Wanting More

United States
March 5, 2007 10:14pm CST
I can't begin to tell you how utterly miserable I am in the relationship that I am in right now. We've been living together since the first night that he spent the night, and I've loved him for a time now. But I want more. He told me that he would marry me to put me through school, but I don't want him to marry me just to put me through school. What about me ? What about loving me ? What about me being the woman for him ? What happened to all of that. The fact that he can't say any of those things to me after all we've been through, i'm starting to feel like its time to let go and it breaks my heart to know that he doesnt feel that special way about me. All I can do is cry. Another relationship tbat lets me know how special i'm not, and how treasured and appreciated i'm really not. I have taken such a blow to the heart and mind and it's crippling to my mind how this has happened to me another time.
6 people like this
16 responses
• United States
6 Mar 07
Please do not settle for less than you know you deserve! Don't worry that this is another "failed" relationship, because really, it is just another life lesson learned..now you know what you don't want and what you won't accept!! If he can't love you completely for all that you are then he's not worthy of your love! You're so very young and you have sooo much life ahead of you, just please do not settle! I did check out your profile and your link to your myspace, and you seem to have so much love and support from your friends, don't let this man get you down! You're beautiful and you have ambitions and goals! I admire your drive and how far you've come already! You'll get back into your college groove one way or another. I know it's expensive, but where there's a will there's a way...and YOU CAN DO IT!! You can do it without him!! I'd tell him to take his money and shove it where the sun don't shine if I were you! I'm sorry that you're going through this turmoil. Listen to your brain as well as your heart... Best wishes to you! :)
2 people like this
@jhen_108 (39)
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
yeah i think it's time to let go. if you stay with him you'll just feel hurt even more. the worst feeling is not to be loved back. set him free and set yourself free from the pain. get out of that relationship now before you give your all to him or there'll be nothing left for the man who truly deserves you. he's just out there. it's not yet the right time that's why you haven't met him. when the right time comes you'll know. give yourself time to heal but don't close your door. you'll be welcoming him into your heart at the right time, at the right place.
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
6 Mar 07
First of all...does he know you are miserable? Does he feel the same? If you love this guy then all I can say is fight to make it work. Talk to him...talking and truly expressing your feelings can help if you truly love him, he needs to know how you feel. He obviously cares about you or he wouldnt be wanting to marry you to send you to school...maybe thats just his own way of showing you he will do what it takes to take care of you. But if you are totally miserable now, then its better to just face the hard times end it and get out of it now. And the longer you wait to end it the harder it will be on both of you. I have been in a situation like this and I finally decided to just take the pain of breaking up and when I did, after I went thru my depression phase and adjusting to life without him I became a much happier person. Just do your self a favor and realize that you deserve the best, weather its with him or with someone else. And also....dont think that someone else special wont come along....because he will, Mr right does exist, it just takes some of us longer to find him and figure out exactly what Mr right is for us.
• United States
9 Mar 07
He is one of the best people I know, but when he said he wasn't sure about marrying me since it has only been 6 months, I felt insulted, like maybe we shouldn't be together. However, he said "I am sure that I want you as my girlfriend" and he let me know he just hasn't thought about marriage, which is the reason that he is unsure. As hard as I tried to end it, he fought a lot harder to keep it. That does say a lot doesn't it ?
@liranlgo (5743)
• Israel
6 Mar 07
i have a few questions: how long are you together? how do you know he does not love you? there are alote of man that are not emotionally open and that does not mean that he does not love you. i think that if he did not love you he would not have stayed with you and say he will merry you. why should he do this thing if he does not love you????? maybe you are too emotionical..is it a possibilitty? maybe you should go to him and tell him what bothers you like you told us and see what he answers. i think he does love you dear
@missinghim (1339)
• United States
6 Mar 07
i am so sorry to hear that this is happening to you. but my mother always tells me that a person will only do to you what you allow them to do to you. basically, by you allowing him to stay at YOUR home, even though he's let it be known that he doesn't love you, you aren't the woman for him, etc... your condoning his bad behavior. another thing is that you can't force someone to love you. if he's not wanting to committ to you, then it's time for him to find his own place and get his butt out of yours. simple as that. and i know that it hurts so much, but there are plenty of men that will love you and feel as strongly for you as you feel about them. it's time for you to stop allowing yourself to continue being hurt and move on with your life. it's just not worth the pain and suffering. you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find prince charming, but he's out there for you somewhere.
