Stay at home moms...do you ever get tired of doing everything for everyone?

United States
October 17, 2006 8:43am CST
I am just so tired. I spent at least 6 hours a day each day last week cleaning a different room of the house. You could not tell by looking at any of them today. My family doesn't help me at all. Well my husband thinks if he does half the dishes once a week then he has filled his "helping" quota. I do all the cooking, cleaning, dishes (we don't have a dishwasher), laundry (we also don't have a washer/dryer so I have to carry everything to the laundromat), bills, help kids with homework, homeschool the preschoolers, shopping, etc. My husband works 8 hours a day and that is it. The rest of the time he sits in the living room watching TV or playing video games. I'm just tired of it all. When I got married and had a family I didn't intend to be a glorified maid. Anyone else feel this way?
5 people like this
16 responses
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Oct 06
Although my children are grown, and I am no longer married, I felt the same way. I sometimes would tape signs all over that said "My name is NOT Cinderella...clean up after yourself!". This was after my children were old enough to help out, which I made a point of teaching them very young.
29 Oct 06
4monsters4me - your statement could have come from my own mouth!!! It's soooo true! I am so sick of the same routine day in day out - mainly cleaning, tidying, cooking, dishes etc etc. And as you say - the worst part of it is it literally needs to be done all over again the next day because noone can be bothered to keep it tidy and clean!
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Oct 06
As soon as my children were old enough, I began taking luxury baths to treat myself special!
1 person likes this
@good2Bme (103)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I feel your pain. I bring most of it on myself now that I think about it. I believe it's an illness. Most things are just easier to do them yourself and avoid the crap they give you when you ask them to do somethng. Set aside a weekend day for everyone to work togeather and get it all done at once. Make a list for everyone to do their share, and they can't play until it is done. I started this a few weeks ago and my teenagers will actually work if they think they will get something out of it!
2 people like this
@Tanya8 (1734)
• Canada
30 Oct 06
I hear you. My husband is under a lot of pressure at work and is working lots of extra hours, so I feel under pressure to do EVERYTHING without asking for help. He looks like he's just about to fall over when he gets home at the end of the day. I sometimes fall into the bad habit of cleaning up after the kids, because it's easier and faster than standing over them to make sure they clean up every mess they make. I try to make sure that I get them to be responsible for lots of their own mess, but it's absolutely exhausting having to be the nagging mom all the time.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
30 Oct 06
I agree its exhausting to nag all the time, as soon as my children were old enough to take a toy to play with, I taught them to put it back where it came from! I color coded boxes so it was easy for my child to know where to put toys.
• United States
26 Jan 07
I know exactly how you feel. I love being a stay at home mom but it is almost impossible to be a SAHM without feeling like what you do does not matter or is taken for granted. I stay home with my 4 children. My oldest is 5 and youngest are 2 year-old twin girls. I am homeschooling my two oldest children so with that and doing daily chores my day is busy and quite exhausting. I do all of the cooking and cleaning,shopping etc. My husband does not offer to help much. I know he works hard but I just don't understand how some husbands do not contribute to the chores at all!! I suppose that this is partially my fault because I have allowed this to happen. He has acknowledged my efforts and noticed when I needed help a few months ago and hired a lady to come once a week for a couple of hours to clean and fold laundry. It has been a relief. Surprisingly the kids have begun to take an interest in helping her clean. During the week I have made a point to stop picking up the the kids toys myself and have them pick up after themselves. I have been telling my kids that this is their house too and that they should take care of their toys and keep their rooms in order. When they get out of hand and do not clean up toys I will sometimes put some of their favorite toys up for a day or two.It seems to be working with my 5 year old. Now I need to work on my husband!!!
• Canada
26 Jan 07
My kids are a bit older now, but I have definietly been there. I think the real key is to put your foot down and stop doing some of the work...it may mean some dishes sit out overnight.... but you are human and you NEED some down time. Yes there is lots to be done - but there always, always will be - and you aren't helpign anyone getting burned out, know what I mean? So let some of it go unfinished and take some 'me' time to refresh your energy and restore yourself.
