I NEED HELP!!!!!! plz listen to me

India
April 13, 2007 3:10am CST
I thought a dozen times coz i wasnt sure if i should post this here or not. I wasnt sure if i should make it public. This is a fact which is difficult for me to digest but there is no reason not to believe it. My dad has a habit of straying and he could never become a good husband. My mom had been under depression many times since i hv grown up. Right now, the problem is my dad is having an affair with his colleage who is 10 years older than me. She is married and has a son too. Her husband is always out because of his work. Also, there is this new girl who is our new neighbour, who is quite pretty and i can see my dad taking interest in her. Again, this girl is only 5 yrs older than me. I hate to talk to my father. I used to love him when i was a kid but he doesnt hold the same place in my heart. I feel like i m the most unluckiest daughter in the world. Before i came to know all this, i used to fantacise about the idea of getting married. But now, since i hv seen many broken marriages in my family, I feel that i should never get married. I need someone to talk to. I cant talk about my feelings with my mom since she has already having some health problems. I feel like i should run away..but i dont want to leave my mom in such a mess..What should i do?
11 people like this
21 responses
• India
13 Apr 07
well..ur situation is quite similar to mine..my dad had an extra-marital affair when i was 4 yrs old and he left us for the other woman.. since then it was always me and my mother.. seeing the pain my mom had had to go through makes me a person who gives a lot of importance to commitment in relationships because i knew how one felt when u r betrayed..however in my life my first 2 relations with girls ended the same way..i got jilted twice by girls and there was a time when i had lost faith completely in relationships... but over the past 2 yrs things have gotten better..not that i have my faith restored completely..no..but i am optimistic again that i might find someone who values relations as much as i do..so i still single for the last 2 yrs but am again hopeful towards a new relationship that might come along..so it's quite a similar situation to yours.. One advice i would want to give you..don't even think of leaving your mother and going away..becoz for all you know..u might be the only reason why she is living..rest if u wanna talk or discuss anything anytime please feel free to do so..
• India
13 Apr 07
You are right. She always keeps saying that its because of me she is living and staying with this man (my dad) otherwise she would have done something really terrible to herself.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
13 Apr 07
don't run away, that won't make anything better. and don't look down on marriage just because your father can't be faithful. yes people cheat in marriage but it is possible to have a marriage where that doesn't occur. you should try to give your mom the strength to leave your dad. no one wants their parents to split up but what your dad is doing is destroying your mom from inside out. i hope the best for both you and your mother.
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
First of all, don't run away because now is the time when your mother needs you the most. Talk to your dad. Let him know that you know, let him know how you feel about it. If my Dad did this I would lose my respect and tell my Mom to leave him. But knowing my Mom I won't have to tell her to do it. She'll surely send my Dad out of the house.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Apr 07
Thanks for your advice. But the problem is my dad is runnignt he major expenses in my family and because of this we are very much dependent on him financially!!
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
13 Apr 07
Dear angel eyes, first of all you got to take care of yourself. because if you won't help yourself first, you could not help in a meaningful way to their people, even if those people are dear to you, and in this case. it is your mother. The best thing that you can do now, is not run away, but seek for help. You are only eighteen years old, and running away won't solve a thing, where would you run away to? it won't solve your problem and you probably would go back to your hose, sooner that you thought. You should seek someone to talk to, maybe a psycho analyst, maybe a support group, or maybe someone that is a part of your life and you trust, but is not a part of your family. Things can be better for you , if you will do that. You probably realize that not everyone is like your father, and not all couples break up. you will realize that you can find someone that will love you, and start a family with him. not all men act like your father does. and your father is a grown men. you can go and tell him, to keep all of his fooling around far from the place he is living in, and that you and your mother can not stand it any more,. tell him that he is a grown men, and entitled to do whatever he wants, but ask him to consider you and your mother and not do this, in front of your faces. Only after you seek help for your self, you will be able to help your mother, i do not know if it will be by talking to her, on what would make her feel better, or by taking her to the doctor that will give her some medication that will help her solve the problem, and decide of the next step. This is the only thing you can do. and it is a lot. i hope things will be better for you. be strong and do not give up.
