Having another child after 14 years!

@lucie225 (157)
United States
February 20, 2007 11:41am CST
I have 2 children 14 and 17, boy and girl. I have recently found out I am pregnant. Now to me it is a total shock after hearing many doctors say, you'll have to have help if you want another. Emotionally, I donno how I feel. Physically, I am definately feeling it. But honestly I donno how to get over the shock of starting over. I know this is a blessing and everyone is soooo happy, from family to friends, but at this moment I cannot share the joy because I am so much in shock. The father is esatic because he has no children and has always wanted at least one and we've been together 10+ years. So, I know he is gonna be there for me as he always has been, especially since I found out. How does one overcome such a shock, I almost feel so guilty because I am not happy, but yet not sad either????????
6 people like this
35 responses
@sarge225 (39)
• United States
20 Feb 07
HAHA, well this reminded me of my experience exactly...I was 20 at the time, I had a sister who was 15 and my mother called me(i was in college at the time) and she said she had big news for me... she was pregnant at the age of 43. I was really in shock and didnt know what to do, so I can imagine how you must be feelig...I can tell you my dad was in shock and really wasnt liking it too much at the time, but my baby sister and my dad are awsome together, they are watching a movie right now as I right this. But as far as my mom goes. she was in shock for about 2 weeks, family started to get excited, and my mom acctually got real excited over the weeks saying it was a blessing. It will get more exciting over the weeks, its just such a big shock you really cant take it in all at once....enjoy being young again
2 people like this
• United States
21 Feb 07
that hapen to us when we got mared we had 3 kids then we haad two mor they were ten years younger then their older kids but we all had a goog fanly together
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Too funny. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. It is nice to hear from another sibling of a similier situation. For me though, it has been longer than two weeks and I am still shocked and trying to overcome. I did get a sonogram today and I cried again. It now is starting to really look like baby. The heartbeat is good and it is still I guess to unreal, but with this posting I am really starting to feel better about this and really trying to get the guilt and shock out of me. I am going to continue to read every1s thoughts and opinions. Each one I read, I do start to try and rethink this. Thank you again for your comment and your thoughts.
@krysy1982 (1042)
• United States
20 Feb 07
well first all congratulations. Just wait till you see that baby for the first time and all those mixed feelings will go away.
2 people like this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Thank you for the congrats.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 07
you are very right about it
1 person likes this
• Seychelles
20 Feb 07
oh, i understand your feelings perfectly. i had my first daughter at 19 years old and gave birth to another when she was 19. i never thought i'll have a kid again as i wanted no changes to my routine. my pregnancy was not easy and i gave birth to my daughter in december 2005. i can tell you that the moment i saw that small angel i was inlove. i'm so happy i have her now that i wonder why i was so worried in the first place! everything fell into place like driving a car after not driving for a long time. don't worry these little beings makes you feel on top of the world!
2 people like this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I had my daughter at 14 and 14 years later I am pregnant, jsut like yours 19 years old and 19 years later. How funny. Thank you very much for your comment and your thoughts.
1 person likes this
@coolsid2007 (1030)
• India
20 Feb 07
I think you have to clear your guilt and think it in a way that how much does it make your hubby happy,,, i am sure you wanted to see him happy,,, also that a new child can be a real blessing in your life ,,, if you guys {specially your husband} are financially and mentally prepared for the child you should enjoy the moment Remember ... there is no real benefit in being nervous or even shocked,,, life will play its part and you have to play your part in life... life has limited number of years attached to it ... so look forward to enjoy from whatever you have and had instead of looking forward for those things that you dont have or dont want or either one;s enjoy your life with your wonderfull hubby and stop feeling guilty about it... you did not have any choice ever .. life just presents itself before you only way to live happily is by embracing it in your arms and loving it
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I appreciate your comment on my situation very much, and do think your comment has brought me up a little. I know that being nervous and shocked will not help and you stating "life is limited"... has really got me to thinking. Thank you again.
1 person likes this
• India
20 Feb 07
its nice to see that you have been benefitted with my comments... i have been through some real rough times in my life though i am 23, most of maturity came to me in last 3 years ... i have learned to enjoy the facts of life and go easy on myself without blaming myself or anyone for the situation that i eventually ended up in ... right now i am quite happy with my life and look forward to living it in the best manner i can
2 people like this
@k1tten (2321)
• United States
21 Feb 07
First off congrats! I've never been pregnant or in your position but I hope to be a mother some day. This isn't as uncommon as many think. My grandmother and mother know a woman who has a 17 year or so span between her children. It'll just take a while till the shock wears off. It helps that you have a lot of poeple to back you up. Time will help you and that's all I can think of to help you. Geez, I suck at giving advice. lol
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
21 Feb 07
First of all u do not suck at giving your advice. Right now any kind of warm wishes and thoughts are welcomed and nothing is cheesy to me at this point so don't think like that. Thank you again.
