My husband still keeps his ex-girlfriends letters & photos..Is it ok?

Philippines
March 20, 2007 9:16pm CST
My husband kept his ex-girlfriends photos and letters. At first I want to burn those letters and photos.However, I do not read them, its not because I am not interested, I am curious of course, its just because i dont want to feel any heartaches about his past. I once was a jealous girlfriend..(",). I asked him permission, i am not going to burn them..just throw them instead. However, he insisted not to, he told me that he loves me so much, but that was just a part of his past, it was like keeping a diary. He dont mind reading those letter anymore. Hearing those words from him i soon realized that he was right. I cannot take his past away from him, and I trusted him..TRUST played a big role on every relationship...
14 people like this
67 responses
@budsr03 (2355)
• Canada
21 Mar 07
Keeping things from the past? Maybe he likes to live in the past. I'm not trying to start anything here but i could never have that happen to me and i couldn't to that to my wife. I wonder how he would feel if this situation was turned around? I think he still has feelings for this ex girlfriend. My opinion. Take care Cherinai.
@shmeedia (1042)
• Canada
21 Mar 07
i am a very nostalgic person and i keep everything. i have alllllll the old letters exes have given me. i would never throw them out, even if they come from a jerk i now can't stand. i understand this could offend whomever i'm currently with, so i would not flaunt the lettes, but i wouldn't hide them either. if my partner would want to read them, that's ok, but they have to understand that those are pieces of my past. i am not interested in hooking up with those people in the letters. it's over. also, because they are pieces of my past, i would not want to part with them. if they make my partner uneasy, i would put them away in a box far away and years later, if i wanted to re-read some, i would not do it while my current partner is around, if i know this would make them upset. but if they EVER DARED to burn or throw out my keepsakes, i would be extremely angry with them. it is not for them to destroy. i understand they could be jalous, but really, it's not fair of them to want to get rid of those things. it would be different if i was constantly looking through my old letters, reminiscing, talking about my exes, etc. but once they are my exes, they are my exes ;) and like you said, if you trust the person, there is no need to feel jealous over silly letters! would you feel jealous over valentine's cards given to your mate when he was in grade school? they were probably meaningless romantically, but they are still memories of your partner's past. wouldn't it be silly to destroy cute cards from friends that were received at the age of 10? :) for me it is just as silly to want to destroy the letters of an adult relationship which has ended and will never restart.
• Philippines
21 Mar 07
thanks..you're right..exes are EXES...=)
2 people like this
@shmeedia (1042)
• Canada
22 Mar 07
yes! even though memories are memories too ;)
@gleznov (391)
• United States
21 Mar 07
When I first started dating my current wife, their were things in past relationships I still held dear. I wanted to keep some keepsakes - little gifts from past girlfriends that had meant something to me, etc. In the end though, after a few months I felt that I had everything I wanted in my wife, and all the past was nice for the fact that it got me where I was, but I didn't feel any desire to hold onto it anymore. That said, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. My wife even has a few gifts past boyfriends gave her, and although I feel a little jealousy at times over them, mostly I have learned to let it go. It's just not important. Some people cling to past things, some don't. It's not right or wrong either way, and really doesn't necessarily mean anything about the current relationship. I'd say if it's important to him, let him keep them. Life is a long, interesting journey, and lots of people love to keep track of all the things that have been important to them through their life.
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Mar 07
I agree with you 100%. Some people like to look back later in life, and see just where life has taken them.
• Philippines
21 Mar 07
yes, you cannot take away the past from one person, because without his past, he will not be as good to his present. Maybe he just take care of a memorabilia of the ones that become special to him. and i sure he keeps a lot of your memorabilia also. don't be jealous, he is now yours and your present, the important is you make him very happy so that he will not have to look for another.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Mar 07
thanks a lot (",) you're right there theres nothing to be jealous, and i also realized maybe the reason was those people made him a better person..
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Mar 07
I am currently going through this exact situation. I have been married for 2 years, and just after a recent move I found "old love" letters from my husband's ex. Out of curiousity I sat in my room, and read every single one of them... I thought that it was kinda of interesting to read his ex's view of how thier realtionship was (it was the furthest thing from perfect). You can never take the past away from him, but doesn't make you feel good that you have a wonderful man who loves you,and wants you? It sure makes me feel all warm and tingly inside...
