Would you stay in an abusive relationship?

Hey girl you've been hiding. aw man im glad you got out that relationship its not healthy.Far as your friend with children its not good for the kids to see this go on.In my book i think it would be better to get out of the relationship for the sake of the kids.

another thing kids might grow up thinking its okay to physically hurt someone when they are angry. whats best for the kids is to have their mother alive so i hope your friend wakes up and leave as soon as possible.

haha. i wasn't hiding. i just took a break for two weeks from myLot. i guess i need to since i had been here for 9 months already. hehe. anyway, i miss you.

and yep. you are right. my friend should leave such a man since he does not deserve her attention and presence. plus, it might worsen after sometime, too.

That is very true, children that see this kind of behavior will think that it is Ok, to do this, they do what they see their parents do. I always tell my Husband don't argue with me in front of the kids. that is wrong.

it sure and thats for sure!!

That is a sad situation.I could not be running like that all my life.My grandmother stayed and had 10 kids by my grandfather because she had nowhere to go but years later she met my stepgrandfather and they came here to va.she is has been with him over 30 years now.

those are very difficult situations that you have been through and extremely traumatic, too. if i were in your shoes, i will never take another chance at marriage. but of course, i cannot dictate that to you and i can never blame you if you will try it for a third time. next time that you will consider getting married, know the man very well first. you cannot possibly afford a third mistake. maybe it will be wise to hire a private detective to know his background before considering tying the knot for a third time around.

I had to take a long, hard look at my life and I realized I was following in my mother's foot steps. She also was married to an abusive man, my father, and later married another bad man. So, I had to figure out how to break the cycle and see people differently in order to stop running and start living. It wasn't easy, but it's been done.

Exploration, i think you are one of the strongest woman I've seen. If i were in your shoe, i will be crying and not receiving any people's help as i am the type of woman that depends a lot on my bf.

The strength is with you. Stay positive. What passed is already passed, look forward to a better life with your beloved children@

I was in an abusive relationship for 3-years. My ex-wife has a violent temper and was at times given to yelling verbal and physical abuse at me in public and in private and being a much bigger built guy, I couldn't hit her back even though at times I was sorely tempted to hit back.

Anyway, I'm not sure how relevant my experiences are to this discussion when most of the topic is about women. However, I think one of the reasons why I stayed in the relationship was because, well, I felt that I was one of the reasons she was the way that she was. Not that I believed that I deserved to be abused but I think what I felt was a responsability for her behaviour and her welfare.

It was a case of...if I leave now, what would that do to her. Would she get worse and would I be responsible for that. I think alot of people who are on the recieving end of an abusive relationship get caught up in the belief that they can somehow part and parcel of the abuse and so stick with it. In my case, being the guy, it was as if, it would be unmanly to leave.

The trigger point for me came from one beating too many, when I felt that one more punch from her would make me hit her back and ensure she would never be able to hit back. I think it was at that point I decided that enough was enough and took a court order out against her - thus leading to the end of a very painful relationship.

Tigertang - you brought up a real problem - Usually women are considered to be the victim in an abusive relationship, and that is not always the case.

Also, due to mistaken pre-conceptions of the public, you had a problem standing up for your rights and not being branded as a violent man!!

You did the right thing - hats off!!

http://www.davidben-gershon.bravehost.com

I would have thought well if he is doing this to me now then this is what he will do if I marry him,but its good he is in jail and lets hope he wont come after her when he gets out.

If your married it would be alot worse because then it would be alot harder to leave a marriage. Then the husband would say stuff like you will never leave me or never divorce me, or if you divorce me ill kill you. stuff like that and that is scary.

Why in the world would they think that?thats so wrong.If i was you being that you have experienced this situation i would just be more aware and look for signs.

ok i have to say this, i know how that feels because it took me a while to be with a man but sometimes i still feel that the i am gonna go through the same situation but i try to give the man the benefit of the doubt.this is why i am in counseling now to deal with it because now i have a fiance and i know that he is not the type of man to abuse women but i still have the doubt in my mind so thats why im talkint to a therapist so that i can go on. There are good men in this world but i say wait on God to bring you that someone.

I was in one too. It didn't start out overtly abusive - the mind game was slow in progressing. Add years of alcohol abuse - alcoholic neuropathy, two kids and a long life together - good and bad - it's typically progressive. Twenty years ago, I too would say No way, I would never put up with that!! Most abused women are emotionally and mentally manipulated, but few lay down and take it initially either. We often fight back - the abuser then uses our fighting back as a means to threaten the loss of our children, the threaten lives, they do a lot of threatening and one can not be sure what they really will and won't do, for initially, abusers are typically quite charming and enduring. They're pros at their own game. Abused persons become codependent in their own right and it's simply a vicious cycle, that is upon you over the progression of time. Over the course of time the abuser has often isolated the abused so their support group and network of family and friends has diminished and perspective is lost in the confusion.

Savvy, I'm sorry to hear you lost your children in your custody case. This is not uncommon either, which is the other reason abused persons stay. They do not want to lose their children. The court systems don't take these matters seriously and many law enforcement agencies don't either. Finally, shelters in some respect are helpful, yet they are often non-profits and can only do so much. Which leaves one trying to get out with a desperate feeling of hopelessness.

Advocacy, support and non-judging friends and family are the best resource to making voices heard to protest against abuse. Having been in an progressively abusive marriage of many years, I finally got out when a family member of my abuser stood up and said I believe you and I will help. I had been drawn down so deep in the mire I didn't have the strength and I was fearful for the well being of my children. No one believed me up to that point the extent of the abuse was hidden in the mind games. When my abuser realized the end was upon him, he then got physical to the 'n'th degree and I had the proof in witness and my credibility came to light. It's unfortunate that it took all that to have the ability to break completely free.

I now work in volunteering at shelters and though it is even now easy to think - I would not put up with that again - I stop my judgment - for I thought the same many years ago and God forbid I wind up there again!!

Prayers for you all!! May you find God's blessings in your respective journeys!!

My1Savior,Swtness and Diva,
I will say this. When Katrina happened, the girls had to come stay with me since they were in the direct path of the storm. Because of them staying with me, and all, they ended up coming back to stay in May of 2006. My eldest is about to graduate from high school next May and the other is a sophomore. I haven't gotten into a relationship since my marriage ended. well one, and it was disastrous. I have met some men that are good, but the rest needs to be told on that.

YOu made the right decision your life is much more important.What you have now is peace,safety and the integrity to live your life.

Leaving what we worked so hard to have in spite of the abuse is difficult!! Life is wonderful no matter where you are as long as you are at peace!! Bless you Sunlover!!

yea and I believe they can protect the caller and not revealed who called them.Even the for the battered women shelter she can call for her,im not really sure

Thats great,many women in abusive relationships lose their lives and did not get the chance to start their life over.Im glad you did not let it go any further.

I don't know what happened here I didn't preview it before posting...LOl sorry what I meant to say (in the first sentence was)
I hope your friend listens to someone and gets out of that relationship.......

Oh see that was a sign right there and I'm glad you did leave him.Saying things such as that would RING the ALARM in my head as well.

Men who abuses women are plain ole cowards and far as the women that put up with it i really dont know what is going through their head maybe fear.My grandmother said she had nowhere to go she was only 13 and didnt know any better.I feel for her because that is why she is having trobles with her shoulder til this day.So like you said better get out of this before its to late.

I am not married but this is only my opinion if he is aware of his temper then maybe counseling is needed so you both can sit down and talk and express your feelings.He needs a better way of communicating.