I am feeling guilty and sad. Please help

India
February 18, 2007 3:55am CST
Yesterday, I told some secret about my best friend to some one else, which she came to know. I never thought it was a "secret" and I should not tell it to anyone, if I had, I would never have told. But, then she came and asked me if I told that to someone, I told her,yes I did. She was shocked and was very upset. Only then I realized, I should not have told this to him. Now, she is a very sweet person, she was not angry with me, told me it's ok. This has made me even more guilty. If she had shouted at me, I could at least have the relief of getting punishment. I am very low, and ashamed of myself. I don't know what to do.
10 people like this
59 responses
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
18 Feb 07
i understand how you feel. it's always better if people you have done wrong to would just get angry at you. atleast, you won't feel so much guilty because they have flared their anger on you. but then, not all people are like that. some just don't mind it if you hurt them. and that's where our guilty feelings grow. we have no idea if they are really fine with it or they just don't want to be rude at us and that even if they are in pain for what we have done, they just want to keep it inside and keep quiet. i hope you two still get along well. it's hard to lose a wonderful friendship like you two have.
2 people like this
• India
18 Feb 07
Yeah, I know she would forgive me, after so many resposnes I am feeling little a lot better. I really think it is all over. She will surely take it easy.
18 Feb 07
I think that you have been very lucky for her to forgive you, but how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I always put myself in the position of the "other" person whilst considering what to do about anything that has happened. I lost a 14 year friendship as my friend told others my private business, I was devastated, hurt,felt used and abused too. I had forgiven her twice before, but the third time was just too much for me, the trust had gone. As a Disabled person, I still felt the need to "escort" her from my home, to make sure she had left, and I had put the rubbish out. It's fine saying I didn't know it was a secret, but as a person that it happened to, I can assure you that it feels terrible. Try to think very carefully before you say something about anyone, make sure its something that you wouldn't mind others knowing about you, if not, then probably they wouldn't want it spread around either. I do hope that you keep her friendship, work hard at it and find some way of proving to her that you won't do it again.
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
19 Feb 07
like charlene and sue has said, you are lucky to have a friend like her. try to think more first before saying something next time. so you won't hurt her again.
1 person likes this
@vkbllm (474)
• India
18 Feb 07
Well...You can blame your self. But if you says those matters were not secret, according to you! Than how can you feel guilty? Ok she doesnt even responded agressively, so might be she is not annoyed to you much, Just hope that! But if she is really angry but she is not scolding you, than you can be in some real problems, ok? I will advice you, please go and apologige her whole heartedly!
2 people like this
• India
18 Feb 07
She is not angry. She is very soft at heart, she might be upset. I apologized to her. She said, she's over it. She is so kind to me even after that. That is why I feel even more guilty, that I did this to such a good person
1 person likes this
• India
18 Feb 07
You have really put the harsh reality in front of me. Yeah, I was gossiping. I am really feeling ashamed when I realize that. That for letting me know that.
• India
18 Feb 07
if she's sweet enough not to shout at you...im sure she will be sweet enough not to let you feel if something has happened...and she will not open her heart out to you next time. obviously a gap has been created in your friendship...and if you are really bothered im sure you will find out a way to bridge that gap. talk to her in face and let her know you didnt do it deliberately(because you didnt know if it was to be kept with you only)and in that process she may pour her heart out and may shout at you(a bit so).she needs to vent...because im sure she is holding back...she's angry but she is not showing(may be because she feels you dont deserve that). if you are good friends and its really bothereing you ..talk to her...or ask a neutral friend to listen to both of you...this may help to resolve the matter.
2 people like this
• India
18 Feb 07
I don't think this would create gap, in our friendship, she is so good a friend for that to happen. But the thing is that, I am not able to keep my emotions at check for what I have done.
@cuterat (296)
• India
18 Feb 07
Now if you have realised your mistake,it is well and good.By now you would have understood not to tell someones secrets to anyone else.Anyhow as you have mentioned, you didnt know that it was a secret,you cant be blamed.Dont worry about it.Talk to your friend.Tell her that you didnt take it very seriously and wont repeat it.Explain to her how much you value her friendship.See to that you dont repeat such acts in future.Dont worry, mistakes are commited by everyone but one who commits it a second time is a fool.
