Childhood abuse reason to commit crime??

@Erilyn (3020)
United States
April 10, 2007 5:22pm CST
I just got off the phone with my best friend. She was telling me that in her area there is a guy who is being convicted of child abuse. His defense is that he was abused as a child so he didn't know any better. A few years ago I got into a HUGE arguement with an ex boyfriends family over something like this happening. My ex boyfriends sister had 3 kids one was a year and a half old. Her husband was watching the kids one day, she came home and the baby was bleeding from her genital area. She of course took the baby to the hospital and it was found that he sexually abused the baby. His defense was that he was sexually abused as a child. What shocked me most about it is that her and her entire family stood behind him. I told them that I didn't believe the excuse that was given, and said that it doesn't matter what happened to him as a child he is an adult and can make his own choices on how he behaves. I was then told you don't know what he went through so you don't know if he can make that choice. I admitted that no I don't know what he went through, but as a survivor of abuse, I can say that as an adult you make your own choices in how you behave. I don't treat people with disdain and I would NEVER abuse someone the way I was abused. I explained that it is a decision you make on how you are going to live your life. Now granted I am not saying that people that do violence against their abusers don't have a reason to. I don't believe however that using the pysche defense that you had been abused should be allowed to be used when you turn into an abuser. Am I the only one that thinks that way? Am I the only one that thinks the psyche defense has gone too far?
3 people like this
9 responses
• India
11 Apr 07
as i know that the child abusing is a big crime and a lots of people is doing the same thing .. as in my area when i saw a child who is working in a hotel he work for whole day .. when i talk with the hotel manager then he replied that i only help the child as he had no one in this world but i say that u can also help him in another mannur the way u help him is a crime ..not the help.. then he recognise his fault..
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I think I understand what you are saying. And while a child being forced to work is indeed a crime, it doesn't really pertain to the discussion at hand. What I had brought up was people who were sexually abused as a child turning around and using that for an excuse to do the same to other children.
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
11 Apr 07
No you are not the only one who thinks this way. I too was a victim of abuse from both my parents and others and I do everything in my power to try and make sure I don't continue the cycle of abuse. I help raise my neice and yes I will admit there have been times I've said things my parents said that I swore I'd never say to a child. It's slipped out type thing in the heat of the moment. I also know there are times when I have to walk away because of my temper. I make that choice and I walk away instead of lashing out. We each make our own choices no matter what was done to us growing up. There is no reason they cannot do the same. I think the woman you talked about should have her head examined. I could never stand behind anyone who harmed my child. I'd have to be restrained from killing them for doing it. I cannot imagine supporting someone who would do that to a child.
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I have caught myself saying stuff to my oldest daughter I know I shouldn't say when I get angry. I have learned to walk away from her, she has her moments when she likes to push those buttons though lol. Not only does she need her head examined, but her entire family does. They all were standing behind him on it.
• United States
11 Apr 07
You are not the only one to think like that. I have never believed in that as an excuse.We all are responsible for the choices we make.I don't know what i hate worse,criminals who try to use being abused as an excuse or the idiot bleeding hearts who think it's alright to use that as an excuse.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
11 Apr 07
You have a good point there, I was expecting some backlash for this topic. There are a lot of people out there that believe it is an honest defense. I don't understand how or why and I doubt I ever will.
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
11 Apr 07
It is NOT an excuse. I do belive that beeing abused leaves scars on you, but you should definately know better and if u have been abused you know how much that hurts you menally and you would think that a person would never do that to someone else!!!
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
11 Apr 07
You would think that, unfotunatly thats not always the case. I think people should stop making excuses and start taking responsibility for their actions. You can justify anything, why not just stand up and say you know I did do that and I have noone to blame but myself.
@jsae29 (1122)
• Philippines
11 Apr 07
i believe that abusers who have been abused as a child should be punished accordingly. His being abused should not be an excuse for his wrongdoings. It is like saying that someone poked my eye...so I now have the right to poke somebody else's eye.
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Exactly! And if you were to poke someone in the eye you would be arrested for it and a judge would look at you and say there is no excuse for it. Why is it different for these criminals that use well I was abused?
@shoelover (896)
• Australia
10 Apr 07
I certainly don't think it's a reason to commit crime. I do know it makes you feel so bad inside that you want to hurt those closest to you and do things which you would not normally have done. As one person above me said our courts and jails are filled with people who had been abused as children. Whether that was mentally, verbally or physically they are all in there. The system does not give many people the help they really need. Psychiatrists cost a fortune and the waiting lists to see the free ones is atrocious. You can stop the cycle of abuse if you really wanted to. Why would you want your own child to put up with what you yourself had to put up with is beyond me.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
10 Apr 07
Yes that is true, one of the biggest problems is that even the ones that do "get help" commit the same crime again and again. And each time the same defense is used. Where is the line drawn? These people are 99% of the time repeat offenders. We pay for their "rehabilitaion" for them to turn around and do it again.
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
10 Apr 07
That is such a load of crap! The woman who stood by him should have her kids taken from her for child neglect/abuse. She is allowing her children to be around her husband even though she knows he has already attacked. This wasn't a man reaching out for help - he was caught red handed. People are just sick. I was abused as a child and I can tell you that I would never hurt another person in that way. If someone is claiming they didn't know what they were doing or can't control it - then they need locked up in a ward somewhere where they can't hurt anyone.
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
10 Apr 07
I feel the same way. I think they should all be castrated. but I don't think putting them into a cushy psyche ward is the answer. I think they should ahve to spend time with the worst criminals.
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
11 Apr 07
to me thats no exuce. lock him up and through away the key
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 07
It messes up the psyche...it's not an excuse, but certainly the reason. It opens up things in a child. And if a kid can't learn the normals of treating a person with kindness then a pattern begins. I think I have a lot of compassion for the abuser and the abused. Still the abuser should be punished. The abused should get help.
1 person likes this