Random Ramblings from someone who should be sleeping....

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It's late and I should be asleep. I can't seem to turn off my thoughts though. I also can't seem to put any of it together into complete discussions. So I'll just put it all in one. Feel free to comment on any or all of my thoughts or add some of your own. It could be very interesting to see what thoughts can be in one person's mind all at the same time. I'm wearing my bright pink Breast Cancer Awareness bandanna. The dampness is making my hair unruly. I got the bandanna at Wal-Mart for $0.50. My s/o's mom is a survivor...4 years now. I'm so glad she's around to watch our boys grow. I also have on my green t-shirt. It says "I'm grumpy because you're dopey" and has a picture of the two dwarfs from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I think it's funny and my 4 year old loves it. That book is one of his favorites. I just found out I'll be going to town tomorrow. We have to go to the bank and do a little shopping. It will be the first time I've seen s/o since Friday. I actually miss him despite the problems we've been having. My myspace song right now is James Taylor's "Fire and Rain". I've always liked that song and thought it was appropriate for me- Fire. I won't share how I got that name though but I will say it was partly because of my reddish hair and my temper. I think our service men and women are heroes but I want them to come home. They deserve better than to be in a war that was supposed to be over 4 years ago. My family has never understood me. I haven't talk to my sisters in a very long time. They don't like me. It's alright though, I'm not sure I like them much either. We were never close. My mom tends to be condescending and a little controlling. Mostly I think she is jealous. She may not understand me but she knows there is something special about me that she will never have. Knowing this makes it hard for me to stay angry with her. I am my father's child. He knows. I know. We don't have to speak to share our feelings. I quit having regrets when I realized it didn't help to hold on to the "should haves". I know things could be very different for me right now but they aren't. They are how they are and I'm sure there is a good reason for that. I also decided to forgive everybody that had ever hurt me. Forgiveness was the only way to heal. My favorite color is blue. It always has been...except for that short time in Jr. High when I changed it to purple because the boy I liked also liked purple. I married my childhood sweetheart when we were 18. We divorced 3 1/2 years later. I still miss him sometimes but not really. I miss who he was 10 years ago. I don't even know who he is now even though we talk to each other quite often. I have to tell myself a story in my head to fall asleep. Otherwise I tend to have nightmares. I started doing this as a child and it still holds true today. I have a genius level IQ yet I still haven't figured out what I'm good at. I have a good memory for numbers though especially phone numbers. My next goal is to see if I'm musical at all. I'm thinking a guitar might be nice to play. I'm also slightly dyslexic. It was never officially diagnosed though because I somehow taught myself to compensate so no one ever saw my mistakes. I didn't know what it was until after I was done with school, I'd always thought it was just strange quirk I had with letters. I used to wonder why they called it school bus yellow when they all looked orange to me. And what does a mirror look like if there's nothing in it to reflect? All my children's names and/or shortened names end with the letter y. Why? (haha) I have no idea, it just happened that way. I also unintentionally gave them each one of my initials in a repeating pattern. I'm very much into finding patterns in everything. I even figured out one night the pattern of the screen saver of my DVD player...14 hits that rotate to the left slightly and repeat 9 times before starting the cycle over again. I had to watch it for an hour to figure that out. And finally, because I actually feel a little sleepy now, I still wish on stars, birthday candles, eyelashes, wishbones and rainbows.