Do you pre-judge anything
March 11, 2007 1:45pm CST
Recently, I have been a victim of prejudgment. I have always been a helpful, positive and jovial person. When friends are in need, I try to be there to help. The incident happened that about a year back one of my secondary school friend's dad was diagnosed with critical illness. He was feeling down and burdened by what resulted because of that. I took him out for coffees, comforted him when no one was there for him, and talk to him about my own past experiences. My own uncle and dad were also diagnosed with cancer and had strokes, but thankfully, they are now still well. Today, this dad is well and he has gone on with life in a more stable manner. Guess what, today I met up with another friend and we happen to talk about this incident. It came to my knowledge that this friend that I helped, ended up calling me a hypocrite. Saying that all the times I spent talking to him that time, I was hoping something bad happen to his dad. I was there shedding crocodile tears. My GOD. This coming from a friend that played along side me for more then 10 years!. I have not yet thought of whether I am going to call him out and clarify this issue. We still meet up, once or twice a month as work has gotten into most to the people in the group. But MY GOD! I can't help thinking about it. All the time and effort spent to help him get through a tough patch, and now he calls me hypocrite? ? That I'm just acting to be kind and nice. Sigh so much for being a friend in need.
2 people like this
12 Mar 07
In this case, don't you feel that you too are judging your old time friend too fast without getting his side? It's an issue. It's a case that should be resolved. In court proceedings, the accused is deemed innocent unless proven otherwise, isn't it? For the moment, just brush that hurt feelings aside. Don't let it cloud your otherwise cheerful and sunny day. Have fun. Enjoy your work. When the two of you do meet, invite him for a cup of coffee just like the old times. Talk to him about it. At that time, you may be enlightened that all was just gossip and if a bit of the issue is true, then there must be just some misunderstandings. Don't lose your friend. 10 years of friendship is so much to just throw away. Real friends are treasures, they're hard to find. I do hope your frienship will turn out true. May you have the best cup of roast coffee. Good day!
12 Mar 07
Those are good words, mcdale. Appreciate them. But I guess I am the type of person who will try to forget his comments and let the friendship just carry on. I don't think I will ever bring up the topic of him calling my names. I just can't stand this type of negativism. If 1 friend turns out to be right, it just makes the other friend a bad guy. Both ways, I could lose a friend or the trust in a friendship. Any way names and bad words and whatever that people throw at you, they will pass with time. Its the persons own values and attitudes and perceptions that will survive the test of time and make him a better man. Hope with my big heart, I will become a better person and be able to help more people.
13 Mar 07
I think you should tell your friend what this other person said about him. Right now you dont know if your friend really said it or the other person just made it up. There are some real trouble-makers around. They just love to stir things up. They take something someone says and blow it way out of proportion so that the person looks bad. Believe me I know, because I have been the victim of such people. There was a girl who did that between me and my boyfriend. We were going through a rough patch and things I had said which were good, she turned it around and made it sound like I had been complaining about the relationship all the time. Believe me I never knew there were people who could make up so many lies until then. Personally Id never believe something someone else said about a good friend and Id definitely tell my friend about it, probably in a joking manner or to warn my friend that someone is spreading rumours about them. I think you should bring it up with your friend even if its just for your peace of mind. Atleast then you will know for sure.
17 Mar 07
I am very sorry for what happened to you..I don't know why people can be so bad and cruel...but they can and there are some people who seem to like hurting others...I wish I could have a friend like you...someone who would be there for me when I need a friend the most...when I was in trouble, I was left alone by my best friend...this happened two times..now I know I cannot count on nobody but oh how much it hurts...so I cannot imagine someone being treated like you treated your friend and telling this things about you...maybe he is getting crazy!!!
• United States
11 Mar 07
I would be careful about believing the second friend. It may have just been a misunderstanding or may have just been taking out frustrations about something else and didn't mean to hurt you. I try very hard not to trust in gossip, even if it's from a "friend". You weren't there, you don't know what the whole conversation was about, you don't know anything except what this person told you second-hand which is notorious for being inaccurate. Ever play "post office" as a child? If you have then you get what mean. If not then I'll explain the game a little bit. There's a group of people. One person in the group makes up a short story and tells the next person the story without the others hearing it. Then that person tells the next person and so on. The last person tells the story out loud to everyone, then the first person tells the original story out loud. Most of the time the story comes out so completely different that everyone gets a big laugh out of it. What I mean is, people tend to unintentionally twist the truth. If it's true or if it's just gossip, you know you did what you thought was right and that's what matters the most. If it's hurting you so badly then just calmly ask him if the other person's statement is true or not. Then it's first hand knowledge and not gossip. If it is true then he wasn't much of friend to begin with. If it's not true then the second friend may have unintentionally twisted the truth and you need to set him straight. I'm sorry you're hurting over this and I hope the situation can be resolved without further hurt.