@howard96h (11665)
• New York, New York
18 Feb 07
Well there is nothing you can do now. You did say you were sorry, you feel very bad about this so this is your punishment already. She can see your suffering. I would leave it alone and with time hopefully you can gain her trust again. It is one thing to deliberately tell, you did not do this, it was innocent. Don't worry any more, she forgives you.
2 people like this
@Hamlet333 (725)
• Pakistan
18 Feb 07
i think u hv a lesson in this that u dont tell any secret of other to someone in future.now its ok.do not feel any guilt.
• India
18 Feb 07
I never knew it was a secret. I respect every secret of my friends, as much as I respect them. I am really in sixes and sevens now.
• Latvia
18 Feb 07
I had something similar so I learned - better don`t talk much about your friends especially about their private life, their feelings. You have to understand what you can say and what you must not say about your Friends. But seems like it's ok now, so just don`t repeat something like that.
1 person likes this
@paulnet (748)
• India
19 Feb 07
Trust is the most important thing in any relationship so take care in future....
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Feb 07
What I usually do when someone tells me something that sounds like they don't want anyone to know, is I ask them. If they say keep this between you and me, I forget they even told me and carry on with life. Which than causes me to forget they even told me so then I can never repeat it because I forgot. Make sense? Probably not.
• India
18 Feb 07
You made a point there. I will remember that.
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Feb 07
Actually another thing that works quite well. If a person gives you the heads up by saying something along the lines of, just between you & me or can you keep a secret? Say, sorry but no I can't, so please if you want to gossip or tell me something no one else should no, don't tell me. Than your off the hook.
1 person likes this
• India
18 Feb 07
ok..this happens to everyone at some point of life..lol..am like this too..i dont keep many secrets..not abt the usual things ppl keep secrets abt atleast..n when someone else tells me something i wont be able to judge if its supposed to be a secret..n a big mouth as i am..i might tell it to someone..not on purpose, but just in casual talk..well..i dont mean to be disloyal..if i had known its a secret, i could have maintained it..but am always forgiven for these mistakes..lol..dont worry..as u said..its not a big deal as u dint know if it was a secret..and moreover ur friend wasnt mad at u coz she knew it wasnt a very tight matter..perhaps u have enuf intelligence to figure out which are not to be told out..i have that kind of maturity..i understand ur feelin guilty, but just make it easier consoling that u wont let that happen again..everybody makes mistakes after all!!..
1 person likes this
• India
18 Feb 07
I was wondering why you did not reply, yeah, i think she would be OK. But as I told, I felt bad when I saw the sense of shock in her face, it took time for me to pull myself together.
• India
18 Feb 07
ok..looks like ur lookinn forward to my replies..dats cool..well..dont worry man..she just wasnt expecting it..but she obviously understood things..she's a gr8 friend after all..u can make it up 4 her in a different way!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Feb 07
When someone entrusted us something we really should keep that for ourselves. What you did was really wrong and it's a normal reaction for her to be upset and even hate you a little bit but that's enough about it. We really are sometimes tempted to do certain things that we know won't do us good- but since we are humans enough well let's stick to it. For her to act like that after the said event means only that she were able to accept and understand your mistake, she might not explicitly tell you that she we're hurt but i guess that feeling inside of you feeling guilty is enough to remind yourself that she feel that way too. Breaking someone's trust is a fatal wound, nd if ever you were given the second chance to rebuild that trust try your best not to shatter it again. =)
• India
18 Feb 07
Yeah, I learnt my lesson for a hefty price. But, I know my mistakes now and will make amends for it. Our friendship is never in danger because of this, that is one relief.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
18 Feb 07
It is good that you've realized your short-comings. May this be a reminder to everybody, that we are not to convey to others on the behaviour and attitude of a person that we know. Anybody. Just keep to yourself for it may embarass you or the person.
