both very troubled people. Not that that's an excuse, but it's something that I needed to come to terms with. So, based on my experiences growing up, these are the things I promised myself I would never follow. And also, some of them I would just NEVER dreamed of doing with my kids in the first place but they are part of my childhood history. I would never critisize my children in front of others, or put them down in any way. I would never make my children feel as if they needed to take care of me; in other words I wouldn't be clingy with them. I'd never beat my children or intentionally place them in any harm. I'd never vent my own frustrations on them as a way to make myself feel better. I'd never degrade them, neglect them or force them to do something that was harmful to them. If I ever thought that I needed some kind of help in order to improve my life and that of my family, I would let my pride get in the way of doing this.
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
I can relate to all that enumerated "parents' mistakes you dare not follow"! I have experienced such kind of situations as i was growing up and of course, realized that i did not feel good being in those situations.. I assume you are a parent yourself now. In behalf of your children, i want to say thank you for your realizations and for learning valuable lessons from your own parents' mistakes.. i hope that we should keep those "Nevers" in heart and in mind so that we wont forget our promise to treat our own children better than we were treated. Thank you for your comments.
@bethmt (419)
• United States
18 Feb 07
Thanks livvy, yes I'm a parent of two teenagers and I definitely learned some valuble lessons from my experiences as a child, so in that way I'm grateful. I'm not a perfect parent in any way, but I do my best. :) I just realized I made a mistake in the last sentence of my response...I meant to say that I would NOT let my pride get in the way of getting help if needed. Oops!
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
Wow....do I ever. My parents are totally dysfunctional and have addictive traits. My whole family does actually...so I vowed to not let those addictions affect me and my family. I have done quite well over the years...and have raised a wonderful son...so I am thankful for that...and to God for his help through the tough times in my life.
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
Its good to know that you're doing great raising your son. God bless!
• United States
13 Feb 07
I have and will never discipline my children as I was. We got our butts beat with belts, switches from tree, flyswatters, etc. And it FREAKIN' hurt. I never want to hurt my children like that! I understand that a lot was different in those days, but how could a parent hurt a child like that? I love my parents, and I forgave them, and they also apologized recently for the way they punished, but from time to time, I remember. I am glad that I am a softie, and don't want my own children treated like that.
• United States
13 Feb 07
Should read "I have not and will never"
@NVMapper (115)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Because our world and the world our parents grew up in has changed so drastically we owe it to ourselves and our children to get a class in childrearing. Everybody who has responded has agreed that their parents were at fault for some things, so why follow the idea that if it was ok for you it should be ok for them? Get educated so you can do it right for everybody. I chose not to raise any children because of my childhood and know now that I chose right. We cannot get away from the evil just by claiming we won't do it, we can only get away by learning alternitives to our original responses. Thats chosing education over family values and we have to do this. What was good enough for us really wasn't.
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
I think what you are trying to say is to adopt responsible parenting.. that if one is to be a parent, he/she should know what it really takes to become good in it and studying in a childrearing class can help. I think you have a point.
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I had promised myself to leave a marriage if my children were treated the way I was by my parents, and so I did that. They are very sucessful young men now...well maybe not so young, they are in their early 30's. Your indictment of your parents sounds a bit childish. Their "being too proud" sounds more likt "it was terribly inconvenient for me and I didn't like it".
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
You have your reasons in leaving a marriage like that, i presume you were not treated nice by your parents? I congratulate you having successful children. I am a product of a broken family too and i consider also all of us children to be successful men and women. Its because we strived hard to do the best we can even without so much of the guidance of our parents. I think when we are on our own, we were trained to depend mainly on ourselves and not on anyone else so we tend to work hard to become successful. It wasnt inconvenient for me because i would rather choose having divorced parents than seeing them together but fighting with each other. The mistake was not the divorce but the reasons that led to the divorce. Im just happy that my experiences as a child let me learn valuable lessons from my parents.
@banajmi (98)
• India
13 Feb 07
Sorry I dont agree, I cant find any mistake, my parents did. I love my parents very much and they love me very much.
@cNotable (894)
• United States
13 Feb 07
We definitely do walk in our parent's footsteps. it is sometimes unfortunate that we do so because we often make the same mistakes. Pride is definitely an issue...
• Philippines
13 Feb 07
My dad's an alchololic, a chain smoker and a gambler. Ive always told myself I'd never be a smoker and a gambler like my dad. So far i've managed to avoid the gambling part but the smoking part is just hard to resiist.
@XxAngelxX (2835)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
My father spends more money than he will ever make. I remember answering the phone growing up and the calls were usually from businesses he owed money to. There is no way I will ever allow this to happen to me. It's not as though he was spending his money on bills, it was always toys that he just had to have. I make sure my bills are paid first, the day the come in the mail is the day they get paid. I have a budget and I stick to it ALWAYS. If there's money left over at the end of the month, then I try and put some in my savings account and the rest is play money.
@skyhit (390)
• Indonesia
13 Feb 07
sure we are not perfect humann, i love my parent too.we must love our parent. let time tell us about mistake ^_^.
@Razzles (391)
• United States
13 Feb 07
One mistake I would never pass on to my children is to make them feel so useless. Words hurt, and can not be taken away. My parents were great parents, but at times, their comments made to me are comments I will never forget. One such incident was when I was on a cruise. My mom always favored my older sister. Some lady came up to us and told my mom how much I looked like her. My mom told the lady, "No, I don't look like her, I look like my other daughter." That hurt my feelings, because I knew my mom felt this way and wanted others to know as well. It was like she was ashamed of me, or something. Another thing is my weight. I never did lose all of my weight after having kids like my sister did, and my dad just made a comment the other night that with my weight, I didn't look like I belonged in their family. I still cant can't stop thinking of this. Words can destroy someone for a life time even if you have the greatest of parents.
@XRiders (18)
• Romania
13 Feb 07
Everyones parents do mistakes, some do little mistakes, other do BIG mistakes. I believe the bigest mistake that your parents can do is getting divorced. This action afects the childrens for a long time, even if is not so obiouvsly. When my folks divorced, I sweared to myself that I will NEVER do that mistake.
@alienstar (5140)
• India
13 Feb 07
Everybody makes mistake and that is life and we cannot live without making anymistake and also we cannot learn without making mistakes isn't it? so, doing mistakes is essential in either cases and parents are no exceptions as i told every human beings makes mistakes in life as it is a part of life and we do mistakes in order laern something from those mistakes....
@anup12 (4182)
• India
13 Feb 07
It is a custom really that whenever a child does good all the credit normally is given to the child.But if a child is not doing that good in the society all the blame goes to the parents.