Spanking stepchildren what are the limits

United States
March 18, 2007 9:58am CST
I have to say that I very rarely spank my children but believe that every once in awhile it is needed. But what do you do when it is your stepchild and the real mom isn't teaching them to behave. I am very much against disrespectful children. I feel it should not be tolerated it and they should be punished. But it's different when it is your child. How do you handle your stepchildren when they are disrespectful to you or somebody else?
5 responses
@mdarma (868)
• Singapore
19 Mar 07
I agree that children should be respectful. They should be reprimanded if they step over the line. Now, for stepchildren, this issue should have be sorted out from the early beginning. If this was sorted out, then the this issue will not come in. I think that it is good to sit with your spouse now, over a cup of coffee/tea and talk it over. Good luck
• United States
19 Mar 07
Thanks me and my spouse to agree that we need to do something but it is hard when you have an x that tells then to act up because there is nothing that we can do about it. They are generally good kids just act out every once in awhile and getting to the age where they are testing there limits to see how far they can get.
• United States
18 Mar 07
Well I dont what state laws you have but here in my state you can be jailed for spanking your child or touching a child that does not belong to you like a step child. I hate this and do agree with you whole hartedly about punishing them. My stepdaughter is 21 one now and we have nothing to do with her. But however when she was with us her mother always said she would see me in jail if I touched her daughter so Whenever she defied me or needed to be punished I made her sit in a corner on her hands staring at the wall until she could explain to me what it was she did wrong and how she can work on the problem in addition to that I also took 1 hour away from her bedtime for everything she did wrong so if she needed to be punished 3 times that day she also went to bed 3 hours early. Even with all my efferts to teach her what she wasnt getting from her real mom things still dont change when they grow up. Please read my post on manipulating step child. Good luck to you hope it works out.
• United States
18 Mar 07
Thanks I will read that post. It is just hard because now if I say don't do that or go sit down I actually get told no and my blood boils. They aren't always like this just when their mom gets mad at us for some reason and tells them to act up. I am unsure of the laws but it drives me crazy.
@gapeach65 (805)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I feel for you, I have a step daughter and when she was little, there were quite a few times when I felt she needed discipline, for things I would have disciplined my own children for, however being the step parent, I didn't have the right or authority to do so. It's my opinion that her mother didn't teach her values. She has learned not to appreciate things, as she's never had to work for anything, even though she has always had to take care of her siblings, children from her mom and step-dad. I had a hard time with my husband not wanting to discipline her, because he didn't want to be the bad guy. He however never had a problem wanting to discipline my children. It was the root for a lot of arguments. I would tell him that if he wasn't going to say anything to his daughter about the way she was acting, he couldn't say anything to my children, especially when they see that she's doing the same things they were and she was getting away with it. He never saw that it was a double standard, his excuse was always that they lived with us and she didn't, I told him that was no reason to ignore everything she was doing that we thought was wrong. So I don't think that a step parent should spank the step children, it's up to the parents to handle that. I know it's hard to earn respect that way, but I don't think it's the step parents place, the parent needs to talk to the children about that too, the step parent should still be respected by the children.
@gapeach65 (805)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I feel for you, I have a step daughter and when she was little, there were quite a few times when I felt she needed discipline, for things I would have disciplined my own children for, however being the step parent, I didn't have the right or authority to do so. It's my opinion that her mother didn't teach her values. She has learned not to appreciate things, as she's never had to work for anything, even though she has always had to take care of her siblings, children from her mom and step-dad. I had a hard time with my husband not wanting to discipline her, because he didn't want to be the bad guy. He however never had a problem wanting to discipline my children. It was the root for a lot of arguments. I would tell him that if he wasn't going to say anything to his daughter about the way she was acting, he couldn't say anything to my children, especially when they see that she's doing the same things they were and she was getting away with it. He never saw that it was a double standard, his excuse was always that they lived with us and she didn't, I told him that was no reason to ignore everything she was doing that we thought was wrong. So I don't think that a step parent should spank the step children, it's up to the parents to handle that. I know it's hard to earn respect that way, but I don't think it's the step parents place, the parent needs to talk to the children about that too, the step parent should still be respected by the children.
@katyzzz (2902)
• Australia
19 Mar 07
That's a really tough situation you are in. I feel sorry for you, speak to the father.