• India
13 Apr 07
by reading this i know you are faceing tough time .but think you father is suffering for type of psychatric problem . i think you should help your mother out first . after she recovers then you can plan move away and start your new life i think .by all this i dont think you should spoli you life . and you should all ways help your mother out also
1 person likes this
@aciddrop (798)
13 Apr 07
i am sorry to hear about this.but believe me,you're not the unluckiest as you think.there are tons of similar family problems like urs in the world.some of my friends have,and so did i several years ago!my suggestion is,spend time with ur mom,let her know she still has a son who loves her more than anyone else.and comfort her,encourage her to stand up again.second,you need to talk to ur father anyway,ask him if he still loves ur mom and wants to keep the family.tell him to quit being like this if he still cares about you.
1 person likes this
@sutan74 (1113)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Since you and your mom are financially independent to your dad. Don't mind him for the time being, help your mom from her depression. I know it's hard for you tolerating what your father does. But you also have a life and your mom needs you. Don't rush yourself into marrying because you might regret it later. As for running away, it would do more harm to your mother. Just stick around a little while longer until you and your mom are more independent to be on your own.
@rb200406 (1825)
• India
13 Apr 07
What i think is you should not concentrate on your dad. as a father his act is very irresonsible .even if you will talk with him he is not going to understand.As is the case your mother should be the most important person to you.Take care of her as you are the only person for whom she has suffered so much pain.don' run away from the scene.& remember to be always positive in your life.God always tests us & will always give us good times.As you are the person who value realtionship so much, you will surely get a person according to your choice .I assure you happy days are going to come in your life soon.Remember to be always positive.
1 person likes this
@mypeace (394)
• Nigeria
13 Apr 07
I would advise you to ignore your dad. Focus your attention on your mum and be as lovely as you can to her. Never have it mind that you wont get married, all men are not the same, there are 1001 good ones out there, only pray God will direct you to your soul-mate. Again, dont run away from home, your mum needs you more than anything now!!
1 person likes this
@suzzs02 (631)
• United States
13 Apr 07
first of all how old are you??? i know it must be hard to be in a situation like that, not knowing what to do, i think it was a good ideal to post onhere as i myself have posted some things i wondered if i should and have gotten lots of support.. and felt better.. but in my opinion u will need to talk to your dad to resolve these feelings and be honest and open with him , and let him know that u care greatly aobut your mothers health and u dont want to see her hurt so he wont tell her u talked, first get that out of the way and see what happens and then in time u will have to talk to your mother if ur dad decideds he no longer wants to be part of your family by betraying her,you know its not right and so does he but he will do it as long as he is allowed and by not saying nothing it is like your ok with it... you need to be strong for your mopther and take good care of her andbe there for her through what ever happens and help her ake it to better days ahead.. god bless and take care
• India
14 Apr 07
I am 18. I had tried talking to my dad about this, when the situation was worst and that too in the middle of my exams and trust me, it spoiled my exams. It is not of any use talking to him. He always says that we dont have any proff of his sleeping around. Once he even tried to hit my mom, but i came in between n saved her.
@pinklilly (3446)
• Australia
14 Apr 07
I grew up with a father that had many mistresses but my mum and him soon seperated but she would still hold on to the false hope as he would usually come back... soon she ignored the fact that he was with other women and he would come back to her.... There was a part in my life where Dad and his girlfriend lived with mum and me and my brothers a very weired situation but I never knew any better... My mum and her became friends and use to tell people that they were sisters...hmmm. I think back to my childhood and know everything was wrong and hate my parents for doing that to me... I too don't want to get married because of what I have been through and have seen many friends get married only to be devorced in 6months.... I hated my father for years but now I love him he is still with another Lady who is Lovely but My mum is aware off but still he will come back to her say once a month or so... It is still complicated and I hate thinking about it really and I never talk about it because of the frustration... ok enough about my sad life/upbringing.. Is your father aware that you Know what he is doing? It would be hard for you knowing he is seeing girls not much older than you... Is your mother aware? Be there for her and try to help each other deal with it... It's hard to exactly comment because I don't know the situation fully as with mine there is still more complicated twists but it would be a book if I got into it too deeply... Maybe Confront your father or even the women, scare them away or find a way to tell thier spouse.... Good Luck with it just know your not alone in this world....*hugs*
• India
14 Apr 07
Hi angel I have gone through you article and would like to contribute a message from my side. Due to your personal family problems being faced in ur family you are slowly entering into depression. You need to consult a psychiatrist and discuss all your problems. Please remember that there is definite solution for all our problems and also I wish to remind you that all five fingures are not same. Dont worry much , and dont think all men will be like your father. There are the best husband's in this world too? Please forget all these and get married and settle in life. It might even give your mother more happy in another side.
