I cant seem to say NO to family, even after I know they wont return favors..grr.

United States
March 4, 2007 4:08am CST
Do you have a family member that only seems to look out for #1? I do and I cant stand the fact that he is like that. All he has to do is come up and ask for it and I do ALL that I can to help, because that is what family does. We were raised that of all the people you meet in your life, your family is the ones you should always be able to count on. Well, he got that part, he has no problem asking for things, and I CANT say no but when it comes to me asking for his help in anything he is nowhere to be found. This bothers me because I have such a huge heart and even knowing that I am gonna get screwed over by it, I still help because he is family. I cant imagine MYSELF not having someone to fall on IF I ever need it, so I feel I should help him whenever possible. But it gets really old when he wont return the favor. I get hung out to dry when asking him for a favor. I say everytime that I am done helping him, but I CAN NOT say no, because I hate the thought of ANYONE going without. How do I get over saying NO and still be able to feel good in my heart.. If it wasnt family it would be so much easier, but w/ the family values that I have, I just cant seem to get over it..PLEASE advise me how to say no and feel good with myself for doing so?
1 response
• United Arab Emirates
4 Mar 07
I know how it feels to be in that porition. I got a younger brother and sister. And no matter what the reason or ho bad my mood is, whenever my younger bro asks for my help, i help him. And what makes things worse is the fact that he is arrogant, selfish, proud and short tempered; almost enough reasons for me not to help him again. But maybe you thinking of in temrms of receiving the favor could be the problem. Maybe you expect the favor to be returned. And because it doesn't come, you get disappointed. Like they say, expect the unexpected. What you are doing is truly amazing. Thats self sacrifice. But maybe this idea of getting favors in return has made you belive that YOU should recieve the favor. Try not to expect anything. I know it sometimes feels real bad, but if you keep thinking in terms of receiving favors, then you'll always end up disappointed. So always help wihout asking for anything in return. And God bless you for acting such a way. Don't stop. Believe me when i say this, this person is truly blessed to have you. And I don't think he realises it yet !!! lol.
• United States
4 Mar 07
I understand that totally, because I really DONT expect him to help me and 99% of the time I dont need his help as he obviously is in NO position to return the favor. But he was coming up about 2 times a week asking for things and I ALWAYS helped. Then one week my b/f was up north working and my muffler fell off, so I decided to ask my beloved family member, and he couldnt seem to remember path, the same path he used to get things from me. I dont do things for him in the thought that "he owes me" but holy cow it would have only taken him a minute to show he appreciates all that I do for him.