Take it to your grave!!

United States
March 14, 2007 3:13pm CST
i'vr been thinking of marriage lately. so i decided to come clean to my girlfriend before i popped the question. but it just so happened that out of the blue she asked, have you ever cheated on me?? and like a dummy. i came clean, knowing in my head, even if she asked she wasn't ready for the truth. so i told her it was in the first 6months of our relationship. she tried to end our relationship. we've been together 3 yrs! i didnt know if i was going to be with her 1 yr or for the rest of my life. i made a mistake. but the way it made me feel, i couldnt do it to her again. i couldnt look at her for about 3 days. but i dont think i'll ever tell her anything else i know she cant handle. even if she asks!. so what do you think????
10 people like this
29 responses
• United States
14 Mar 07
I think that you did the right thing in telling her that way if you do get married, you can go into it without that nasty secret. Try to know that even though it was a long time ago that you cheated and you know you won't do it again, there is no way of her knowing you won't for sure and it still really hurt her- just to let you know, she will never forget it, so just be prepared to have it thrown in your face every now and then.
• United States
15 Mar 07
yeah, i know i just hope its no more then every now and then.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Mar 07
It is a good thing that you told her. Never ever ever feel like it's better to lie about anything to someone you are in a relationship with. Whether you think she can "handle" it or not, she has the right to know and you have an obligation to tell her. However, for many women, cheating is an unforgivable offense. There is no excuse for cheating on anyone at anytime. "I didn't know if I was going to be with her for 1 yr or for the rest of my life"??? Who cares? That's the woman you were in a relationship with. It doesn't matter how long you're going to be with her, she deserves respect and fidelity. There is just no excuse. In short, you should always "come clean", but it's better just to not do anything that you need to "come clean" about.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Mar 07
Um, marriages don't pop out of thin air. You have to build the relationship *before* you get married. If you think you have no obligations to a woman that you are in a relationship with, then she has no obligation to marry such a disrespectful person. But you'd probably lie until after the wedding so she has no where to go. Nice going!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Mar 07
ok its obvious that this can go on forever because its from a male and female prospective.so knowing you need to have the last word. you can have it.
@disvachic (10121)
• United States
14 Mar 07
I think you did the right thing.She wanted to know and I believe in honesty is the best policy.If you didnt come clean you might have felt real bad and have to deal with that guilt 4ever.I think being that you came clean, then you actually care.I know she was probably hurt,but its now up to her to forgive you depending on where her heart is.Im glad you realized you made a mistake.Hopefully things will go well with your relationship.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Mar 07
thanks an i hope so to.
2 people like this
@missinghim (1339)
• United States
14 Mar 07
sometimes it's just best if you keep things like that to yourself. if it has no bearing on what's going on with your life together and would hurt the relationship, it's best to keep it to yourself. it just stirs up unnecessary drama. now if the girl was still in your life and you were still cheating with her, then that is another story. but if it was in the past, then keep it there.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Mar 07
nice answer
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 07
i think she has the right to choose what she wants but, in what twisted world law book does she have the right to know everything. not just talking about cheating anymore. its relationship not marriage.
• United States
15 Mar 07
You did the right thing, she had a right to know. Some things I do believe are better left unsaid, unless it will come back and bite you in the butt. For example, it wasn't until after my husband and I were married that I found out that he cheated early on in our relationship. I found out from one of the girl's friends!! I was heart broken and was very unsure of who I just married. We are past that now...and have a wonderful relationship. It is possible for her to forgive you, but it's her decision. There is little you can do or say to make her hurt any less. Just let her now that you are there for her and give her time.
@melody1011 (1664)
• India
15 Mar 07
Well.... i made the same mistake as you did and forever regret it as my bf and i lost nearly a year as trust was completely. I then realised that somethings are better left unsaid. This is one of them. I know now that if at all he ever asks me again abt what happened im jus gonna lie abt it cause that way he wont get hurt. Now if you think your relationship is worth saving, you got to make all the moves and show her that your past was your past and will never spill on to the future. Thats what i did and it worked after abt a year. So we're back on track and ready to get married soon. So since she could not handle what you told her better keep your mouth shut in the future
1 person likes this
@bindishah (2062)
• India
15 Mar 07
Relationships - Honest or Not?
