How do you tell your spouse its over when they just want to fight

United States
March 24, 2007 3:54pm CST
How do you tell your spouse its over, your not happy, and that you are finished and leaving when they will not listen and they think they know everything, they yell and scream and start breaking everything you own and taking your keys and money and check card? My husband use to be fairly nice, lately his has been thinking everything is his way or else, I believe there is a thin line between love and hate and my love has turned to pure hatred for him. I want out and I want out now, but how do you take what is yours and leave? Do you tell them your leaving, do you wait till they leave and you know they will be gone for awhile or what, he is a lazy man, he does not work, never works, and never know when he is going somewhere or how long he will be gone. What do you do?
2 people like this
10 responses
@momathome (476)
• Canada
24 Mar 07
If it were me I would just pack and go!! Do you have kids might be harder to just go with kids!! But my advice is don't keep stalling just get out, sounds like your husband needs a reality check and if keep letting him get away with what he is doing to you then it will never stop but get worse!! Take whats most important to you everything else can be replaced!!
• United States
24 Mar 07
There is a lot you have to look at. If you have joint bank accts. If you have kids together,then there is child support. I won't go there you never mentioned any kids. I would start by getting a little of my things out. This does not have to be done rushing. If this man can pay the mortgage or rent on his own fine. You know your going to have problems with abandonment. If he is not able to cover this cost. Your bank cards can be changed to another address altogether. a.s.a.p. If need be change your mailing address and drivers license address. Go to your local police station just ask about the laws on this. If he is hitting you document it all with police reports. If your able to keep him from your job. If you can afford to relocate,I say start planning with these first. I sure hope someone comes soon to offer a helping hand.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Mar 07
Let me ask you this...if you tell someone to leave and they don't, then you call the police to have them removed and the police don't take a report or make him leave, what do you do then? Just wondering because I have been here and still am here, and now I have to think of other ways to make him leave or make myself leave. Mind you...we have a baby together, but I am not at all happy, and he pretends that everything is just dandy. What would you do in my situation? Just wondering...that is all.
• United States
25 Mar 07
I really don't know what to tell you, but I am in the same situation as you are. I would really like to be out of my relationship as well, but I am not sure how to go about it. I would really love to leave when he isn't here, but he has my car during the week, so I am stuck. Or, I could just leave when he is here. I have been thinking that the best way to do this is to get a storage container from one of the public storage places, and little by little put things in your storage place until you have everything you need that is of importance out. Then, once you have this, you can take what you really need with you. This way, you have the essentials on you and the other stuff is put away in a safe place when you will need it in the near future. Or, if you can't do it this way, just one day look at him and tell him that you are leaving and that you don't need anything from him. Also, you could just tell him the truth about your feelings, and if he doesn't get oh well that is his problem. I have tried this route, though, and it hasn't worked. So, I will probably have to go another route, such as staying in a shelter or something. Who knows? Well, good luck and keep me posted on what happens to you. And, hope some of this helps you out some.
• New Zealand
13 Jun 10
Hopefully this is a good idea, tell him you need the car to take bubs to the Dr or something, and you'll drop him off at work, unfortunately you wont be therte to pick him up GOOD LUCK
• India
25 Mar 07
just become Psycho and start.... and put the issues like money/fame difference between ur wife and u!!! Go ahead.
• Canada
25 Mar 07
Make sure you have your keys and your bank card on you. That's top priority and you can't leave without those. Put them in a pocket or something, then pack your things and go. It'll be harder for you because you have a child together, but don't keep stalling. He''ll try to pressure you into staying but if you truly want to leave, he can't make you stay. If he forcibly keeps you from leaving, then call the police because thats abuse. Maybe the threat of you leaving will wake him up somewhat. I don't know, because I don't know you guys. I do hope however that everything works out the way you want it to.
• Brazil
25 Mar 07
i wold say i stop beat in de aguento meis a much beatig tome voce and muioto strong i go flame police it to arrest you and voce goes to see oque goes to happen
• United States
25 Mar 07
no I dont want to spoil the relationship just because of fight.Our indian culture is light that.
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I have been with men who do not want to work or be a vital part of the relationship. They only wanted what they wanted and phooey with my needs. There is a line between love and hate and if your not comfortable in your relationship that line keeps getting thinner! This man seems to be very controlling that he is trying to take your keys and money. It seems he already knows it's over and he is trying to instill fear into you to not leave. This is an abusive relationship. If this is not a partnership of equals, which it seems its not, you work, you sacrifice and he benefits. In your case, your not losing much by leaving. Even if you had to leave every stick of furniture and start over, which I had to do twice, it is worth your freedom and peace of mind. Depending upon how volatile he is, if you consider him dangerous, it is best that you leave while he is not around and stay with a friend or loved one for a while, because I am sure he will start harassing you, because he's lost control over you. It is most likely that he won't leave. It will have to be you to take these steps. I am sorry that you are going through this. It stinks feeling like your back is against the wall. I wish you all of the best, keep us posted on this! I hope it all works out for you.
@Suze05 (481)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I've soooo been exactly where you are! OMG ..girl just get out. I have a special gift for finding loser men.. I'm an a**hole magnet..LOL ..so I know what its like. I just got rid of one after 8 years who got that way at the end too. I was lucky, and he finally got the hint and moved out, but since yours doesnt work he's not likely to leave you, or let you leave easily. But goooooo before he gets really violent and its impossible to get away. Do what everyone else suggested first, and move some things you know that he won't notice gone but you know you want to keep to someplace else. Find yourself someplace to go when you leave..I assume you work and have a way to get your own place or somewhere to stay. I once had to move out on a guy while he was at work..I took what I could and just left the rest. He wasn't violent or anything..I just didn't want to deal with the whole breakup thing..so I just left. If he's acting that way, I would never tell him you're leaving. He'll break more of your stuff and likely hurt you ..or he may realize he's losing you and change and be sweet for a while to convince you to stay..some will do that..but if he doesnt work and he treats you that way, why would ya want to stay..so you're better off to just wait until he's gonna be gone for a few hours and pack all that you can and just go, and be gone when he gets home. Its a lot safer that way and a lot less hassle. You can always go get a restraining order since he has threatened you and broken your things..and then if you end up having to leave stuff you want to keep and you really want your stuff, just bring a police escort with you to the house and go back and get the rest of your stuff. Nothing he can do about it then! or ..just say the heck with the stuff and buy new stuff.. then you don't have to deal with him at all. Good luck girl!
@kelly60 (4549)
• United States
24 Mar 07
After years together, my ex started getting acting more and more as you describe. Like you said, there is a thin line between love and hate, and for the last couple of years we were together I felt no love for him at all. His abuse was mostly verbal and emotional but in the end, he became violent. I ended up packing up my kids and going while he was gone, leaving most of our things behind. I wish now that I would have left him when I first thought of it. I would have saved myself a lot of misery. It's hard to say since I don't know your husband but he sounds a lot like my ex, so I am drawing on my past experiences. Since your husband is breaking your things, I would be afraid that he might also come after you if provoked, so I wouldn't advise you to confront him about this. What I would do if you have a place to put them, is to pack a few things at a time and over the course of a week or two, take them somewhere to where you can them later. A friend or relative's house would work great for this. Once you are sure you have what you need, you can easily slip out without worrying about whether or not he may get violent. Once you are safely out of harm's way, you can deal with any legal issues. Personal property is replaceable, your life and safety is worth much more.