i am a surport person for someone, it is so challenging,

New Zealand
April 2, 2007 7:50am CST
i have been with my partner for two and a half years and two years of that i have been his support person, everyone else turned there backs, when he was not on meds or not taking them properly i found it so hard, the voices he heard, the things he did, the people he beat up, the stress of coping with it has really brought me down, he is now on home detention at my place which makes me feel like i have the sentence.....the person he was when i first met him has gone forever, luckly he no longer hear the voices due to his medication, but he is still far from being well, i dont want to turn my back on him as well because he will be left with noone, having my sister kill herself due to depression makes me want to stay. my love for him has gone but a friend i still am......i know only i can make the choice with what path i go down, i just dont want to hurt his feelings or have his life or death in my hands...i feel lost and lonely, whats right for me would be to say goodbye to him, i know life to too short, am i giving mine up and my childrens by staying by his side? i need help/advice by someone in the know or by someone who is going through similar things as me.
2 people like this
3 responses
• United States
16 May 07
You're a good person for helping him. I believe that people come and go in our lives for a reason, because we need someone, or to learn a lesson etc. I think that you owe it to yourself and your kids to get out before it's too late. And I say this not as being someone else's support person, but as a person with the problem. I've been having problems with mental illness for several years. From my experience, this could be a scary thing because it is an unhealthy relationship, and he's attached himself to you. And probably only you. If he starts to fear that you are going to leave or abandon him, he might resort to desperate measures. I would hate to see you and your kids be caught in the crossfire. He could become angry, violent.. and would most likely take it out on you or himself. Has he done anything like that in the past? Have you talked with him about how stressful it can be for you and your kids? Or would that not be a good idea? I wish you and your family the best of luck.
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@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
11 Apr 07
I see that you are in New Zealand. In America there are places called board and cares where people with mental illness can stay. I don't know if there are such places in New Zealand or not, but regardless, you have to work on getting your life back. You are not responsible for this man. It is okay to help a friend, but if you do not take care of yourself, you will not be around for him, your children, or anyone else. You need some time off and away from the situation so that you can come up with more solutions. I am not saying to totally abandon him, maybe there is a place like I mentioned before where he could live. Maybe a convalesant home or something. That way you can go to see him when you have the time and not be burdened by having him around you constantly and feeling like you are in a prison.
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2 Apr 07
This man sounds like he needs professional help and it is not fair on you to have to burden all his problems, especially when there are children involved. You sound as if you have supported him and given alot of yourself to his needs, but without seeking proper help, you may always be in this situation. If he is on home detention then he still isn't dealing with his problem to better himself. He may be relying on you to look after him without him making the decision to change. If you do not love him anymore, then you should not feel obligated to be with him forever, you have the right to a life as well and a chance to meet someone who will take care of you too. I wish you luck in your decision.
2 people like this