March 25, 2007 10:40am CST
Five years ago my boyfriend dated a Canadian girl whom he was with when he was at university (we live in Scotland). They were together for a year and it was fairly casual. He hasn't seen her or spoken to her since. We have been together two years and decided to travel across Canada and when we visited Vancover bumped into his ex's sister who worked, and still worked in a airport there. He chatted to her for quite some time, told her where we were staying and told her to say hi to her sister. No long after checking into our hotel room the phone went and it was his ex. That night they arranged dinner (without asking me) and I had to sit there listening while they talked about the past and the things the did while they were at Uni. In all fairness my boyfriend tried to include me in the conversation but having never went to Uni felt cut out of the conversation and pretty much did nothing but toy with my food all evening. After two hours I excused myself and went to bed and he came up about twenty minutes after. Although I've done my best to put a brave face on it, I was hurt that I was neither able to be included into the conversation and the fact i wasn't even asked if I wanted to have a meal with her. In fact the holiday was ruined and when his parents flew out to spend the last two weeks with us, I made a excuse and flew home. Now she has taken to writing to my b/f via his parents house. SHe is now happily married and letters are general and full of news but he obviously enjoys getting them and the hurt is getting deeper and deeper. I feel awful brining it up with him as he will say I'm being jealous. Am I? Yesterday he asked me to marry him and I told him I'd think about it. Now I'm not sure what to do. Is his enthuisam for these letters from his ex anything to be worried about?
3 Apr 07
I don't think you are jealous, at all!! Your boyfriend did not aproach te situation properly. Let me tell you something that happened to me a month aho, when I was in Arizona. I'm dating an American. His daughter was involved in a car accident. Nautrally, this broght the family, including a couple of ex-wives, together. One ex, her step-mother, was travelling through the area, and wanted to stop by and see us. Because she could not get her truck up the hill, she asked to hitch aride in ours. He and I talked about it, and I told him I was OK with it. Were i not OK, he would have made other arrangements for her, like telling her to call a cab, or something. We got along GREAT!! We got along because HE INCLUDED ME in every decision. She knew who I was, I knew who she was, etc. and it worked great. That evening, the girl's mother called, and talked to us about her condition, etc. When he would talk to them, he'd include m in the conversations AND put me on speaker phone. Both ex-wives called to check up on her condition and to get news from us, and we were very upfront about who I am, etc. We'e all friends now!! Your boyfriend SHOULD NOT have gotten together without asking you first. You are involved, and you should have been asked if you wanted to join them. As for communications between my boyfriend and his exes, I know about them all, and I know why. There is nothing hidden, and I know that these communications all revolved around their daugher/step-daughter. We are open and we trust eachother, also the ladies know that I feel no ill will towards them, and I'm not going to judge them either. They really don't have a bad thing about me because there really isn't one!!! That's not to be conceited, that's just how it happened. This all worked out because he dind't just TRY to involve me, he REALLY involved me!!!!
3 Apr 07
Thanks for the reply. Well we had a good talk about it and he was very sorry indeed. I did threaten to leave him and now he communicates with his ex but does include me in his correspondence. I guess I had to be more open with him so he could appreciate how I felt.
26 Mar 07
Thanks for the advice, Valerfore. I guess it's just a case of our lifes were nice and sorted and then she starts to write to him and he gets excited and reads these letters out. I swear though I'll swing for her if I hear her name one more time! But do you ever hear someones name so many times your just sick of hearing it?!