Did you know you wanted to be married when you got married?

United States
March 23, 2007 12:15pm CST
Okay, so here is my dilemma. I a 30 and have never been married. There was one man I was engaged to. We planned the wedding and all that jazz but ended our relationship before we got married. I honestly never felt the need growing up to wanted to be married. My philosophy was I'll love who I love and no piece of paper is gonna tell me where my relationship stands with this person. Marriage is just a legal document. Well, yesterday I had an emotional blow up and I threw out the idea of marriage to my boyfriend of 5 years. The thing is I don't know if I really want to be married or if it is society telling me it's what I am supposed to do. Anyhow, my question is did you know marriage is what you wanted or did you get married for other reasons? Any thoughts?
2 people like this
3 responses
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
23 Mar 07
Yes, I knew that marriage is what I wanted because I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and I was ready for marriage. If you feel that you are ready and want to spend your life with him maybe you are ready if you don't feel anything about marriage maybe its not for you. I am very happy and soon we will have our 25th anniversary in August.
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13662)
• United States
27 Mar 08
When I was a young girl I had visions of the perfect husband, 2 children and a little house with the picket fence...that's what every other little girl I knew wanted to. I got married when I was 16 b/c I thought I knew everything and I wanted to get out of a bad situation at home. I did and got into a worse one. I learned I didn't know anything about life and that there are worse things to have to face. It was an abusive marriage that ended after 6 months that almost cost me my life. I swore I'd never marry again. I stayed married legally to keep me from weakening and marrying a second time. I felt that if it was really meant to be then I'd get a divorce. I had several relationships that lasted 5 years or more but could never bring myself to marry anyone. Then I met my Hubby. We were together for 6 years before we decided to marry and then it was just a formality for us. We already lived together as a married couple but weren't recognized as anything more than b/f and g/f which also meant that I wasn't recognized on his pension or anything to do with his VA. We've been married now going on 2 years and are still happy and together. Marriage is what you make it to be. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
• United States
23 Mar 07
I been married twice neither one worked out. I wanted to bolt before each one. Something just didn't sit well. It was right afterwards as well. I don't think I will ever do it again. Marriage is very hard work. Some people need that piece of paper telling them that their partner has a legal tie to them. It hasn't ever stopped anyone from leaving, and not being heard from again. As humans we don't want to be alone. For all my protestations, I would like to find someone special. I just don't think that I am marriage material. I feel confined and retrained. (and not in a good way;-)) OK now back to my experience. #1 Proposal-was post coital cuddling and I asked him in a silly baby voice. He said yes and we started to plan. I was horrible, We wound up from planning a large wedding to having a small wedding at the courthouse. The marriage was OK. He is a good man. He does not, nor did he, have a strong personality. Those that know me know that is an issue. I am hardheaded and can tend towards being a witch. #2 After a very up and down courtship. He proposed in front of a bunch of people at dinner. If I had any doubts, I couldn't say anything we were being put on the spot. We got married in Vegas. Now, thanks to your boyfriend, it is to be called the site of the unholy union. The marriage was very up and down as well. We legally could have had the marriage annulled. It was horrible and I was very changed. I put up with a huge amount of emotional and mental abuse. It never got to the physical, but it was always a threat. If I were to ever do it again. I would have to know in my gut that it was something I really wanted. To join my life with his in every way. To make that public and legal declaration of that union. I would also not have any doubts. Those doubts are the red flag to not do it. Well I will get off my soap box. I hope it gives you some more insight. Perhaps it will span some more insights from others.