• India
6 Mar 07
well i feel its high time that you stop crying for those who dont think about or care for you. i strongly feel that crying is not the solution go out and look for a better person and dont let him feel that he is having superior hand in this relation.
• United States
6 Mar 07
To say it is not easy is to under state the issue. I have been with a woman for almost 3 years. I still love her like mad. However we can't stand each other 80% of the time. You may be right to break up. The issue is dealing with the pain of the break up when there gone. I think she would take it better than me. I would be crushed because I don't think I can handle another break up. The pain is what keeps us from breaking up. Do you agree with that?
@laurabeth (146)
• United States
6 Mar 07
It doesn't sound like you need to waste anymore time on this man. Get out of this bad relationship, and take some time for you to figure out what you want from life. When you meet someone new take it slow, when you rush into things it tends not to work out.
• India
6 Mar 07
This big bad world is the biggest school!so try to learn lessons from your relationship that didn't work out. don't hold on tight to a handful of sands.they are meant to slip away. try building up a concrete base of your relationship next time. try to find out if you are a part of your lover's dream or just a means to it. all the best.
@gary87 (129)
• India
6 Mar 07
i think that you are in a terribly critical position right now and you are the only one who can get you out of this position. what if someone betrayed you... there are lots of people out here who can give you the respect you deserve, so dont take life to a stanstill, just move along.............
@rosie_123 (6118)
6 Mar 07
Well, I know it's hard, but if you are that unhappy, please get out now - before you have children, who could be badly affected by a split somewhere down the line. If this man is making you tearful, happy, and unfulfilled, he is not the one for you, and you are best to cut your losses, and go now. One thing I have to say though - about the marriage thing. I know some people feel differently depending on their own religion/culture/upbringing, but just because this guy won't marry you, does not necessarily mean he doesn't love you. I have been with my partner for almost 20 years now, and we're not married, because neither or us wants to be - it doesn't change our feelings or commitment to each other, it's just a peice of paper in our view. So please consider that - but if this guy shows you in other ways that he doesn't respect you, then maybe you should move on.
@nicolec (2674)
• United States
6 Mar 07
Ok, slow down a minute. Is it that he can't say those things because he's a man with communication issues or that he doesn't feel that way? I know my boyfriend loves me even though he doesn't say it. Because he has problems expressing himself. But I know that. You need to talk to him. Asking him straight out if he loves you. Ask him how he feels. Be gentle and patient. Perhaps ask him in the yes or no fashion. Honey, do you love me? You might be pleasantly surprised. And then take the opportunity to tell him what it is you feel and what it is you need and want out of the relationship. Good luck
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
i think you are very special, coz guess what, youre boyfriend wants you to go to school, although its not really that sweet, but he cares about your future and both of your future, your boyfriend is a logical minded person and doesnt want you to be down or surpress by anybody, thats why he wants you to send to school coz he cares for you a lot.
@classy56 (2884)
• United States
6 Mar 07
if you love him an dont want to let go.tell him your not ready for marraige yet an that you would like to shack up an live together.an he can still put you thur school.at least get something out of your relatesonship..lol.maybe hes afraid to say i love you! some men are..just sit down an talk to him before you make any wrong decision.i wish you the best.
• United States
6 Mar 07
Hon, there is a guy out there that will love and appreciate you. You still have plenty of time. As for school, you don't need a man to pay for it. Apply for finacial aid http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/ it is free and depending on your income right now, and where you choose to go to school you may have money left over. I always have at least $600 per semester after tution and books are paid for. Maybe you will find that special man at school :)
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
If you think it's time to let go then by all means let go. You'll find somebody you deserve and who deserves you. You don't have to put up with this. It's hard and it hurts. And it will hurt even more if you don't put a stop to it and only you can put a stop to it.