Should parents intervene in the lives of their married children?

Singapore
February 26, 2007 6:51am CST
I had an experience last month when my brother & his wife had a big fight. My sister in law went back to their home. My parents wanted to fetch her but I told them not to intervene. Do you think I did the right suggestion? Is there a boundary where parents can intervene in the lives of their married children?
2 people like this
7 responses
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
NEVER, unless either one is being physically abused already, then parents can, in one way or the other, do something about it. I am a mother of soon-to-be three children and though it's way too far to becoming an in law yet, i strongly disagree parents intervening in the married lives of their children. It is a sign of disrespect to their married children and their spouse. There are times that when parents try to intervene in personal problems of their married children, the problem gets worst, especially, when they become bias. It also has emotional effect on spouses of their children, when they feel that their privacy is being abused already. It's better of that parents keep themselves not involve in their children's married life. They can of course give advice when either one of the party is asking for it, then that's the time that they can speak out and give motherly or fatherly advice but it is important for them not to be one-sided.
• United States
27 Feb 07
I think that you were right, if your sister in law wanted to discuss it with your parents or whoever then she would have done so, she probably needed and wanted some time alone. I don't think that anyone should intervene in marriages unless there is abuse happening.
• Ireland
26 Feb 07
You were absolutely right to stop them. First of all she isnt their daughter. All they have to do is to be there for their son and listen to him and give advice if he asks for it. Hopefully they will work it out between them when they cool off but maybe it was a mistake for them to marry in the first place and they realise that now. Only they know what they want to do.
• United States
26 Feb 07
I don't think that someone should go running to their parent's home when they have a fight with their spouse. If it is an abuse situation thats fine, but otherwise they need to stay home and work it out. The parents should be telling her that they love her and they are always there for her, but she needs to go home and work out her problems with her husband. Once you are married you need to be an adult and solve your own problems, without running to mommy and daddy for help.
@Sicantik (706)
26 Feb 07
You absolutely did the right thing .I don't think anybody should intervere in anybody marriage not even the parents. It is simply because Married couple suppose to be an adult and mature enough to deal with their own problem. And also married couple fight all the time doesn't mean that they have a problem or don't love each other anymore. It just the way of life. So you'll be surprise if oneday they look like they could kill each other and they'll already all cozy again the next day, So unless you have been asked to intervere it's better to stay away...
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
26 Feb 07
I think you were right. I really don't think parents should interfere with their children's relationships once they are married (unless of course there is some kind of abuse that needs to be stopped), because they cannot be biased. Really, you can't pick sides when it comes to your children, and you are only hurting your children's relationships. My parents have never attempted to get involved, and I know that if for some reason I tried to involve them, they would tell me to go talk to my husband about it.
@justreal (2369)
• Canada
26 Feb 07
Well I think parents should be there for their daughter in sitiations like that, and I'm sure she needs her parents support as well. Maybe they should not intervene, but maybe they should when they see their in this in really bad marriage situations like that.