Honoring a friend who died of suicide....

United States
March 12, 2007 9:25pm CST
I am so proud of my oldest daughter. A friend of hers hung herself on Christmas eve. She was a senior and while the school will not allow a plaque or anything to honor her (they fear it will give the impression that they "approve" of suicide), my daughter came up with the idea that on their grad gowns they each put an angel pin over their heart. She's purchasing the pins for her 200+ classmates and then asking that everyone donate what they can for them, and giving that money to the girls church in her honor. What a proud moment for a mom. To see how adult like she handled this situation and also to see how thoughtful she was.
20 people like this
37 responses
@wmg2006 (5386)
• United States
13 Mar 07
That is a very sweet and thoughtful thing for your daughter to do. It is so sad when you have a friend or family do this. I lost a cousin this same way last year , he was also a senior, but his school held a private prayer and service for him. It is different everywhere, but I live in the Bible belt and our schools bend the federal rules when it comes to pray. You should be very proud of your daughter.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Mar 07
I am. I had to share her thoughts about it all. They had counsel meetings where they talked to the kids in group but the psychiatrist was so strange and said so many of the wrong things that I actually told my daughter to stop going. I sent her to a counselor on her own. Thank you for the kind words.
1 person likes this
• Canada
13 Mar 07
It's sad to hear that she hung herself the day before christmas, it must have been pretty bad for the parents especially. It makes me think about how much i value life... Yes, you should be very proud of your daughter... She did the right thing by taking this into her own hands because the school did not want to put a plaque in her honor. I hope everything goes well :)
@naty1941 (2336)
• United States
13 Mar 07
You have a right to be proud. What a thoughful thing to do. I bet her friends parents are very grateful.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Mar 07
I lost my brother six months ago on August 17, 2006 and I know the kind of pain that your daughter is suffering. My brother was 20 when he passed away from complications from Juvenile Diabetes. The pain is unbearable sometimes, but you have to keep going and live no matter what.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
I am so sorry for you loss and the pain you must endure. To know that your brother will be waiting for you in an atmosphere of shere bliss perhaps will help. And to know that others care that you are grieving can be a bit of a relief in itself. ((((hugs))))
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
I have my friends, family, and my cats for support. I mostly feel sorry for my brother's girlfriend. She is the one who is really hurt the most in all of this. She wanted to marry my brother and she is sweet as pie, and to know that she will never get to have that joy is real painful.
@imadriscoll (2230)
• United States
14 Mar 07
I can understand why the school has taken the position that it has, and I also think that what your daughter has planned is equally understandable. It's great that she is handling her grief in a positive way! I think that not only does it honor the friend, but it honors the parents. I cannot imagine how rough it would be knowing that your daughter should be graduating, and yet instead she took her own life. What a horrible day ... on Christmas Eve! I think that your daughter will always remember with saddness what happened on Christmas Eve, but she will also know that she did what she felt was important to remember her friend. My heart and prayers go out to your daughter, her classmates and especially to this family.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 07
BTW.. she has ordered the pins and is awaiting their delivery. The principal of the school not only said yes but said he was so appreciative of the way she handled the request, made it a non-issue item and handled it with such maturity.
@GardenGerty (97947)
• United States
13 Mar 07
That is a hard loss for a school class, and while I understand the viewpoint of the school, I really see a great thing from your daughter. She is a treasure. Perhaps, if money is available, they could plant a tree at the church ground, perhaps an evergreen, to honor this sad young person's life.
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
14 Mar 07
That is such a great idea about planting a tree! I forgot to say that they showed the graduation ceremony on TV and they mentioned that she wasn't allowed to say a prayer. I'm glad everyone was able to see it, except I didn't get to... :(
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
13 Mar 07
What a wonderful idea. I'm sure you're very proud of your daughter as I know I would be. I don't understand the schools these days; my daughter upon graduation from high school a few years back, was Valedictorian and had wanted to open or close with a prayer; they wouldn't let her. But she got her two cents worth in anyway...At end of her speech she praised God for all his blessings, etc. I was so proud of her..!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (97947)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Schools are so afraid of lawsuits. Any student instigated, student led prayer is legal, and appropriate. Pat on the back for the praises.
1 person likes this
@xyla_v (314)
• India
13 Mar 07
really i can say i was out of my lot for some days and even though i was reading the discussions, i never had the intention in the past couple of days to respond to any discussion because of hectic schedules.But as soon as i read this one, it was really a touching one which induced me to respond immediately.....Yes you can be proud of your daughter for this moment and you deserve this certainly!!!!!Your daughter has certainly shown enormous compassion towards humanity.............
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
Thank you Xyla. She is indeed a good person and has proven how much she cares about others. Thanks.