@jlo228 (170)
• Philippines
21 Mar 07
that's not ok because if he loves you he will forget the past. Maybe he's still inlove with his ex-gf, sorry to say that. All you have to do is get them and hide it away from your husband. If he still looking for it that's a sign that your husband truly still inlove with his ex.
1 person likes this
@cjthedog64 (1554)
• United States
21 Mar 07
My DH isn't big on letters and that type of stuff. He has some that I wrote him, but he doesn't go back and look at them. LOL! The only things he has from the past are a yearbook with his first girlfriend's picture in it, and a box of stuff from his first marriage - articles, wedding album, prom pictures, etc. The only reason he kept that is so that he can give it to his kids when they're older. So they can see that there were some good times back then. If he'd given it to his ex, she would have cut him out of pictures or just thrown stuff away.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Mar 07
WOW thats so mature of you...really i dont think i wud have handled it so well!!...in fact i cud have burned them the moment i saw them. But i guess TRUST is something i need to learn!!...thanks for posting this
1 person likes this
@marmo1020 (469)
• United States
21 Mar 07
I don't think you shold worry about it. People always collect hings from their past. You are his present and future. They were his past.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Mar 07
I too keep my ex's pics and letters and stuff she gave me. Ofcourse my GF never fails to crop up a feud out of it at its slightest mention and we've had near breakoffs because of it. But i think i feel the need to keep my past. My Gf knows how much i love her and that i have nothing to do with my ex now. What harm would it do? I dont want to abolish my past to be in my present. Not everybody feels the same though. The way my GF reacts is probably out of possessivenes rather than envy or insecurity.
21 Mar 07
Its great that you trust your husband. I feel there is nothing wrong if your husband keeps his ex-girlfriends photos and letters. I would say that he is a true lover. Keeping his past aside if he loves you, he does it from his heart. So don't loose heart. Just watch his behaviour. If you find that he loves you truly, its good news for you.
1 person likes this
• Brazil
21 Mar 07
I keep every picture and every letter I´ve received from all of my boyfriends and from all of the people that are/have been an important part of my life. These are memories I cherish, they´re part of who I once have been, and part of what made me turn into who I am now. I don´t have feelings for these people anymore, but I´d never let the photos and letters be thrown away. Even if you boyfriend did that for you, the memories would still be there with him, no matter where the souvenirs had gone...
@rainbow (6763)
21 Mar 07
You don't need to worry about this at all, it's just a box of stuff, like left over toys from being a kid or old college papers. If your husband looks back sometimes that is ok but it is obviously you he wants to be with, they are just memories and some of us need to keep physical reminders of our past, not becaue we care but because we want to help ourselves remember differnt times of our lives.
1 person likes this
@ULTRASul (47)
• Romania
21 Mar 07
Well if you have loved someoane and then you broke up you can't just forget your past. Is best to keep you memories beacuase it will bring you a smile on your face..and FIRST LOVE WOULD NEVER BE FORGOTTEN !!
1 person likes this
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
21 Mar 07
My past was buried at the bottom of my head; but my husband's past (his ex girlfriends photos)have been well kept by me when the date he married me years ago. As he said I am a organised person, so he left it for me to keep them in a saft place. One thing he hasn't removed and still carries with him is a tattoo with a girl's name on his left arm. He said he was young and silly to do that. I have to accept the fact that the past has passed and it cannot be removed from the history.
1 person likes this
@lbbaby (489)
• China
21 Mar 07
I think it's ok . I suggest you should not worry about and remember not to force,because marriage needs privacy too.Let it be.If you are sure he loves you, you have nothing to fear.
1 person likes this
@harvie (130)
• United States
21 Mar 07
ITs not ok!!!!!
1 person likes this
• India
21 Mar 07
I really dont think there is a need to keep your ex girfriend of boyfriend's picture. Wat use is it to keep remembering them when you know everything is over between both of you. In this case since you trust him there should not be any problem. Else just talk to him and let him know that you are concerned and im sure he will understand.
@wolfvicy (49)
• India
21 Mar 07
hmm... wat u came to know is 100% rite... i cant understand how those things disturbed u to burn them off... any how we cannot say that ur husband cant keep hi ex-galfrnds photos and letters... wat ever he feel imporatant might be the best one for him.. on seeing from ur situation that may sems to be wrong.. but only one can knw his loved once and haed once.. no one else other than him cant feel such temptaions... so pls... wat u could have do is dont compell him to burn those of...
1 person likes this
@fariawala (119)
• Pakistan
21 Mar 07
notttt at alllllll...
1 person likes this