Help! I need your advice! All Breadwinners in the Family!

@geejoy (344)
February 21, 2007 7:04pm CST
I'm the oldest daughter and i've been supporting my family ever since i landed on my first workplace......during the first five years, its really ok for me that all my salaries went directly to my family and never leaving any to myself...but then, lately, i realized i need to save for my future and i need to experience being single and alive also...because it will be a small time only before i get into another responsibility of having my own family....the problem here is that my immediate family is very dependent on mother always ask almost anything from the food they will eat to the tuition of my younger sister, im the one who's going to solve all these....all the problems of the family is being given to me.....i don't know if this is wrong but then, i have the right to enjoy and in some way, let my family know that i have my own life also to face.....what im asking for is for them to stand on their feet and do their share also of being a part of the not asking too much...all i want is for my family to budget the money im giving them and to think before asking for additional money cause im not a bank! maybe im tired already......pls give me your opinions on this matter
2 people like this
3 responses
• United States
3 Apr 07
Hi! I experienced being the breadwinner of the family for three years (I'm the oldest), until my younger sister (the second one) finally got a job, too, so she helped me out. My (step)father was overseas at the time and he wasn't sending money. My parents were having marital troubles at the time, so I stopped medical schooling and became the one being depended on for basic needs. My mom would do some occasional business on the side but wasn't stable enough to pay the bills. I think I just got lucky when my father came back and I was able to finally think about my own future. If I were in your shoes, I will try to talk to all my family members and discuss the possibility of lessening the burden on me. A support system would be good because they have to realize that you also have dreams and goals to achieve for yourself. They have to realize that you also need a life, and you have already sacrificed a lot. I'm not suggesting that you turn your back on them, but try to sit down together and discuss the possibility of helping one another improve the family's finances so that you can also achieve your goals. You're a breadwinner, you have the capacity, so you can still go further. Don't limit your capacities. Just my opinion. Happy myLotting!
• Philippines
15 Mar 07
I understand exactly how you feel. I'm a breedwinner, too. So the responsibility also lies on my shoulder. Fortunately, for me, my father has a job so they don't depend on me for all their needs. All I do is support them. However, I have to support my younger siblings in college. This is quite hard for me because I am married and already have a baby. Besides, my salary is not enough to support both of them and my baby. So I'm really having a hard time. I almost couldn't even buy something for myself. It is hard, I know, that you have to work for your whole family. Maybe you could talk to them and let them understand that you have to get a life for yourself . You need to save for your future, too. Besides, you won't be there for them forever so they, too, should work for themselves and not rely on you fully for financial support.
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
Maybe when I could also have my own job,I could better understand you or I could behave the way you do. My parents frequently told me that I am the only hope of our poor family since I am better in intellectual capacity compared to my other siblings. I'm not the eldest(I'm the second child), but it seems that I have a very herculean task ahead of me. Right now, I am very much dedicated to really help my family and rescue them from poverty. But then, there will always come a time in my life where I'm tired and I'd realize I also needed time for my self. In your case, I understand you since being in your situation is never easy. I think you just have to understand your family if they're so dependent on you. Whenever you get annoyed by their relentless demands, just think back of those long years when you were still depending on them for everything that you need from financial,social,emotional needs,etc. and they cater to each need of yours. It will never be that easy but still I consider you a lucky person because of everything you have and everything you've proven for your self and your family. So, don't fret and live life to the fullest. Have time for your self and enjoy your youth. Keep smiling and stop knitting your brows as it could only worsen the matter.