Is it okay for me to feel this way?

Singapore
April 16, 2007 10:36am CST
I'm a little mad at my boyfriend. Today's my birthday and I was really expecting that he would have a present for me. I mean, he kept asking me a few days back what I want for my birthday but today, he turned up empty-handed. I know it's petty and it shouldn't matter, what matters is that he remembers it but it's not that I'm expecting anything fancy, even a flower, a chocolate or any token will do--just something to say that he remembers and treasures this day. I don't know, maybe it's just the fact that I'm getting older and to top it off I have my period, that may be making me feel this way. How would you feel? PS..To all those people who would respond, I would like you to know that I appreciate it and I really do read all your responses but as much as I would like to comment and say thank you to each and everyone, it's against mylot guidelines to say thank you to each response. So thanks in advance to all.
11 people like this
58 responses
• China
17 Apr 07
Hey, happy birthday! As we are all girls, I say frankly that I will not feel very well when I'm in such an occasion. To give a present on one's birthday certainly matter not much, but it stands for your boyfriend's care about you. It show your weight in his heart. On this point, I will say my boyfriend has done very well. Whenever it's my birthday, he prepares presnets for me. Even in other times, I often receive presents from him, this makes me very happy. I know it's a little narrow-minded to say this, but girls are girls after all. We are different from men. We want men to read our thoughts. I advise you not to show your unsatisfaction toward him too much, that may lead to bad results. You can give him a hint some day, to say that little presents for a girl will make them happy.
2 people like this
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
I understand how you feel. Sometimes, its better not to expect too much so that we will not be disappointed. Disappointments brings sadness in our lives. It's better to be surprise when any unexpected comes to our daily lives. Surprises brings happiness.
• India
17 Apr 07
I don't agree to ur point. we expect something from our friends and family only. is it right then if we don't expect a single card then it means that we r not counting him or her as a friend. so i kindly say that it is not bad to accept a single card or a rose from ur friend or ur lover
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
If what you're expecting from your family and friends is affordable and will not bother them too much, maybe expecting little sometimes is good. But when we give to our family and friends, we don't expect anything in return. Agree?
@Zmugzy (773)
16 Apr 07
I think you're to feel the way you do. You should tell him how you feel. It's important that you communicate your true feelings. Holding things in or hiding your feelings will only lead to frustrations and eventually unnecessary confrontations. hugs on your birthday
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 07
i had to respond here too..lol men, generally dont care about a woman's true feelings. they want to know how much it will cost them, when they can leave and when the next ball game is on so he can plan his date with you around it lol generally when you're mad at them, they will just want the nagging to stop lol so telling them what they did in a long detailed sappy conversation will get ya no where. say hey dillhole, fix this. and move on.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 07
Happy birthday!!! I know how you feel. It's normal to feel cheesed off when someone close to you do not do anything special for your birthday. But what did you say to him when he asked you what you wanted for your birthday? If you said "nothing", then he probably thinks you literally mean nothing. I think if you want something, you have to ask for it. Don't just say "I don't want anything" or "nothing" and then expect something. If he ask you next time, give him a few suggestions. Say something like "a dinner at a restaurant would be nice" or "how about some flowers? I would really like that". Guys are clueless sometimes and it's best for both parties to be upfront, honest, communicate and not play any kind of mind games. Just know that your bf is not able to read your mind and if you want something, don't be afraid to ask or voice it out. It's better than not saying anything and then be disappointed later.
• Singapore
16 Apr 07
Nope, I didn't say "nothing", I think I said, it's up to you, something like that. He knows I don't like to say something specific but he also knows I always treasure anything he gives me.
@raven9595 (101)
• United States
16 Apr 07
It is not about the $$ or the recieving of a gift, it is about the thought, caring, respect, and admiration he should have for you. If you are hurt you have every right to feel that way. I knwo some guys who play that little game - ask what she wants for her birthday - since most women feel bad about saying what they want they usually say something non specific - and he turns up empyt handed saying "well you couldn't tell me so I didn't know..???? - he get out of giving a gift, spending money, and the girl ends up feeling it's her fault. If he doenst care enought to make you feel special on your birthday - how/why would he do it any other day???? He's not worth your time.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 07
Oh and Happy Birthday !! :O)
1 person likes this
@chloe9013 (532)
16 Apr 07
I think i would be a little mad too.. especially as he was actually asking what you wanted. I think your like me, it doesn't actually matter what its costs, its the fact they just made that effort to celebrate a part of you. If you havn't already, just mension to him that you didnt appeciate that he couldn't even make the effort to make you something .. that wouldnt even cost anything. Men dont react well to nagging but i still think they should get nagged at if they derserve it lol.
• Singapore
16 Apr 07
Thank you so much for agreeing. I thought I was just being paranoid or petty. As much as I would like to mention it to him, I'm afraid that I might look petty to him. But I agree with elkhawk, a card would have been much appreciated.
• United States
17 Apr 07
Well, happy birthday. I am sorry to hear this. No, material things shouldn't matter, but he did get your hopes up by asking you what you wanted. So, that was rude on his part. If you want to be pissed, you kind of have reason to be. Don't get too mad, and don't stay mad. I mean it is your birthday after all :)
1 person likes this
@vixel83 (212)
17 Apr 07
Happy Birthday :) Hope others marked it a bit better than he did! Just to add to what others have said, I can't blame you, I'd feel a bit miffed too. Even if it's just a card, something to mark the occasion is nevessary I think
1 person likes this
@dd00571 (53)
• China
17 Apr 07
my boyfriend was ill that day, i was in hospital that day! also, he give me nothing,and i was took care of he. bad news,isn't it!