• United States
21 Feb 07
I too had this happen. I was protected I thought(haha) and the found out I was pregnant. The shock is big but it will leave.My older child (9) and my husband were very supportive. I was not even sure that my husband wanted any children and it took me a week to tell him.As the pregnancy advanced the shock abated and motherhood took over. It can throw some loops at you but that baby is now a pretty 24 year old young lady.
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
21 Feb 07
LOL I didn't think I ever needed protection. That is wonderful though, wow 24 years old, I remember those days.
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
21 Feb 07
It's normal for someone who has 2 teeners already to feel shock about having a new baby. The shock factor is overwhelming you at the moment, but I'm sure deep inside you're happy. Try to celebrate and start planning! This is something to be excited about. Share your husband's happiness. The fact that this is your first child together is a blessing to your 10 year marriage. This pregnancy also came naturally without medical intervention whatsoever, so God must have really wanted you to have the baby at this stage of your life. Pray that the feelings you're having right now will be replaced with what an expectant mom should feel, and that's baby bliss! :)
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I do belive God has His hand in this matter. No doubt.
@sharon613 (2323)
• United States
21 Feb 07
A photo of my two youngest - This is a most recent photo of my daughter and youngest son Nate.
Congrats to you and your family. Mine came a year after 9/11. We call him the 9/11 surprise and my daughter who has been the baby of the family for the past 13 years all of a sudden she was about to have a baby sister/brother. She was in more shock then the rest of us. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy and delivery and the child should be happy and healthy.
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
21 Feb 07
My daughter is in shock too but a happy shock. She keeps telling met that when it sinks in with her, it will be o dark thirty and she is going to raise the roof screaming with joy.
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
20 Feb 07
well, a child is actually a blessing from God... so, why you have to be guilty about??? i think you should feel very happy and enthusiatic about it... my husband also has a brother after he is already 14 years old... so i don't think there is something to be worried about... take care of your pregnancy and when the baby comes out you will feel very happy and blessed to be a mother again... good luck...
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Thank u for ur warm thoughts and the good luck.
@kakuemmom (862)
• Canada
20 Feb 07
I know how that feels. I had two children and wanted more when my son turned 2 we started trying again we were not successful. After many months i went to the Dr. He ran many test and found out there were a few problems complications from my son's c section being the worst. we tried for almost 3 years many surgeries we were told we could not have more. We gave all baby stuff away i didn't want the reminders laying around and just went on with life. 9 years later i was so sick i couldn't eat at Christmas I was not sure what was up. IN the new year I went to the DR. and he ran a pregnancy test and it was positive i couldn't believe it. I was happy but not we had gone on babies were not a part of our new life. That feeling went away quick the thought of having another one when my other kids were so grown was great. Life couldn't be better. She is 4 now and a gift for sure. Its her picture i use for my avatar. Don't feel guilty about how you feel give yourself a chance to adjust to the new situation. Good luck to you and congratulations.
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
21 Feb 07
WOW! I know a couple who had been trying to have a girl, they have 4 boys ok, they had been trying for a girl and gave up like 10 years ago because of their age. They are like 49 and 53 I think, well they are older and she came up pregnant and just gave birth to a baby girl this past October. I seen the joy they had even though theirs were grown and they had given up also. Thank you for you thoughts.
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
20 Feb 07
First off, Let me say Congratulations to you... I understand what you mean...I have a 12 year old and the thought of having another child scares me silly. Or to hear "you are pregnant"...I believe in time it will come to you and everything you are feeling now is mixed emotions..I bet when you start showing or feeling the baby move your whole heart will change...I believe what you are going through is natural and the joy will come with time.. I too, thought about having another, but I think about diapers and starting over again...I know selfish, but that's my thought...I know the joy of bringing another life in the world is a beautiful thing..I know the emotions you have now will soon fade... Again Congratulations..
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Thank u for the congrats. I have seen with this topic that I chose to put out there about myself, this is so more common than I thought. I am beiginning to see that it is normal to feel the way I do. Thank you again for your warm thoughts and the congrats.
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
20 Feb 07
Congratulations! My sister and I have a 12 year gap. I know how shocked you are. but remember, God will not give you something you cannot handle. He has plans for you. That baby is a blessing. Try to get rid of the guilt you feel and start enjoying your pregnancy. Goodluck and I hope you have a smooth pregnancy.
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Thank u so much for the congrats and your thoughts. I really do think that God gave me this child because of a plan. Though in the beginning I did think, no this is not happening. Thank u so much again
• United States
20 Feb 07
I think as you start to get over the intial shock the happiness will come. On the plus side you and the father love each other and will make a happy environment for the baby and that is really what counts. As my grandma has always said when someone turns up preg. and says I don't know what I am going to do she replies 'You are going to love them and put shoes on them' My children are 10 years apart and everything is working out just fine.
