Quickie marriages:what they really mean?
February 22, 2007 4:38pm CST
After all ,who gets divorced that quickly ?Actually ,more "regular"people than you think,the most common time for marriages to fall apart is within the first two years ,according to diane sollee,director of smarmarriages.com. And while there are no hard numbers ,anecdtoal data suggests that we're whipping through matrimony faster than ever ,This means that you might find yourself dating a twentysomething with a divorce under his or her proverbial belt. Does that mean the person is a poor judge character ,or impossibly impulsive?Should you steer clear?The answer isn't so sinple ,I should know .At 28,I got divorced three weeks shy of my first anniversary,Were I on the other side ,discovering over dinner that my date had been married briefly ,I might judge him as immature and irresponsible ,But now ,after my own experience and after talking to the experts ,I know not all high-speed divorces are the same ,If you're dating someone who swiftly separated,consider the following Quickie question#1:who broke up with whom? Remember :For every heartbreaker out there ,there's someone who's had his or her heart broken ,The fact is ,not everyone who is divorced wanted to be divorced ,studies show that three out of four divoreces are unilateral-meaning that only one spouse decided to end it -and that women are more likely to end marriages than men .In lay men's terms the seemingly irresponsible cad may not be so bad ,That's why it's important to gently tease out the circumstances surrounding the divorce before before passing judgment ,stresses Jay Lebow ,senior therapist at the Family Institule at Northwestern University.:Often,one partner hasn't really thought through the full range of things it means to be married ."he explains ."Or the person who left could have commitmernt issues." Quickie question #2:Did age play a role? Ah ,young lovers-impulsive ,romantic,headstrong,foolish,thosr qualities that make you go weak in the knees so easily are often also the same ones that cause prolems later on .The younger you are when marry ,the more likely your marriage will end ,but that doesn't necessarily brand you as non-marriage material for life ,Adrian ,31,who works in advertising sales in Dallas ,knew that Bree had been married ."she got married too young."Adrian says."There were options to get out before the wedding ,but she went through with it out of guilt ."Two years since her split ,Adrian says ."This crisis made her more mature than most people her age ,I honestly don't think we would've gotten together if she hadn't gone through this."
1 person likes this