@haqueen (236)
• United States
13 Mar 07
last honour is good but not as good as saving them gal from killin her self ...i mean ..pple shld look for reasons why the gal kil her self .....and if the all along knew her problem and never acted it all waste of time may be the parent didnt ebven lobve her and the just wont give her a chance in life may be they were like wat the hell is wrong with this friend of her coz they dont see it ..the gal killed self that is so foolish of her any it is good to give the last respect
• United States
13 Mar 07
Wow...that is so sad. I cant imagine how the parents must be feeling. And your daughter must be traumatized as well. I ,too am very proud of your DD for coming up with an idea that honors her friend. Her friend must have had her reasons. It is sad that she felt the need to do that, though. There are always answers to resolve things. My prayers.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
Nobody knows the real reason why she did it either. That's the hardest part for these kids. Her friends all sit there with guilt ridden minds thinking they could have saved her or they could have known if they had only looked. That's not always the case and when trained professionals sometimes can't even make enough difference it is foolish to think that the average person should be able to change things. It's so sad to see that's the path chosen but there is at least some closure to know that while her actions were not condoned, the loss is felt deeply throughout the class. Thanks.
@mummymo (23709)
13 Mar 07
This brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat - I am sure that you must be very proud of such a mature, caring and kind young woman your daughter is - well done on the job you did guiding her to adulthood. I am sure that this will mean a lot to her friends parents who must be overcome with grief!
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
Thank you so much. I had hoped that it would show others that not all the 'kids' out there are bad apples. We just tend to hear about those ones more.
@MakDomMom (1474)
• United States
13 Mar 07
That is so awesome that your daughter wants to remember her friend in that special way. I understand where the school is coming from - I know that it would just start an uproar throughout the school and community - that's just how people are. But what your daughter is doing is so simple and so heart-felt. Way to go to her!!!
1 person likes this
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Wow. That is very honorable of your daughter to do something very nice and special for her friend. You definitely should be a proud mother for what your daughter is doing to remember her lost friend. I know she must be very sad and hurt right now. If more people were like your daughter, the world would be a better place. I am so sorry that she lost a friend.
• United States
13 Mar 07
Thank you. The world truly has lost a great young lady of the future. She was studying medical in school and would have graduated with the ability to work as a certified medical assistant or carried on to pursue her studying and make a difference I'm sure.
@divir_vij (1593)
• India
13 Mar 07
very sweet post.. and what a lovely and intelligent girl... May god give peace to the demised soul..
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
Thank you. And thank you for praying for peace for her friend's soul. She obviously was a tortured soul indeed.
@askguru (96)
• India
13 Mar 07
I still remember when my close friend jumped into the pool and gave his life to save his friend.....he was only 14yrs of age. After a year has passed he was honoured for his bravery. And iam very proud to have a friend like him no matter he is not here with me but i know that he is watching me from heaven
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
What a wonderful hero. I'm sorry you had to experience the loss yourself but I guess we have to take the time to realize that there is a reason for things to happen. Sometimes we can't quite see or understand why though.
• United States
13 Mar 07
Mom, give yourself a pat on the back. You've obviously done a great job raising your children. Your daughter is wise beyond her years and has a good head on her shoulders. Please pass on to your daughter my condolences for her loss, and give each other a hug from me, OK? Blessings!
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
Thank you. I have to tell you, this was one time when being a mom really sucked. The pain I saw my daughter go through was unreal. But I'm so happy that she came out of it with at least an understanding of life's issues a little better and obviously how to handle something like that.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Hopefully, the school allows that. They should be able to honor her however they want to. I hope it goes over good. Your daughter has put alot of thought into it and hope she doesn't run into any walls.
1 person likes this
@tba123 (457)
• United States
13 Mar 07
What a very mature young adult. Suicde is very hard on family and friends. I can understand the school's fear I'm so glad they're letting this class honor their fallen friend. This is a touching subject. While I don't know you or your daughter I feel very grateful to know they're thoughtful young adults out there like this. God bless you all.
• United States
13 Mar 07
Thank you so very much. She is quite outstanding, yet to her.. it's just a given!
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
13 Mar 07
OMG that is beautiful, you should be very proud of your daughter, what a lovely thought and may I add you should be proud of yourself, your daughter is obviously following in her upbringing...very nice indeed...
• United States
13 Mar 07
thank you so much.... i do think God really helped me along indeed in creating 3 very special young adults :D
@raydene (9875)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Hello I can understand the school's point of view but you can not make it go away Your daughter showed alot of guts going against the school in a way.She must be mature.I think you have reason to be proud,she sounds exceptional. Give her a big hug from me a stranger online that thinks she is special.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
thank you so much she is a great kid... i am lucky indeed to have been blessed with 3 great kids like this