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myLot reputation of 99/100. TriciaW (1836)   ranked 94 out of 7,157 in family3 years ago

My daughter called me today and told me that there is so much drama going on with her future inlaws she just doesn't know what to do. Her husband to be has parents that got a divorce about a 3 years ago and his dad has been dating a woman ever since. This woman is not well liked by the children and she is upset that no one has invited her to a bridal shower. First the woman or the father did not come to either my daughter or his son but instead to one of his daughters. That got everyone upset. Then on father's day his kids decided to cook for him at the lake and went out and bought everything and he brought her and her son he took her son out onto the boat right away and spent no time with his kids not even to come in and sit down to eat. The kids are 22, 18 and 17 so not small children. Well they all ended up back at my daughter's house she had spent the day with her father. When she suggested they talk to their dad and tell them how they feel they were like oh no we have never talked about our feelings with our dad we can't do that. My daughter has a hard time understanding that since even though her father and I were divorced when she was young we all still were very open and communicated very well together. We always respected each others feelings it was just how we were. So now there is a shower coming up not to mention the wedding next month and the kids are mad at their dad and with his girl friend. I told my daughter that it would be bad for everyone if that relationship didn't get put back together. I told her that she needs to explain to all of them that family is important and even if they don't like the woman that she is with their dad and that she should be invited to the shower since it is his side giving it and she should be invited to the wedding. I also told her that she is going to have to sit down with her future husband and tell him how to communicate with his father. I reminded her that she is good at communicating and as his soon to be wife she needed to make sure he could do it as well. Of course he and her communicate very well and have a wonderful relationship so hopefully she can walk him through talking with his dad. I really had to bite my tongue though because for heavens sake the dad seems to be acting like the child and that drives me nuts. How would you help? I just don't want any drama to spoil this wedding.

 
 
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tags:  family, sos, bridal
 
1. myLot reputation of 98/100. tredale (708)   ranked 313 out of 7,157 in family   3 years ago

You know weddings are in the 3 most stressful catagorie, weddings,funerals and babies. So if you can ride this out and accomadate everyone its too your advantage or you daughters. I think she should invite the mother in law number 2 and try to make the most of it. At the very least you have done the right thing. Same with the father its a hard time when families arent getting along. goodluck.

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2. myLot reputation of 93/100. charlene2350 (4850)   ranked 73 out of 7,157 in family   3 years ago

If there is drama now, you can bet there will be drama come wedding time. If his kids have spent a lifetime not communicating, I doubt it will change in a month's time. Why does mother, father and girlfriend have to be there to see the children get married? The girlfriend is not his wife, right? I can see tension right away with the exes and the girlfriend as the catalyst. I may be seeing it wrong, but if I suspected there would be someone raining on my parade, I would not invite the one I thought would bring the rain.

You are the peacemaker...I can see that Tricia... I commend you for the way you teach your daughter, but I wouldn't be so generous.

The father was so enamored with his girlfriend he didn't have time for his kids? come on... they won't miss the wedding anyway... because its not about them.


myLot reputation of 99/100. TriciaW (1836)   ranked 94 out of 7,157 in family  3 years ago

LOL I am not always the peacemaker. I did tell my daughter about a month ago that if there is anyone causing drama on her wedding day I would personally take care of it. My daughters laugh because I am as easy going as can be but if someone makes me really mad look out because I get this look and this "don't even think about messing with me" tone. They say it scares them when they hear that tone. The funny thing is that tone isn't directed at them and they get scared.


myLot reputation of 93/100. charlene2350 (4850)   ranked 73 out of 7,157 in family  3 years ago

Hope her wedding goes off without a hitch! Have a wonderful day. Give my best wishes to her and tell her congrats!

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3. myLot reputation of 74/100. RealDeal (1276)   ranked 1,148 out of 7,157 in family   3 years ago

You know what Tricia, this feud has been going on way before you daughter's future husband even met. So that said, your daughter and her future hubby needs to worry about their own selves and not them. It's their arguement not hers or his so let them have it. She's not marrying the family. She's marrying HIM only. All she and he need to do is cover for themselves and no one else. No one is going to fix their problems, they have to do it or it'll never be fixed. Your daughter needs to be sure she invites who ever she wants and what ever happens after that is not her doing and so she should not feel guilty for. If she does what she feels is right then she should be fine however, if someone has a problem with how she did something, then it's their problem to deal with their feelings, not your daughters. I hope you understand what I'm trying to get across for it's sure hard to explain it here. Put it this way, her problems are her problems, their problems are their problems so don't make any of theirs yours.

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