@xXmeganxX (4423)
26 Jan 07
i feel the exact same way as you do 4monsters4me, but my little one is only due to be 2 in the next coming months, it's a batle to get her to sit down, so with me being busy all day running around after her, i despise when visitors come in the evening like my partners friends because that's my time to relax and they come and there not very clean people, then there is a heap of dishes and i feel like telling them not to come sometimes, it's really annoying, i feel worn out and i can't do things for myself most times. with regards to the washing machine and dryer, im happy that i have them because id be lost without them, im not married yet and i don't intend to be at the minute because my boyfriend may expect me to slave after him, he doesn't at the moment tho but i do alot for him! :)
1 person likes this
@good2Bme (103)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I feel your pain. I bring most of it on myself now that I think about it. I believe it's an illness. Most things are just easier to do them yourself and avoid the crap they give you when you ask them to do somethng. Set aside a weekend day for everyone to work togeather and get it all done at once. Make a list for everyone to do their share, and they can't play until it is done. I started this a few weeks ago and my teenagers will actually work if they think they will get something out of it!
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
2 Jan 07
Yes I was just saying the exact same thing to myself. I use to work a full time job and still did everything. But I noticed now that I home it seems like I do soooo much more. I dont know why it is bothering me. When I figure it out I will let you know. hang in there we will make it.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
2 Jan 07
My children are now adults, but when they were old enough to help out, and didn't, I would be so frustrated and tired that I once taped papers on every room that said: "Clean up after yourself! My name is NOT Cinderella!" The most I got out of that one was weird looks.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Dec 06
YES!!! I get tired of doing it all during the week, and I give up around thursday! Then the house starts getting so messed up from the kids, that he gets tired of looking at it, and helps a lot on the weekend!!! But during the week, he comes home and sleeps, eats dinner, and goes to bed. So I am here with three kids all week, dragging them out to the store, trying to clean up after them all.... and get NO help. So, I have to volunteer him to help when he is here. He will be calling me to bring him something, the baby will be crying, and both my boys (3&5) will be asking for something, all at the same time!!!!! I go NUTS!!!! I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions, and everyone always wants something at the same time!
• United States
27 Dec 06
yes I do. I have to cook, clean, and do everything for everyone and it gets old quick!!!
1 person likes this
@starr4all (2865)
27 Dec 06
I'm with you! I'm getting so tired of it. I try to get my husband to do little things, maybe take out the trash, but he feels that he works at a job and my job is to take care of the house and the kids. He thinks he shouldn't have to help because he has his own job. It's so frustrating!
1 person likes this
@crystal8577 (1470)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Yep & I can get quite pissy about it with Joey. It does not bother me as much with the girls since there is a lot that they still can't do for themselves. My husband is grown though & should be able to do what he needs/wants done. Just because I do not work outside of the home does not mean I do not have other things that have to be done too.
1 person likes this
@tamm820 (464)
• United States
29 Oct 06
There are certainly times I feel that way! What bothers me the most, is I can spend all day cleaning, and then my husband can come through the door, shoes still on, drop things one by one throughout the house- keys on the counter, hat on the dresser, drink on the coffee table, etc. Totally oblivious to my 8 hours of cleaning. rrr. In 5 mins, it's gone. My son is completely home schooled, so that too definiately keeps me busy. There are days I just feel like, what's the point of all the work? But then I try to remember it could definiately be worse. I could have to work an 8 hour day, then come home and still have to do the same things. It usually makes me feel better. I just try to realize that this is my job, and my husband has his. I dont go to work with him, and help him, so I try not to ask for his.
@wvchell78 (564)
• United States
29 Oct 06
This is the same at my house. I do have to give my husband a little bit of credit thou he will help pick up at the end of the night every once in awhile. He works around 70 hours a week so I really don't ask for too much help from him. I hope things get better for you.