When love is not enough break up or stay?  | |  I'm at a crossroads and not sure what to do. I've been with my bf for three years now and I am planning on leaving in about two months. I don't know if I will come back. I care about my bf but it's not enough. Here's the thing. I never got over my first love. Breaking up with my ex has been my biggest regret in my life. I broke up with him 10 years ago and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him.
How can I still be with my bf when all I can think about is my ex? There are some things about my bf that I don't want to put up with anymore. We get along fine but I feel I can't totally love him because my ex is still in my heart and always will be.
The last time I saw my ex was about seven years ago. He is married now with a son and lives a thousand miles away. I heard from him last November it was just an email. I actually tracked him down because I had a dream that he was going to war and it turns out he is on his second tour of Iraq. I found his email address and sent him a short note just asking if he was ok. He replied telling me he was in Iraq and asking about how I was and that was the last I heard from him. I know he's ok because I check the casualty lists everyday and he's never on it. I also send him e-cards and he picks up the cards but he doesn't write back.
I have no illusions of us getting back together but I just can't get over him. Even if I never see my ex again I'll love him until the day I die. I don't want to hurt my bf's feelings I know he loves me and he doesn't want me to go. I gave him some reasons why I'm leaving but he doesn't know that part of the reason is because I still love my ex so much. Part of me doesn't want to go either. If you know the lyrics to the song "If you can't be with the one you love, you got to love the one you're with" I feel like that but I just can't love the one I'm with the way I love my ex.
I feel like I will never find anyone who I love more than I love my ex but at the same time I have someone now who loves me and I get along with even though I love someone I may never even see again. Has anyone ever been in this situation? Tell me how it turned out for you.
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 dreamy1 (1758) | 3 years ago | Thanks you for that. I'm glad it worked out great for you. I know he's moved on and I don't know why I just can't get over the past. I know I should I guess part of it is that I feel guilty because I ended it he was such a great guy he did nothing wrong it was all my fault and now I'm so miserable because of it. I'm so upset I cry so much over it, I'm even crying now. I feel like I will cry over it the rest of my life. | |
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| HighReed1 (881) | 3 years ago |  I was in a situation where I cried all the time. I had to keep asking myself..."Can you do anything about it? If not, move on."
You sound like you are beating yourself up and don't deserve to. HE isn't holding on to the bad feeling. Don't YOU hold onto it, either. You're beating yourself up over nothing.
You'll have to work at it, make yourself not think bad about yourself. It CAN be done. Give it a shot.
When you hold a cup for a minute, it doesn't feel heavy. When you hold it for an hour, it starts to hurt. When you hold it for a day, someone would need to call an ambulance. It's the same way with troubles and bad feelings. Set them down and rest before messing with them AT ALL again.
Hope this helps.:)
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| dreamy1 (1758) | 3 years ago | Some days are better than others. Some days I'm really ok but it's those days when I think about it that really get me down. Just when I think I'm over it it pops back up. I do beat myself up a lot. I don't know how to stop. Thanks for your advice. | |
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| | | 2. REy_21 (2) | 3 months ago | i've been through alot in a relation, is like u put ur heart out there, u fall in love all of sudden things started to change and u dont know what to do to make that person happy, but u still trying even though is not worth it to so . just because u love someone that doesn't mean to give urself up to that person. | |
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