How to know if you are ready to have children

United States
March 13, 2007 10:09am CST
HaHa. A friend sent me this in an email. Boy could I identify with many of these. After reading it, tell me which ones you can most identify with! How To Know Whether or Not You Are Ready to Have Children Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.) Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside. Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
3 people like this
6 responses
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
13 Mar 07
And to think I did this 5 times. What a glutton for punishment I was. Where was this post when I was contemplating #1? Think of all the joy I would have missed!
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
Yeah, all the headaches are worth it! I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything!
@estherlou (5020)
• United States
13 Mar 07
This one gave me a chuckle for sure! I have always said that people have children when they are young and innocent and too ignorant to know better! LOL! If they wait until they know more about life, they might not have them! LOL! It's a good thing God puts that maternal instinct inside of us.
• United States
13 Mar 07
Yeah, and a good thing He helps us through it too! They say He won't put more on you than you can handle, there have sure been days that I wished He didn't think so highly of me! Ha!
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
13 Mar 07
One question. Do you have to do this each time you think about having a kid? This is good, thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
HaHa!! No, I suppose if you've thought it through once, then you are prepared! Although, having a child sure brings it all home. ...and may make you reconsider! ha!
• United States
16 Mar 07
LOL ha ha that is one the best parenting "guides" I have ever seen!! I can definitely relate, as I have a 7 year old son and a four year old daughter. My favorite bit was the grocery store one. Classic-good post!
1 person likes this
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
13 Mar 07
That is hilarious! And so very true! It´s funny how you think you know what it will be like to have kids and then reality hits and it is nothing like you expected. Just last night my husband and I were tidying the living room and he said "Did you ever think you would be spending your evenings picking up toy cars and little rubber balls?" Although we had both planned to have kids, we never realized what the day-to-day grind is like!
1 person likes this
@villageanne (8555)
• United States
13 Mar 07
LOL I love it and it is so true. I really love hte last one about having all the answers. When raising kids, you realize that you know nothing.lol