as fate would have it
February 19, 2007 10:25am CST
I recently posted a discussion about what to do with love lost that merited quite a number of reactions. All of them good. To those who felt for me ... thank you! I hope that you learn from my lessons in life. Alas, as fate would have it, my supposed 'trying to make it work husband' has confirmed my deepest fear. He ended our relationship. I kept telling myself that when this time comes, that I would not be caught unaware and that acceptance would come naturally. I actually fooled myself into thinking that I was already mentally and emotionally prepared for this day. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case. I was absolutely crushed to the core. I felt so vulnerable and so violated. And once again, I wept. I thought that I had cried out all the hurts and pains when we parted ways three years ago. Boy, was I wrong! I couldn't control the surge of emotions running through me. All sorts of memories came flooding back in. The pain was so real and surreal at the same time. It's as if I was losing him for the very first time. What was even harder was trying to be strong about it. I couldn't let it affect me. I musn't. I couldn't afford for my kids to see me in pain. I am all they have and their strength only comes from me. So I go through the motions of living, while deep inside I choke back tears, tears for a love lost, tears for my two lovely children, tears for an empty future, and tears for me....i know it will all end one day. And when that day comes, I pray that fate would have something better waiting for me.