1 person likes this
@dopey22girl (3326)
• United States
17 Apr 07
I don't think you're crazy for feeling that way. I can understand it. And the fact that you have your period does not help the situation, believe me, being a girl, I would know! Maybe he does have something for you and he is just waiting to give it to you as a surprise, who knows? Otherwise, just be thankful for the fact that he cares about you, and you two are happy together.
1 person likes this
• India
17 Apr 07
Hey, first of all MANY HAPPY BIRTH DAY to u.... I think, ur Boyfriend must have something for u on ur birthday....infact a LOVELY KISS on a forehead can do much...have u got the kiss???If yes, then that was the most wonderfull gift for u and if not....then I m sorry to say......Ur boyfriend must have some gift or even a single flower for u on ur birthday....I dont think u r so older now to have a wonderfull gift or evev a beautifull kiss....If u were in his place then I m sure that he was going to abuse u if u had forgotten or not had given any gift on his birthday...Am i right??? Hmmm....anway.....I must say that u r not old....u r very sweet and young....Have a nice BIRTHDAY....take care....
1 person likes this
@Zerzis (558)
• India
17 Apr 07
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR...! There are some people who always seek to find what is loved by the birthday person and try to gift that to him/her on birthday. This is something above average state of mind which i am talking about because i am also the same one. I really try to gift what is loved by a person. And if i am unable to find what they like I directly ask my friends what they would love from me on their birthday. It sounds crazy but such people (like me and ur boyfriend) really hate to give something just as a formality, they give it wholeheartedly or they just dont give it. Its a serious thing....yes i did that once..i asked one of my friend what she would like from me..she just said bring anything, infact she said u remember my birthday thats more than enough, but still i wanted to gift her something.I asked her this one week before her birthday, everyday she said bring anything u like or dont bring anything..and u know what happened last - i turned up with no gifts to her..just wished her on her birthday. As she was just a friend and not my girlfrind it was fine..but you would have felt bad as he was your boyfriend.. If i would have been in your place, at least i would have bought some roses for you..yep! Bye, takecare...
@neglitex (347)
• Latvia
17 Apr 07
That's really great that your boyfriend remembered. But maybe he went to the mall or whatever and just couldn't choose..lol....but it happens. Did he do something instead of bringing some phisical present? :)
1 person likes this
@siukris (13)
• Hong Kong
17 Apr 07
Happy birthday natalie. If I were you, I will be mad at him too so I think your reaction is ok. Maybe he is too busy at his work and he actually doesn't forget your birthday but he remembers another day! My boyfriend sometimes does so, first time my reactions are the same as you, but later I get used to it and I found he is really roubles with his homework. Mad at him! And then take it easy. cheers :)
1 person likes this
@Naomi17 (624)
17 Apr 07
I was always told its the thought that counts but he didn't think or he would have done something a card a nice meal a box of chocolates i can understand your hurt! HAPPY BITHDAY!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Apr 07
I really understand what you feel, its just happen to me this year... The Valentine's day is on February 14 then My birthday is on February 24. Do you know that on February 14, i really expect him to give me flower even if he just pick up it outside or even just a kiss and a sincere greet of Haapy Valentines, but he dont do anything, it really hurts then i ask him why. he answered me I'll give it to you on your birthday. Then Its Feb. 24 at night, and he's asking me what i like, do you see the point i want him to just greet me sincerely or just give me flower not because i said to him that i like it, but because he remembered that i like someone to give it to me on such special day.
@Suze05 (480)
• United States
17 Apr 07
Happy Birthday!! even though it's over by now..LOL I don't know that I'd be mad, but I'd sure as heck be hurt and disappointed..especially depending on how long you've been together. What a jerk to keep asking you what you wanted and then not even get you so much as a card. No explanation of what happened and why he couldn't bother with a gift?? That's so messed up! Plus, having your period on your birthday..what a bummer..and that will tend to make you more emotional and easily hurt, so that just makes it so much worse. Sorry about that BTW : O)) I'd definitely mention to him something about it and see what he says..if he doesn't have a good reason for getting you nothing then I'd let him know he hurt you for sure!
@maximax8 (28256)
• United Kingdom
17 Apr 07
Happy Birthday Natalie. I am so sorry that your boyfriend did not get you a present. It was strange he asked you what you would like. If he hadn't asked you might think he had forgotten it. But he could not have done so in just a few days. I think it is mean of him. I believe it is the thought that counts. One flower would cost very little but would be a nice present. He should have treasured the day. I think a card and a present is what you should have got. You are right to feel the way you do.
@edzingers (330)
• Philippines
17 Apr 07
You expected too much that's why you're feeling like that. We have the same situation before, but I caught myself expecting too much from him and that is not good at all. Appreciate everything that you have because you might regret everything and it will be too late.
1 person likes this
@kming52 (280)
• China
17 Apr 07
I can quite understand you .I will feel upset or frustrated as well if i have to face this situation.Was your boyfriend a bad man?i can hardly understand his behaviors.