Is it okay if your spouse/partner check your personal cellfone once in a while?

United States
February 26, 2007 1:10am CST
I mean like checking text messages, incoming or outgoing calls or sometimes when you're not around...would you mind if he/she answer your phone if it rings? Do you think that cellfone is a private property that needed to asked permission if you can check on it? Do you check your partners monthly bills?
2 people like this
13 responses
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
26 Feb 07
oh, my goodness, is this a personal peeve of mine or what?! My husband of 1 1/2 years is insecure enough to check my email, as well as scroll through the caller id on our home phone when he gets in from work. How can anyone think that this inspires respect and trust? Whenever he dares to demand information about phone calls or emails I may get, I refuse to answer him. I insist that he focus on the real issue - his feelings of insecurity and jealousy. I might add that I have never given him reason to doubt me. He just doesn't get how insulting this kind of behavior is to me. I am an adult, not a mischievious child! Insecurity and jealousy cause people to behave in such juvenile and degrading ways! Oh, by the way, he has a cell phone, which I never check. He has email which I never read. And HE is the one who has lied and gotten caught in lies during the course of our relationship. UGH! This issue really burns me up. Relationships that are based on respect and trust don't allow such immature actions. When you invade someone's privacy by "checking" their phones, pagers, pda's, emails, diaries, journals, etc., you are saying that they are liars, you are saying that they are not worthy of your trust and respect. Basically, you are saying that they are not the one for you.
• United States
26 Feb 07
My bf used to be like that...paranoid! Maybe your husband is like that because he was the one doing it. I mean as you have said he lied and got caught already so he's kind of paranoid that you might do something too. I advice that give him what he wants since you are not hiding anything. In the end he'll get tired of checking your emails and phone because there's nothing to search on. It would be a relief!
@howard96h (11659)
• New York, New York
26 Feb 07
ZenDove I agree with you 100%! It is insulting and a sign of insecurity and jealousy.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
26 Feb 07
Hottie - you're absolutely right about him worrying that I'll do the same things to him that he has done to me. I always try to reassure him by telling him that my character is based upon the standards that I set for myself. I don't change who I am in order to "get back" at someone. Plus, I REFUSE to give him the satisfaction of giving into his insecurities and unfairness. I don't have anything to hide, even if I were having an affair I wouldn't hide it because I am not a liar. Yet, as an adult, I have the right to my privacy. I don't need him checking the bathroom whenever I use it and I don't need him checking my phone calls! :-)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
My boyfriend and I do share our phones once in a while. He checks my phones, reads the messages and sometimes, answers calls if I permit him to. There's no problem because we both gave each other the permission to do that. Besides i'm not hiding anything from him and vice versa. Sometimes he checks my bills and checks his bills too. THus, I guess everything will depend on what both of you agreed. I know some friends who don't want that their partners would envade their own private properties. But as to our case with my boyfriend, cellphones are just fine with us. Nothing to hide for.
• United States
27 Feb 07
Likewise here! Thanks for sharing!
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
yes of course. but due to respect of each other's privacy, it's better if one would ask casually but politely that he/she wants to borrow your phone. if you're not around, it's ok if he answers it for you, might be an important call, at least he's there to tell you what it's all about. and besides, even if he checks your phone, there's no need to worry because you know you're not hiding anything from him.
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your comment!
• Australia
26 Feb 07
Yeah I dont think this should be a problem as long as you have nothing to hide,I wouldnt expect him to ask permission before he checked but then again by checking just proves that he doesnt trust me? Just checking the phone wouldnt bother me too much but checking phone bills and emails and getting too deep would drive me crazy.
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your comment!
• United States
26 Feb 07
It is okay with me if my husband want to check my cellphone in anyway he wants to. I would even let him check my email. I don't have anything to hide from him. I expect him to let me check his too though. What is good for the goose is good for the gander!
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your comment!
@mdchennai (2129)
• India
26 Feb 07
well in my views i dont think that there is anything wrong in checking my gf's mobile or she checking my mob........ Firstly of all we both trust each other and even if suppose once a while we check each others mobile i dont think she will have any problem nor i will have any problem......... secondly its because of possessiveness that others check their partners mobile and i believe that possessiveness will be there in every true love or relationship :)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your comment!
@maryannemax (12172)
• Sweden
26 Feb 07
honestly, i don't care if my boyfriend checks my phone every now and then. i do believe when one has nothing to hide, one will never feel uneasy being so much open to his/her partner. actually, i am not the kind of person who checks my boyfriend's inbox or sent box nor check his dialled numbers/missed calls/received calls. but if my boyfriend's the equal opposite of me, it's okey. i won't worry about anything. but i do have a boyfriend who trusts me a lot. more or less, he's like me who does not check my mobile phone at all.
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your comment!
@howard96h (11659)
• New York, New York
26 Feb 07
I would never check anyones cell phone and I don't expect anyone I'm with to check mine. I have total trust and expect the same. I can't have a relationship if there is no trust.
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
26 Feb 07
Howard, I have found that most people base the parameters of their relationship upon who is sleeping with whom. When they say "I trust you" what they usually mean is "I believe you are only sleeping with me." Trust goes so much deeper than that. When someone trusts me, I want them to trust who I am as a person. Trust my character, trust my intentions. Checking someone's cellphone to make sure that they are not sleeping with someone else is all about ownership and territory. Where's the love in that?
@abi1005 (194)
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
i really won't mind if my partner will check my cellphone or email messages. there's nothing wrong about it since i am not hiding anything from him. but i guess, all of us has different opinions about this matter. my partner hates it actually when i check his cellphone. he always tell me that it is his personal property. my stand is, why keep your cellphone private when you have nothing to hide anyways?
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your comment!
@Neo_Knights (1887)
• Indonesia
26 Feb 07
I'm OK if my partner checks my SMS or receiving my calls but as long as I permit her. But if you got nothing to hide then why you objected ?
• United States
26 Feb 07
I agree with you. Thanks!
@eolivan (414)
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
i wouldn't mind my spouse checking my celfone especially i don't keep anything from her. but i hate it when she reads my messages and makes up stories about the messages she reads from them and gets mad like what gets formed in her head is what really happened.its harder to explain something that didn't happen but she thinks happens and you become the liar.
@sensesfail (2251)
• India
26 Feb 07
First off, i wouldn't pick a spouse like that. Even if she did i wouldn't mind it cuz i know that I'd be clean.
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
I see no problem with that. I dont have anything in there to hide. I guess its the method of approach that may pose as a problem. There are those who not only check the messages but also delete some of them or perhaps when your partner checks your email and later changes the password..now, that's a problem!