Issues with Being Adopted.

@Jshean20 (14374)
Canada
March 1, 2007 4:56pm CST
I'm hoping that someone who has been adopted themselves or had a close friend/family member who was adopted, can help me out. You see, my boyfriend was born in Korea and at the young age of two he was found abandoned in the back of a restaurant with bags of clothes. He was adopted and brought to Canada by his foster parents but never really talks much about it, but his parents have told me what things were like for him growing up. When he was younger he would have horrible nightmares involving a knife and his parents took him to undergo hypnosis. Apparently during this time he spoke of murder-like things, things he has never told his parents. My boyfriend seems to have commitment problems and we fight often because he can be hurtful with his attitude and in some things he says, he also drinks a lot. I often wonder if this behavior is stemmed from being adopted (his parents think so and I wonder too). What has your experience been with adoption? Do you think he could have bad memories that he's not telling us about? Meeting his biological parents is out of the question. He also has a macho-man attitude (more than the typical man) and I'm wondering where this comes from as well. Could it be that he's hiding his deep feelings behind a macho-man? Opinions needed.
3 people like this
2 responses
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I do have a neice that was adopted but most of my experience with this is due to studies that i had in college.I took a course in the ways of the mind...I do not think that your b/f s problems was from being adopted, but from the fact that he was dropped off by his biological parents..He has a separation disorder from being left...when someone has a separation disorder they do not like to commit because if they commit they have a fear of being left again...I will tell you this, his drinking only adds to his problems and only adds fire to the flame...It appears that he was adopted by caring parents that has shown him love and care..but he feels he is disconnected and probably thinks he was not wanted by his real parents,and therefore he has a feeling that something must have been wrong with him because they left him..His hurtful attitude and verbal abuse comes from his inner bitterness,and he lashes out at the ones he cares about,its sorta like he wants to hurt someone because he was hurt...Those horrible nightmares he had was the things that he has seen as a child and he has buried them deep into his mind..and it confuses him..he probably never told his parents about the knife because he does not remember them except in his deep mind which he does not reach that level while fully awake....Separation disorder in plain english simply means abandament..His macho -man attitude is a defense /or a way of protecting himself from further hurt.I don.t really think it has a lot to do with adoption...Your b/f really needs to remain in therpy and try to work out these issues,and accept the fact he was abandoned by his parents and that it was also caused from other reasons other than the fact that he was not wanted...I do hope your b/f gets the help he needs,im sure he is as much surprised by his attitude as you are.Good luck Dear.
@Jshean20 (14374)
• Canada
3 Mar 07
Your comments all make a lot of sense, thank you very much.
@jess368 (3375)
• United States
1 Mar 07
So during the first few years of life is when you develope your personality. With that you also develop trust or mistrust. If he was mistreated, unloved, or anything like that in his first two years of life that could be the cause of his actions. he probably does not remember what happened then, but he taught himself to be the way he is because that was his coping method when he was young. Its hard to fix when a child has gone through horrible things. you can try counseling. sometimes it works other times it dosent. hypnosis can be good because you can remember what happened and then deal with it. If when he was younger and he spoke of murder and such under hypnosis, that should be a good indicator that its not his adoptive parents fault. My mom was adopted, but she was three months old. Most of my information comes from psychology and child care experiences. i hope it helped.
@Jshean20 (14374)
• Canada
3 Mar 07
I appreciate your advice and knowledge, thanks a lot.