@mansha (6301)
• India
13 Apr 07
Running away is not and never the solution. You can not run away from yourself and who you are ever. Its true being the kid life has thrown a big challange at you. You arfe eighteen and just three more years to go when you will finish your college. stay foucused and make it your goal that you will complete your studies and do a job and earn enough for yourself and your mother so that she can with your help start a new life for herself. she has born the burnt for your sake now its your turn. keep counting in months or years, finish your education and leave your dad alone with his ways. You are the one who has to support your mom now. Be the dream she has seen in you and wi your freedom by your hardwork.
• United States
13 Apr 07
i am sure this is very upsetting for you and i feel for your heart ache. parents do alot of things that we jsut dont understand no matter what age we are. i am not saying what he is doing is right by any means. i am not sure what kind of arragements yoru parents have either. some adults have that open door relationship which doesnt make sense to me but it is not my call. if they dont have that kind of arrangement then i can see why your mother is so upset and all. what your dad is dong is wrong i agree there. he isnt the worst dad on earth for it though. i am sure no matter what he loves you and you never know that mmight be what keeps him there. i dont know your age sorry. he may want to leave but cant leave your mom like that cause of bills and such as well. maybe it would help if you talked with your dad. dont go to him yelling and stuff but try and sit down and really talk to him. as far as it affecting you on your ability to get married and have a heathly relationship that is someting you may need to speak with someone about. not all men are like that. i have been with my husband for 11 years and i can say for sure he has never cheated on me. he has never really thought about it. not all men do those things you just have to be sure with you that when you pick that specail someone that they wont do it. you are going to have to find a way to trust and that will be hard. i came from an abusive family and i was always scared that my husband would do that to me so i had a hard time trusting. it took alot for me to trust. they say you have a better chance at getting into relationships like the one you are brought up in. i can say though it didnt happen to me. running away will not solve anything. you can hide your eyes but the thoughts will be there. it does no good to run. i wish i could say something that would really help you and would make it all better. just know you are not alone and that others are here to help and listen.
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
13 Apr 07
This sounds like an awful situation sweetie. I would first of all tell you that I don't think tha running away is a good thing to do at all. Your mom needs you and if you ran away that would be like you were abandoning her like your dad is. Second, not all men are like that so please don't condemn yourself to a life alone. And third, I wouldn't keep focusing on what you dad is doing because it seems to be eating you up inside. Can you go to some kind of counceling or talk to a minister or something. Possibly they could help you handle things a little better. Good luck sweetie.
@dbeast (1499)
• India
13 Apr 07
i am sorry for the state you are in and i know how it feel because i felt the exact same way a few years back when things like this happened with my parents.well i would suggest you to get your mother up and going.get to spend a lot of time with her.pull her out of her depression.make things happy at home.TRY and talk to your dad about what you feel.you have the right to.it will hurt a lot but with time things will definitely smoothen down buddy.try indulging yourself in something which can distract you off these feelings.take care buddy.
@ninong (110)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
I think running away is not going to solve your problems. Because the problems could get even worse if you tried to run away from them. You should not leave your mom alone to face the problems. You could help her by being there for her. About the marriage thing, i can say that just because something might go wrong, does not mean you shouldn't give it a shot.
@raven9595 (101)
• United States
13 Apr 07
first realize it is not your fault. Second gatehr some evidence so that he cannot deny it, then confront him. Then if he doesn't change descide if you want to confront your mother. Just my opninion...
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
13 Apr 07
You need to talk to you mom. Start by telling her you are not a child any more and that you see what is going on. Tell her what you know and that you need someone to talk to and you want her to have someone to talk too. then either go to your clergy or a thereapist, separately and together. You and your mom, both, need to find jobs so that you can become independent of your father. And then give him the boot. Either he leaves or you two leave him. Your mom needs to stand up for herself by telling him the nonsense will stop. He is exposing her to VD, HIV, all kinds of stuff by sleeping around. Find someone to talk too about this, do not hold it all in. Let your father know that you know what he is doing and that you have lost all respect for him. Write it in a letter to him if you cannot say it to his face.
• United States
13 Apr 07
hey just because ur dad is cheating on your mom should not stop u from haveing a happy life with someone that u love. u r not alone in this matter because my dad did the samething to my mom. it took kicking my dad out of the house for a while to make him realise what he was doing. i am not saying that this will work for you but it might. as for you running away please do not do that your mom needs you right now. she needs to know that thier is someone willing to listen to her when she needs someone to talk to. if you want to add me to ur friends list go ahead and i will be more than happy to talk to you that way. hang in thier and be strong for your mom.