Gossipping Neighbors
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
Philippines
April 7, 2007 10:45am CST
I have a neighbor who picks on anyone who is doing good. Not necessarily financially but, rather whenever shee sees somebody or a family is achieving well in life.
For a time, she has become a nuisance in my life, too. She picked on me and the children. I had to deal with my farmwork and the two kids had to deal with their studies, when rumors started spreading about how miserable we are.
But it's true. I was miserable, coping with the financial demands at the time. Two kids in college and a very sick child at home is no joke as they had only me to rely upon for financial support. My hands are full. I had to find ways to have extra income from other sources.
The gossip expanded. This time talks spread about why my husband has left me for another and that my eldest child is most probably pregnant because she can no longer be seen at home. Never mind my husband. My concern is for the kids. It was at the time when I decided to place my daughter under the total care of the nuns, the Religious of the Virgin Mary (RVM), who runs the school she was attending. This neighbor also started insinuating that all my efforts to see the family through is for nothing as my son is into doing drugs. But my son is attending college and he comes home everyday. He is the one who looks after the sick brother while I am away.
I started to exert some effort to be a good friend to her. I will invite her at home when I don't do much work on Sundays. When we were comfortable enough with each other, I took my moment of confrontation while we were happily discussing about our fights with life. I told her that she is such a good friend, I cannot understand why neighbors close to me are saying that she is spreading bad news about my husband and my kids. Then I went on telling her about everything I know about the gossips. I told her I will not sacrifice our friendship by getting into a quarrel, she is such too good a friend to lose. From then on, I had never heard of more gossips running around which she has started.
How about you? How do you deal with these gossipping neighbors around?
2 people like this
11 responses
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
7 Apr 07
Gossip is a terrible sickness and I am sorry to hear that you are currently a victim. :/
In Singapore, at most places at least, neighbors don't talk. We are just not friendly in a neighborly sense.. so we don't have such gossips among neighbors.
For your case, I admire your effort to try to win her over. But if it helps, I would suggest you flare up and really cut her down to size. Lecture her on her shortcomings such that she will hopefully feel ashamed of herself.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
7 Apr 07
These gossippers abound in our place. I just tried to strategize with her because it is difficult to be having enemies around. During those times, only my two sons were usually left at home. I surely need my neighbors' help whenever emergencies will arise. Friendly neighbors will usually drop by to see how my sons are doing, especially the sick one. Yes, friendly neighbors are valuable while the bad ones can destroy us. It is good that you don't deal with something like this in your country.
1 person likes this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
7 Apr 07
Ok, fair enough.. sad and unfortunate that you have to deal with such people.. :/
1 person likes this
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
Yeah, if only there is a way to erase their kind from the face of the earth, I would have done it long ago.
@tombiz (2036)
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
Dealing with these types of neighbors is really difficult. For one, we would want to maintain our friendship with them but on the other hand, we don't want anything to do with what they are doing because we believe it is never right. The first thing to do is never ever make comments about the subject of their gossip -- it will send a message that you are never interested of the gossip mills around. Second, start a better topics to discuss other than the gossip. Third, limit your contact with them without breaking the bond of friendship already established. Fourth, just be silent for days.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
All the points you have brought up here are sensible ones. Staying out of the paths of gossip mongers will have to be done by busy ones, really. They can spend hours or even a whole day doing just that. The truth is, I have been wondering why they can afford to do that. In my case, I can never finish all my work scheduled for the day.
@desertdarlene (8910)
• United States
15 Apr 07
I generally ignore it when people gossip around where I lived. I have lived here longer than most people. There used to be an apartment manager here who would not only just gossip, but slander me. She told people that she saw me commit crimes and do all kinds of things. I often heard her say that the police were always looking for me and that's why their helicopter was flying around the building. I also heard her tell people when I paid my rent. The management company transferred her to another place. I think I know why, but can't really go into it because it is complicated. I couldn't move out because I didn't make enough to pay rent and it's hard to move to another place if you can't qualify.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
It is true that most of us find ourselves stuck to where we live for many reasons. We do the adjusting as to the people around us. We cannot do anything about the neighbors who come and go. It is good that that woman got transferred to where she can no longer harm you.