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I like what ur grandma said and truth rings to that. My son says, mama how r we gonna afford a baby. I told him with a baby, everything does seem to fall in to place, belive it or not. He does not understand but he will see. Your thoughts are uplifting and I appreciate your comment. Thank you
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
20 Feb 07
First off-- Congratulations! You;re only 32-- so you are young still... It is quite a shock I imagine.. I have 1 ten year old daughter-- I had a scare a couple of months ago-- You get set in your ways.. Independence-- Your teenagers don't need you for everything.. and then Boom-- you're having a baby... You'll do wonderful! And think about your sig. other-- His first biological child- Sure he has your other 2 kids too... but this is great for him too.. It might take a bit to wear off--- Don't feel bad! I'm sure many many new expectant moms feel the exact way you do.. How did you feel with your first 2... When this baby comes-- Happiness will take over and you won't be scared anymore- Congrats again!!!
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I think that is one one my concerns. My other two are self suffiencent and now, the baby comes. I had children at such an early age, it is almost like I could taste being able to actually live. So I guess it is a selfish feeling also that kinda takes over too. But I do try to keep in mind that everything happens for a reason and I must be doing something right for God to give me this opportunity. And my other half. Since he has none. Thank you for your response and thank you for the congrats.
• Australia
20 Feb 07
It must be quite a shock finding out your pregnant after so long.Hopefully you will get excited as it is a blessing.one good aspect to it is at least you'll have plenty of help from your children and partner.Many people have children and do it alone.Enjoy all the aspects of the pregnancy.I am sure once you see the baby on the ultra sound or feel him/her kick the excitement will kick in.
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
You are so right when you say many don't have the other partner to help and I am very fortunate. I have a sonogram tomorrow and I think that will help me alot. To see and hear the baby. I am really hoping that will start changing the way I feel right now and I hope to feel the joy every1 else is feeling right now.
• United States
20 Feb 07
Congradualtions....I understand your shock and you may never get over it. LOL I had my daughter 2 years ago. I went to the doctor because I had a really bad cold and felt real run down. I walked out of the doctor's office learning that I had Pneumonia and I was pregnant. It is funny now...but when I was in the doctor's office I kept saying there must be some mistake. I have Pneumonia, I think you are in the wrong room. My older kids were 18, 17, 13 and 10. My son graduated a few months after my daughter was born. I still can't believe I have her. Some how it doesn't seem real..I think I am still in shock.
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
WOW and WOW. With my first two kids, that is how I found out by going to the doctor becasue of something else and walking out with a goody bag and some meds. It is amazng how that happens. Thank you for your response and very late congrats to u.
• United States
20 Feb 07
Congratulations! My first two chidlren are 17 years apart. Once you get over the initial shock, you will love it! Starting over...it keeps you young! I had my first child very young and my last child on the older side (at age 38). I can definitely tell you it is better and easier (not physically, but in other ways) to have kids a little later. I was definitely more ready.
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
WOW! 17 years is a long time so u have me beat and u made it through just fine. That is wonderful. Physically I am in total agreeance with you, physically it is real hard, you definatly feel it. The doc did not lie. Thank you for your response and I will try to look at it in the way you do in it keeping me young. Thanks again.
• Indonesia
20 Feb 07
First of all congratulation. It won't sink in all of the sudden, and, I think it's fair enough after 14 years, you would have shocked. :) Just make sure you keep that happy thoughts for one wouldn't want to have any miscarriage. (knocked the wood) You'll do find. My mom found out she was pregnant after 10 years, and at the end of the day, she said she's so lucky that she had another one while everyone's already leave the house. At first, it was a shock for her, too. And my sister (the last baby in the family) was being treated so spoiled by my parents now. lol
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
It was nice to get a comment from a sibling of a similier situation. Thank you very much.
@Bev1986 (1427)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Wow! I'd be in shock too! lol! My girls are 13 and 16 and I can't even imagine having another one right now... You may not be happy right now, but you've got some time to adjust... I bet you anything that by the time it's "time" for the little one to come into the world, you'll be ready ;) And, I bet you'll be more excited than you could ever imagine! Good luck to you!
1 person likes this
@lucie225 (157)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Thank you so much for the good luck. Your only 1 year behind both of mine. Watch out when they get 14 and 17,lol. I do appreciate your thoughts though very much.
• India
21 Feb 07
Firstly lucie, your reaction to the unexpected news is perfectly rational and normal, so stop berating yourself or feeling guilty about it. Allow the news to sink in, completely and then see how you feel about it. Trust your gut feeling about it and don't let yourself be forced into any decision that you might regret later on. Take your time and allow your mind to relax. Hopefully, you will have your answers soon. All the very best to you!