Keep Your Patience!

This is my second response. You can get away by going out the door and shutting it and then leaning on it and then breath. Or go into your bathroom and lock the door and breath. Whatever you do you must be consistent. With my kids I have let them see how bad I can be and told them during good times how it was going to be. Now when they are doing something I ask 'do you want the bad mommy?' that is often enough. Whatever you do, you must be consistent. Also adopt whispering or talking very low so that they have to hear you. Again consistency. Good luck with this my friend.

I think sometimes you have to scream. I dont like to scream at my kids but it does work in 2 ways......1 is makes the kids hear me and know im seriuos and 2 it releives some of my tension. Im never proud of myself when i reach this point but it also doesnt hurt anyone.

Well to be honest Sweet In this case there really does not seem to be an easier way apart from take all the Toys out of the room put them in the room and give them time out. Which I know will be hard with sweet 7 but you can give it a try. Sweet 3 will copy sweet 7 so you need to try and enforce this time out. I know what he does when he is angry with you and all I can suggest is that you make him have more time out. Do not give in to them. Love and Hugs to you

Beleive me I know how you feel. When we first moved interstate, my husband stayed at the old place for 8 months to finish the job he was working on. I had 3 kids (2 of which are not easy to handle at the best of times) and I didn't know a soul down here at all! I would lock myself in the laundry and ring my mum or SIL just to have adult conversation and to calm me down at times. I did learn that if you whisper, they tend to quiten down to hear what you have to say and then you can get your message accross. Doesn't work for too long but it is a bit of a life saver when you are afraid the neighbours have had enough of the kid noise.. I think changing tact works better than doing the same thing every time also because they know how you are going to react and it is old hat for them sometimes. I'm going to keep checking back on this discussion to see if there are any other great ideas coming in. Thanks for the discussion Rainbow...

I know not every screaming parent is emotionally abusive, but one of mine was, and the other was scared... so growing up, I NEVER yelled at anyone, because I didn't want to turn into that. I didn't just turn the other cheek either, because I didn't want to turn into that either. Try this: "When you behave that way I feel like I want to scream. Sometimes i lose control, and I do scream. I don't mean to do it and I don't like to do it. We all need to work together here...that means me too. We are a team!"

I grew up with spankings and beating so I decided not to hit my child in any way. In doing this I became a yeller. My daughter is now sixteen and is miss know it all and she pushes the right buttons and I start yelling. It is like they cant hear you until you turn up the volume so to speak. I have tried leaving the room but it doesn't work because the problem is still there when I come back. I have tried to put it off on her father and that did not work because he just lets her do what she wants. I wish you luck with this problem because I have not found a way to solve mine.

Hi rainbow :) First - always enforce your expectations even when they are only mildly disobedient. If you let the little things pass, it gets out of control so fast and its impossible to get under control it seems. My hubsand does that ... he doesn't want to 'nag' so he doesn't get on their case for little things ... then suddenly he blows up at them. It's confusing for them, because one minute dad is letting them do things mom doesnt, the next minute they are being shouted at. So he goes from being 'really good guy' to 'scarey guy' really fast. Better to be 'predictable guy who follows the rules' ... less confusing, easier on everyone in the end. (did that make sense?) Second - I do yell - probably once a day or so - because the boys aren't listening. I'm not proud of it, but I do take comfort in the fact that I never say belittling things or other abusive things in my anger. I say the same things I was alrady saying - only louder. I think that is much healthier than the parents who really lose it and start calling names and swearing. So, if you are not being abusive when you raise your voice, try not to beat yourself up too much. Third - I use the boys rooms a LOT. I am known to send them there just to get some quiet. I tell them the living room needs to be calm for a time, and they each need to go to their own rooms. They usually need to be seperated for a bit ... I say ten minutes of quiet, and any yelling back and forth between the rooms restarts the time. So, when they yell, I remind them they jsut restarted the quiet timer. When they come out, we area all calmer and quieter. When I am really lucky, one of them will get interested in something in their rooms and not want to come out even when the time goes hehe. I can totally relate to not having anyone to care for them - with one ADHD and the other Autistic, there simply ins't anyone among our family and firneds who can care for my boys. And, where some parents can hire a teenager for a decent fee, I can't leave these boys with someone young and inexperienced. So, for us to go out I need to pay a professional ... which is really pricy. So we don't go out. I'm hoping to get some government respite, but the application takes months to get approved. In the mean time, use their room as a tool ... use the tele as s tool ... use a bubble bath as a tool .... whatever you can to get some space. Oh oh ... just remembered - shaving cream .... its a great sensory toy, so excellent for kids with ASD or ADHD ... and any kid will love it. Give them a can, get them naked, and stand them in the empty tub and let them paint the walls. Then sensory stimulation calms them, and you will get some peace while they play. Then just run the shower to rinse off :) In fact, any sensory play will calm them ... sand box ... water play ... play dough ... sensory stimuli calms all kids. k so I rambled hehe. good luck.