Maternal Clock

Try being married and *not* wanting kids. When my husband or I say that we are never having kids, you'd think we just told a group of kindergartners that Santa Claus isn't real. Then comes the standard reasons why I should hav a baby: "You'll change your mind," "Deep down you want a baby," "Your husband will leave you," "You can't have a *real* family without children," "Children are a blessing/joy/gift/love/delight, so you have to have one." You have a baby when YOU are ready. Tell those busy bodies to shut their pie hole if they keep asking. It's true that not all married couples want kids, not all married couples want to get pregnant right after their wedding and some do. It's all up to the person involved. My sister said she was ready after a year of being married and alone with her now ex-husband. You'll know when the time is right and if you don't, then just go with it. It's your life. Not theirs.

People did the samething to me. Married only a month or so and already asking when we where going to have kids. I wanted them right away but I am a kid person. I work in a daycare and kids are my life. My husband was far from ready and I respected that. Besides waiting made sense. We traveled a bit and had our fun partying years. Then something started to change. We where not going out as much and lost interest in the partying and things that once seemed way more important then kids. We started focusing more on our relationship and he deiced he was ready and I of course was because my biological clock was ticking away. Basically when the time was right we both knew it and even though if it was up to me we would have done it sooner I am glad we waited. I am pregnant now and due in April and we are both so excited and focused on the pregnancy and excited for the baby. My husband would not have felt that way if I had pressured him or just surprised him with it and let it happen. He might have resented me or the baby. You might resent your baby and feel like you missed out on the alone time you want with your husband. Basically I would say if it happens you both will step up and I am sure you will be wonderful parents. However don't even take chances if you are not sure. There are of course always doubts and fears but you will know when you are ready. Don't let them asking bother you and don't feel like you have to explain yourself to them. I always felt like I had to give reason why we where not yet reproducing. I eventually told everyone we wanted to be married 5 years first and they where all shocked, surprised and happy when we announced our news after 3. Besides marriage takes work and you have to learn how to communicate and how to live with each other without wanting to kill each other. I love my husband and we dated for 8 years before we got married and I still learn things about him that shock me. Divorce rates are high and marriage is hard. Do one thing at a time. Get your marriage off to a great start enjoy each other and be happy with the love you share. Your love will grow and you will know it is time to share that love with a little baby and it will be a great experience.

In my opinion, its good to work out the issues first - living together with a spouse can bring out all your differences and if you add a baby into that ratio too soon, it can be difficult. There is a stage when u feel comfortable with each other and can handle issues and differences maturely, and if you are also in a position to save up for the added expenses at least upto the maternity expenses. Also considering that you will at least take a break from work, (if ur working) or even if u are not working it will be wise to build up some savings for those months u will be at home so it wont be an added stress on ur husband to deal with your hormones,the upcoming changes and strained finances.

Believe me they will be like that until they see you with your big tummy or feeling sick and dizzy with your first baby.

When and if you have children is entirely up to you and your husband. Just becuase people ask when you're having kids or tell you you should have kids doesn't mean you have to. It just means that people are arrogant and self-righteous and think everything is their buisness and everyone should think the way they do.

Every bodys 'clock' is different. You would be right to spend a few years to be with your husband, and take time in making a good and stable home for a child. You will know when you are ready for a baby. Dont let people pressure you into something that you are not ready for. :-)