@joy358 (491)
• Philippines
19 Feb 07
if she did not tell you that it was supposed to be a secret in the first place then i think that you have nothing to feel guilty about. however if the info she gave is in nature that she feels you should have known it was a secret even if she didn't say then you should probably apologize to mend the rift you caused.... breaking a confidence is I think one of the worst betrayal in a friendship and if i were your friend i would be very hurt, that's why you should probably prove to her that you have learned your lesson and would never dare to tell her secrets again.... hope I helped! ;)
1 person likes this
• India
19 Feb 07
I really hope I get a chance to prove that I am in fact a very good friend and this was just an accident. I really wish,
@VAnnasamy (426)
• India
19 Feb 07
When you have considered her as your best friend, it becomes all the more essential not to disclose to others, unless the same news would bring appreciation to your best friend. When you say her as your'best friend' you must not have considered her, just like that. She has also really confided you. Before disclosing, you should have checked up with her about 'leakage'. Her not getting angry/having shouted at you, shows her some great qualtiy. One plus point that is visible in your case is you have accepted having revealed the secret to others. Now only thing left, at this juncture, you may ask her to forgive and try to get back her confidence in future,you had before this incident. Never even try to repeat such incident. You must make your mind clear to her by all means. Then you also become 'best friend' to her as well.
1 person likes this
• India
19 Feb 07
You put that right. I will die but not repeat this mistake again. This is a lesson which I would never forget in my life.
@forjosie (1548)
• Indonesia
19 Feb 07
now you have a lesson that not all your secret can accept by other people, even your best friend. I had the lesson too, that ai can not trust my best friend for 100 %. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• India
19 Feb 07
You got it wrong, there was no mistake from her side, it was my miscalculation. So I should repent, not her.
@casper65 (38)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I think you were very casual about sharing the information without feeling for the person involved.Her asking you made you realise the severity anyways having realised it only teaches us to be more careful when talking of someone. The Person involved has handled the situation very well & not resorted to blaming you.From her we can all learn how to take setbacks without loosing cool. The guilt experienced under silence is more than some outburst,it makes aperson think.
• India
19 Feb 07
You put it exactly right. She had excellent common sense, so I am saved, if it was someone else, the story would have been different.
@jolanda33 (721)
• Netherlands
18 Feb 07
talk to her and tell her how you feel! i think she tells you that you have learned you're lesson! you never gonna tell a secret again! give her some flowers and a card with sorry and go on with your live! this happens every day with a lot of people!(me too)
1 person likes this
• India
19 Feb 07
Yeah, I don't think I should go that far. She is not cross with me as I told you, she is just upset. She never showed me that.
• Germany
18 Feb 07
this is great...you are lucky to have such a sweet friend (hope she really mean it...) ; i was caught in this kind 0f thing before and after the incident ; i had a lesson learnt (always learning attitude ) in which we must alert each other if anything we say is supposed to be a secret we say it up-front .... however one thing for sure you have hurt her feelings and therefore maybe you should do (compensate) more things to top up your drying emotional bank account with her ....
1 person likes this
• India
18 Feb 07
It is not simple as you think. You can expect your friend to go on say this is a secret, this is not, etc. You got to understand, and I failed to do that. That is my mistake.
• India
18 Feb 07
You should not feel guilty, on the contrary you are the best person she could met across. The honesty in your relationships is the best bond to make your relations everlasting. I would like to congratulate you towards your decision, but take utmost care of the emotions of your friend, and promise yourself not to hurt her in any case.
• India
18 Feb 07
Thanks for your compliment, since I posted this response, I am feeling lot better. Thanks for all of your response.
@babyreyn (934)
• Philippines
18 Feb 07
Well, atleast you became honest with your bestfriend. Just let your bestfriend feel that you are really sincere with the apology you did. And try not to do it again.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
18 Feb 07
yep. since all had been done already and you can't take back the time, babyreyn is right. make your bestfriend feel the sincerity of your words. i just hope she's not really hurt anymore and that she has totally forgiven you.
1 person likes this
@Multics (23)
• India
19 Feb 07
According to me u have done very wrong thing but reality is that u dont knw the matter was secret so u shud not feel guilty..
1 person likes this
@Toni520 (24)
• United States
19 Feb 07
It is hard to make up for letting a secret out. All you can do is look to improve upon yourself. You didnt know t was a secret so you shouldnt feel to bad but in the future if you have the feeling that something might perhaps be best kept dont say anything or better even verify with the person "is this just between us?"
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Feb 07
Tell your friend you are very sorry tell her you had no idea it was a secret. Then just tell her she can tell you anything but if she doesn't want other to know about it then make it clear it is a secret for you to know only. It might take awhile but I think she will be telling you secrets again just be sure to keep it to yourself.
1 person likes this