@moumitamazumder (817)
• India
8 Apr 07
I also have some neighbours, who goes on gossiping around all the time. They can't keep a secret, and not even their own secrets. If I see them around, I know before they speak, that this is again the story of someone in the neighbourhood, who has been caught cheating or doing some wrong. There are many instances, when I find them having furious quarrels with someone in the neighbourhood.
1 person likes this
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
That is true. We always avoid them whenever we can, to keep out of the troubles that they are causing.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
Thank you, ElicBxn for the kind words. I had to be civil about it. The truth after all the trials I've been through, I can cope with almost anything now.
@ryanphil01 (4182)
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
that was a honest to goodness action to reprimand someone who does unpleasant things to you like gossiping. i also lived in a neighborhood where gossiping has been a part of them. i totally ignore the things that i heard and just kept my mouth shut.it's the best way a man can do in avoiding gossips.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
It is true that it is always best to stay out of the path of these gossip mongers. They have nothing good to offer anyway.
@romel_ece (1290)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
I think gossiping neighbors are always there looking for some one they will gossips with.The problem is that when we didn't know that we're being picked by them.I think is better that we don't even hear a single gossip from them than to hear this all over our community.
2 people like this
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
There are gossips which we can easily take with a shrug, there are some which enrage us, there are some which are best unheard of and there are ones which are much too destructive. I know that If the gossip is falling under the last category, I can earn much money by filing a case in court after having secured two witnesses. But enmity will ensue and I don't like toying with it in my mind. I just do not understand why these people have so much time to spare for these bad activities when we always have our hands full with things to do. Thanks, romel, for your thought and sharing your experience with this in your community.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
7 Apr 07
most people who start gossips are the ones who are envious and can't do anything in life. and your friend is like that... before.
atleast now, after you had been really honest to her, you are now having a better relationship with her... gossip free.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
7 Apr 07
We have to learn to adjust with them because, we can never choose our neighbors. Even if we have a hand at it, not everyone in any household have the same habits and talents. We have to learn how to deal with them accordingly.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
Thank you, sailor. I was happy with the outcome. She stopped spreading bad stories about what's going on with us from that time on.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
While it is true that it was a painstaking effort, I just had to find a way to settle this problem on a friendlier plane. Would you believe that my friends already wanted to do the fighting for me? It bothered me so much, I don't want it becoming a larger problem. Then the idea just cropped up in my mind one day. I am happy I pulled it through. I thought of sharing this with friends around here, I was thinking it may be of help to some.
@gsgonzalez2007 (1004)
• Philippines
7 Apr 07
Gossiping is a very negative attitude. And I always avoid negatives. In my case, If I learned that a neighbor is spreading wrong informations to others, I will ignore it considering that I know its not true. And if it is true, so what? This is my life not hers. The question there is what advantage will she be getting in gossiping. I never bothered anyone with my problem because I tried to solve it on my own. You are still a nice person because you confronted her, you befriended her. You used on her the so-called reversed psychology. Me? I will never waste my time for her. Cause she's not worth to be your friend. If many people knew who you are, then people for sure will give the negative points to the gossipper.
1 person likes this
@jyksnow (45)
• China
8 Apr 07
I hate the gossip people.They can do nothing but destroyed people's relationship.They seems nothing they need to do but spread the rumors.I admired you handle way with your gossip neighbors.But I can't do it like you.Gossiping people can not chang their instinct.Maybe finally you will find that rumor spread again.
Walk in our ways,don't mind people's speaking. You can lived relaxed.
1 person likes this
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
Gossips had done me bad many times already. I just keep quiet and keep my cool. This time I had to do something. She was touching on my kids. My kids were hurt badly and complained of it to me. This was the best strategy that came to my mind to solve the problem then.