Well you told her and she is still with you. So its obvious she loves you.Just dont do anything in the future that would hurt her. And whatever it is, be honest. Thats the way to go if you wat your relationship to be successful.
• Philippines
15 Mar 07
Sometimes, there's an exception to one's honesty especially if you know that it can shaken a relationship. If I were on your part, maybe I'll keep it to myself, besides, you know that even if you have cheated on her, that was way back your early relationships. Perhaps, you were not yet serious with your relationship at that time. If I were on the part of the girl, I deserve to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but still give our relationship a chance.
@paidreader (5151)
• United States
15 Mar 07
I think you did the right thing in telling her. It's always best to be honest in that situation, but especially if you were considering marriage.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Mar 07
The best advice I ever received was from my Uncle who told me earlier in life that 'Never tell a truth to a person who doesnt know how to handle the truth' I dont think one should tell some thing which will not have any bearing in the future. Life keep testing you and throw you in a situation which either you regreat or you are helpless in the given situation, so its better to keep those experiences in one self and move on life with the promise not to be sucker again in life. People do ask their partner to be honest and come clean as they are already convinced, what they will hear, will be what they believe to be happened. But if the confession is not, what they like to hear their reaction is negative and the bond of relationship get either shaken or broken. So no need to rock the boat when life is a beauty for you.
• United States
15 Mar 07
Keeping that kind of secret is pretty self-destructive, no matter what the circumstances are in a scenario such as you are describing. I think that from now on you would be wise not to get into dicey situations that require keeping things from your girlfriend.
• United States
16 Mar 07
it was hard to hold. i think thats why when she asked i just gave it up.
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
15 Mar 07
thats why no one can read your mind...somethings should just stay there. believe me this will be brought up repeatedly throughout the life of your relationship
• United States
15 Mar 07
lol i hope not.
• United States
15 Mar 07
Cheating is one of those things that I've never been able to really have a clear response on... I think that first, the cheating shouldn't have happening if you loved her enough. Period. That's how I feel. But you did come clean, and you should feel better about it. Now you don't need to tell her 3 years into your marriage on the Maury show that you'd cheated! Good luck, and uh, don't do it agian! :)
• United States
15 Mar 07
it wasnt love for me 6-8 months into the relationship
• United States
15 Mar 07
Oh yeah -- take it to your grave, or you'll end up in your grave!
• United States
15 Mar 07
everyone has to end up there one day.
@jep_toyo (1607)
• Philippines
15 Mar 07
What's she doesnt know wont hurt her. Just do your best never to cheat on her again. If you really love her you'll stay away from temptations.
• United States
15 Mar 07
yeah, im workin hard on it. thanks
@34momma (13895)
• United States
15 Mar 07
i think telling the truth may not always be easy, but it is not up to you to determine what she can or can not handle. honesty is never over rated. honesty is choices, and when some takes your choice away but not being honest is not cool. i think when you really love some one, i mean deep down in your soul love someone, you can forgive them of anything. also, if you remember to treat people the way you want them to treat you, things like this don't happen. we are human and we make mistakes, but being an adult is owning up to those mistakes. Best of luck
@mujtab20 (434)
• Nigeria
15 Mar 07
Well, as for me I'll advice you to ahead and tell her the truth, evrything. Let her understand that it's the better idea everybody was looking for.
• India
15 Mar 07
have a private space around you man.think of hiding things which might cause a disrupt in relationships.it is better to keep mum rather than being truthful.sometimes even truthfulness can be a problem.so take care.cheers!
• Canada
15 Mar 07
Any kind of good relationship is built on trust and honesty. You should have told her a long time ago that you cheated right after you did it. I hope for your sake she forgives you, but if she doesn't I don't blame her. You kept it from her for a long time and that's not good. How can she trust you again if she knows you keep things from her?
• United States
15 Mar 07
I too believe that some things are just better left unsaid. It has been said and done and there's nothing that can be done about it. Just as long as it will never happen again (as you've said it wouldn't), then no worries. Sort of like starting over and forgetting the past because you know you'll never do it again. At the same time, I have to admire you for telling the truth. That should tell her something as far as your love and honesty for her. You didn't lie. The fact you told her should definitely show her something positive.