Is it okay that I want to just give up on having a baby?

Canada
March 11, 2007 4:39am CST
Is it wrong for me to want to give up? I'v had 3 first trimester miscarriages and 1 loss at 21 weeks where I gave birth to a daughter who had died because my water broke too soon. Doctors and specialists that I have seen over the years keep telling me after doing all these tests on me and my husband that they can see nothing wrong and that it's just "bad luck", They think that I could just keep trying but that they have no guarantee and they have no clue as to why my body keeps aborting these poor babies. I have no more strength to go on. I am almost 40 and I don't have time to play around with so I know that I would have to just keep trying to get pregnant but right now I don't think I can go through another loss. I got so sick while pregnant each time and had to stop working each time, and I honestly don't think I can go through it again. Adoption is not a valid suggestion anymore. I can't go through another loss. Is it wrong for me to just want to give up on being a parent and just try to be happy without a child?
2 people like this
5 responses
• Australia
12 Mar 07
Anakata, I don't want to reply here, so I'll private message you. As you know, I've been through much the same. I'll give you the details and it might help.
• United States
11 Mar 07
I have had 1 trimester miscarriages 1 at 13 wks and 1 at 6 wk then carried full term and just had that one 3 months ago. no I don't think its wrong for as many as you have lost no. If you feel you can't carry without losing then you can quit its all up to you. claire
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@catcai (1057)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
I don't think its wrong for you to give up. If you feel that you are not ready yet then its all up to you. Giving up on something because of certain circumstances that make you lose heart doesnt make you bad or is wrong...as you have mentioned, you're tired... and its ok. And if you think you cannot go through another loss then you dont have to go through it again... if you think that you can be happy without having a child then thats good, but if you feel that you will much be happier with a child, then take heart, just rest well and pray.. if you think you're ready enough... then give it another try..just don't expect too much though... But theres always hope, as long as you're not menopausal- you can still bear a child =)
@maribel1218 (3085)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
Anakata I think you better have some rests and relax your mind to the pressure of having a baby for it means only more depression in your part. Take time to think and weight things and I knew you're husband love's you and know what's your going through and the pain that brings with the miscarriage but if LOvE is enough to keep your relationship then it will depend on both of you if you want to keep on trying for I think there is still hope in doing that but not now maybe few months after, for now relax and unwind. Take care anakata!
1 person likes this
• India
11 Mar 07
i don't think that u are wrong if ur health not allow u to do so better try to be happy without a child .
1 person likes this