Familyis expectations and my happiness.

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As many of you will probably know reading from my past posts.I am having major issues with my family as a result of having a past relationship.I am an Indian and its not the norm. I have had to sacrifice many of my dreams and hopes to make my parents happy and it seems its not enough.I am planning on leaving in May after my exams are over with the help of authorities. I cant help but feel selfish for wanting to live my own life.I have my mum pressuring me into keeping the family name high and not to let them down.Is wanting to live my life my way doing that? I havn't had a normal teenage life- not allowed to hang out with friends, have to beg to do stupid stuffs like to go to cinema, I even have to ask permission to get my hair cut.I have done everything they wanted mainly under protest. For those who went against your families, did you feel a sense of guilt? I am feeling guilt but now I need to do tjis or I will end up in a worse state than I am in already.