when your hurt emotionally will you fight back and revenge or accept the fate?

what is love when there's hatred inside your heart...what is understanding when your mind is full of furies that will lead to insecurity...yes judge me not of insanity but of passion that might turn to obsession because of what ive been through!obsession is not healthy and not very nice when its a feeling,it can destroy and shatters other,and it can only be done by someone out of mind,out of control because she was deeply hurt and beaten,realizing that its the end of what she knows and hope for are not real anymore but just a fantasy that has ending,not a good one as expected because there's no such happy ending after all.
judge me not of being pessimistic but realization is painful and awakening the deepest guilt that was hidden in the deepest abyss of one's soul...not hoping anything will be alright but the painful consequence of what we have when we had a wonderful moments to share that we thought it will be forever.there's always a deadline for everything,and we learned from that no matter how ugly,painful or wonderful experienced it was,but time is time and we cant turn it back,we always move forward and face tomorrow and start a life.
yes i am hurt,some become stronger and some just like me is deteriorating,melting and dying slowly unconsciously,blinded because all the dreams had vanished.yes we can get away and act like its all right,but i can't and there's this anguish in my heart growing slowly and poisoning every controlled part of my personality into dark and ugly conception that i myself cant stop nor controlled.its growing every waking day of my life since this started to get even and hurt him the way he stab my heart.i want vengeance,i cannot accept reasons because there's still hatred in my heart...
WHAT LIFE WHEN THERE'S NO MORE LIFE?WHAT IS HAPPINESS WHEN I CANNOT CLAIM THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THE HAPPINESS THAT I FOUND?I CARE LESS AND I LOVE NO ONE CAUSE I THOUGHT I KNOW HOW TO LOVE AND I DONT,IM A SELFISH PERSON,YES I KNOW IM A LOSER AND I WILL LOSE MORE ALONG THE WAY...IM SO WEAK IN THE END.