help my child is out of control he is 16 and nothing seems to work

United States
March 4, 2007 9:07am CST
I have a 16 year old who is not afraid to call me names like C___, SL___, B____ and uses very fowl language towards me. I have been doing family counsling, parenting classes, and asking anyone and everyone I know for help. I went to this parent project and tried to take everything away for a short period of time but even that does not seem to change the behavior. He is on probation but does not care if he sits in detention. I am so tired of the name calling and hatefulness he directs at me. He wants to move out but I will not let him, he is not old enough and I am responsible for him until he is 18. His father who I have not been with for over 13 years is in prison and has a history of drug abuse which is why we are not together. I am newly married to a man I have been with for over 5 years, he has participated in the family counsling and he supports us, although he has a very hard time and i do mean a VERY HARD TIME holding back from just beating my son's behind. My husband was raised from a very disciplined home and everytime my son talks back to me or yells at me or is disrespectful towards me, my husband has to leave the room or leave the house. I am so sad and cannot seem to find anything to get through to him. I have 2 other teenagers a 15 year old boy and a 13 year old girl which have not given me as much grief as the 16 year old. My 16 year old is making my life a living nightmere and I just want to wake up. I feel like I need a 24 hr on call counsler but that is not available and I am really tired of having to police over to my home because I have to call them when my son is being very verbally abusive and out of control. I cannot emotionally keep taking his blows what can I do. I love my son he does not feel like I do and when he is yelling at me like he does I sometimes don't know if I do or not. It really hurts. So if anyone has any suggestions or tips or anything to share with me that might give me some hope I will be very grateful. Thanks.
1 response
@RivahGal (34)
• United States
6 Mar 07
I have a son who will be 16 in July. If he was as you describe your son, I'd do what the law says has to be, shelter, basic clothing. The kind of language that he uses with you would cause me brain damage...I'd forget how to buy and cook his favorite foods. Beans and rice are healthy. I'd forget how to wash his laundry,a nd how to drive him to where he wants to go. I'd forget that name brand foods and clothings exists...generic is fine! Remind this child that sooner or later he's going to want a driver's license and car, but you can't give that kind of responsibility to someone who behaves the way he does. At this stage, this may work, or it may not. In any case, try to do the best you can until he's age 18 and show him the door. My son knows that we are as serious as a heart attack and he's fairly well-behaved...but there are times when he makes us parent. Just because something doesn't work quickly doesn't mean it won't work eventually. He'll be getting the message. Make sure that you and your hubby agree on consequences and stick to it. Julie web manager