I was selfish.... It could have been another unhappy child....
By maple_kisses
@maple_kisses (2156)
Philippines
May 24, 2007 3:38am CST
Last week, I went back to my homeland for a 7-day vacation. I celebrated my 26th birthday there with my family. I was so happy, I missed them so much, especially my mom and my cute little nieces. My other sister is 5 months pregnant and the other one just got married and will soon have babies too. I was married 4 years ago, and I still don't have a child.
I always love children, I always daydream of dressing them up, teaching them about life, strolling with my kids hand in hand in the park, tickling them on the bed, reading them stories... sigh!
As I was playing with my nieces, it suddenly occurs to me that I wanted to have my own kids. I'm separated, I'm not getting any younger and I don't think I wanna go back to my husband nor marry yet another guy. I just want a kid to take care of me when I grow old, a child who'll be my pride and joy. I grew weary. I want a child!
I planned of finding a guy who can give me the child I wanted, I wouldn't be asking him for support, I will take care of my child alone. I'm sure I can manage. But then I realized I was being selfish and rather stupid. I was thinking of my own happiness, of an opportunity to showcase my maternal abilities, I maybe am suitable to be a Mom, but what of the child's paternal needs? How will she answer her friend's questions about her Dad? How will I explain to her that I just wanted to have her but I don't want her dad? For five nights I dreamt of babies, babies who look at me, accusing me of being selfish, in the morning, I always wake up feeling sorry for myself. I guess I'll just have to accept that I'll grow old alone... Can you advise me on this? Thanks..
2 people like this
3 responses
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
24 May 07
Yes... I do think you need to think of the child. It is preferable if he/she can grow up with love from both dad and mum. So why don't you go on and try to find another mr right? :P
1 person likes this
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Hehehe! That would come more difficult :) But well, I shall try my best...
By the way, I lost 1 star a while ago and I can see you lost 2 of yours, you had 10 right? What happened???
1 person likes this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
24 May 07
I am quite certain it is some glitch or kind. Can you try searching for any with a red or blue star?
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
24 May 07
It is natural and most maternal on a womans part to want to have children. I had always wanted to be a mommy. I was told at the age of 15, I had cervical cancer and would never have children, I was also told a few more things at the time. When I met my husband, I had just gotten out of a pretty bad 4 year relationship. I had sworn of all men. My husband was persistent in getting me to go out with him. A year later, I decided to give him a shot. Needless to say we've been married for almost 12 years now and I have 2 beautiful little boys. I had 3 miscarriages, and thought I would never be a mom. Well the doctors were wrong. Everything they told me when I was 15 was untrue. My new doctor told me all that. Can you imagine? I guess they got the results mixed up, who knows. Point is sweetie, give it time. Anything can happen when you least expect it, and you may be head over heels once again !!
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
25 May 07
Bless you too, you can have the strength and optimism, I never had it. I was always very negative. I decided that the negativity was making me sick and miserable. I believe in you May.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 May 07
Thanks Mishee... You're a great friend, a great person... :)
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 May 07
Ohhh dear... I'm really happy for you.. Wow! Imagine having to go through all of that and look at you now.. happy and contented.. .wow! really, I'm amazed... now that's an inspiration, you just moved me to tears... You are something mishee... I do admire you, I hope I have your strength and optimism... Thanks for sharing that... God bless you always and your family.. :)
1 person likes this
@g_aileen09 (1354)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Babies are great gifts!!! They do give enormous joy to parents. But you're right, thinking only of your own happiness might only ruin the future of these angels. For in a family, the children need both parents to grow up with.
Children should be borne out of love...and nothing else. If you want to have them because you want them...that would be unfair.
There are many single parents who are forced to reason out that way, (that they wanted a child but not a husband) simply because they think that this is the only reason that the norms of our society would most probably accept. Seldom are young people who admit they made a mistake in giving themselves to the wrong person.
Yet, my dear... you are still young. You may eventually fall in love with the right man who would be willing to share his lifetime with you, and with a bunch of loveable kids. Don't lose hope. Love will find a way to your heart.
Until then...i must say--- live your life to the fullest. And never be afraid to fall in love again. It is the most beautiful thing that could happen to anybody. :)
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Your reply is full of wisdom hun and I really appreciate them. I'm not losing hope, still, I'm a little "accepting" of the truth now. I just can't open up my heart to another man, not yet... maybe in the far future, I'm not sure when... Anyways, you're right about the baby, they need to grow up with both parents... Thanks for confirming my realization of a mistake that I could have committed.... God bless :)
1 person likes this
