... am I not being a good mother..?

United States
February 23, 2007 6:29am CST
I'm a new mom with a 5 month old son. I'm feeling a little hurt when other mothers boast about how they are exclusively breast feeding their child. And it bothers me, because I did try, but it just didn't work for me. They make it seem like I'm feeding my son 'poison' by giving him formula. There are also other mothers who are insisting that solids shouldn't be introduced until 6 months, and I started him on it at 4 months, with my pediatrician approval. Now should I feel like I'm on a level below them because I don't breastfeed, or that I have started solids?It just hurts my feelings.. and I don't know how to defend myself..?
27 people like this
29 responses
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
23 Feb 07
OMG! you are NOT doing anything wrong and you really need to put ppl like taht in their place when they make rude comments to you...DO NOT tolerate that!! You are doing what you feel is best for you and YOUR child...I only nursed my daughter for 5 weeks because i did produce enough milk and had to go back to work and nobody dare cross me on it because I would have snapped....As far as solids goes...again put them in their place..your pediatrician GAVE THE OK!! So whats the problem?? Ppl like to think they know whats best for everyone and tend to butt in with uncalled for comments when its not necessary or needed.... Do you love your child? Do you provide for him, hold him, take care of him, protect him, feed him, keep him warm, cuddle with him, spedn time with him and so on?? I'm goin to assume you do..so in all honesty P!SS ON THEM!! You are doing a BEAUTIFUL job and dont let anyone else try to convince you otherwise!!
3 people like this
@shifsha (22)
• Singapore
23 Feb 07
i exclusive breat fed both my kids because i think that good. but if it doesnt work for someone that dioesnt mean they are bad mommies. u dont hv to defend urself to anyone do what works for u. :)
2 people like this
@jothis (519)
• India
24 Feb 07
all mothers should their new born baby their milk only because that contains all nutritions for the baby. itherwise it will create health problems for the child
1 person likes this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
23 Feb 07
I believe in nursing, cloth diapers, gentle discipline, delaying solids-a lot of different things that many mothers do not do. However, I will never make another mother feel like crap about not doing those things. My son did end up having his formula in his belly and another local mother chastized me for it-you know what I said "well he did get formula but at least his mother isn't a b^@$h" We as mothers will continue to grow, learn from our mistakes, and move on. It is wrong to belittle others for doing things differently. I don't suggest saying what I did since it was in the heat of the moment, but tell others that mothering is not a competition. We should stick together!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Feb 07
Welcome to the world of Mommy Guilt. Feel no shame in feeding your son formula. Also feel no shame in when you start solids. For every mother, there is a different opinion. So how many opinions is that? Trust your instinct, and check with your pediatrician, which you have done already. You are on the right track. How to defend yourself...say..."Hmm, I have heard people with that opinon before, Thanks for sharing!" Then do your thing.
@magnet (2089)
• United States
6 Apr 07
Don't listen to what people tell you. I nursed, but I don't see anything wrong with not nursing. I started my baby on solids at 4 mths and my doctor said that it is okay. My son was ready for it. Some babies can't handle solids at that age,but that wasn't the case with my children.
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
24 Feb 07
how you care for your own child has nothing to do with others. If you are happy and your child is happy, then you cant be doing alot wrong. There will always be those who try to make themselves feel beter by making others feel worse blessed be
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
24 Feb 07
As a young mother you will feel insecure and doubt yourself alot. But I am telling you if you listen to everybody you will go crazy. You cannot please everybody but you must please yourself. Do what both you and your baby's doctor feel is right. Tell the others although you appreciate their advice, you are a doctor, your own mother and your own common sense to decide what is right for your child as they will do the same with theirs.
• Singapore
24 Feb 07
But it's true that brxxxt feed actually boast up the baby immune system. No worries, just do your best for the baby and I believe he/she will understand. regards, Thomas Hoi http://drsecretbwl.blogspot.com
• Slovak Republic
24 Feb 07
I don't think people should judge you for that. Not doing that to your baby does not necessarily mean you don't love them. There are just people that are not capable of doing so for so many reasons. As long as you know you love your baby and you are doing all you can do to show your kid your love you're doing good. No one thing can describe a good mother and no other person can explain that also. Let your son be the judge of that after all his the one you're caring for. right?
• India
24 Feb 07
Hello...u need worry about people's comments because they need some issue to comment on others...only u know what is good for ur child and what is not..isn't it?? so do not worry about people...because if they see u worried they keep torturing u in every manner and u may become the most frustrated...they may enjoy it...so cool down and do what are doing do not heed to people's word..just do your work and take care of ur child..All the Best..
• Canada
24 Feb 07
You know your child better then anyone else and try not to let it get to you . Tell everyone that you don't tell them how to raise their children and don't want any of their advise either . When you do you will ask for it . You are not doing anything wrong . For some reason everyone feels they know more about raising children , yet if we look around , there is no perfect child out there so obviously there is no one who knows how to do it the right way . I understand this hurts your feelings and you should try to explain this also as if they do care about you then they wouldn't want to hurt your feelings .
@tarsadawn (350)
• United States
24 Feb 07
This may sound cliche, but it's true, don't worry about what other mothers are doing!!! I did for my son's first year, always comparing myself with this mother or that mother...and even (yes, I'm admitting it) compared Noah's development with this child and that child. You'll drive yourself crazy doing it. Formula today is made to best represent the mother's milk. 10-20 years ago, people did, practically, nothing but bottle feed. My son started solid foods at 4 months also. Lots of children do. We had our pediatricians approval, actually he wanted to start at 3 1/2 months. Just do your best and follow your pediatricians advice. Let the other mother's do what suits them best.
@alchemistrx (2590)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
I think you are trying your best to be a good mom. Don't be hurt but just keep on trying to give them the best.
@Bangalorean (1283)
• India
24 Feb 07
There is never anything gained by comparision, other sorrow and pain. so why earn that, instead be satisfied with whta you do and have. If your son is being fed solid food, its good..........for the earlier is better. Finally he has to eat the same, isnt it. Only take care to see he gets all the essential nutrients.
• China
24 Feb 07
Do yourself, only you, the baby's mother!
@junior07 (975)
• India
24 Feb 07
i think what is of utmost importance is care of ur child and if u r caring ur child properly then there is no bad thing u r doing with ur child.
• India
24 Feb 07
no there is nothing to feel bad about it if others are boasting type let them be. you are a good mother have this feeling in yourself. and when your paed had approved of this then there is nothing to worry about. for answering them you could as well say that your child will be the strongest when it grows up.
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
actually, it really hurts wen we cant give our child the best that we can, but as long as we handed them carefully and we love them i know its enough..dont worry your son understands it
• United States
24 Feb 07
This makes me so, so mad. I nursed my first but not my second because I had to go back on meds after I had him. That was 10 years ago and i don't think it was as bad then as it is now, but I still got flack. Some people don't even think about the circumstances that may make others not able to nurse. Even if a woman chooses not to nurse just because she's uncomfortable with it, so be it, it's a very personal decision. You're not a bad mother and don't let others make you feel like you are. As long as your baby is happy and healthy and thriving, you're all good.