Could you ever forgive someone who murdered your child?  |
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 Two years ago in my community, a drunk driver killed a teenager. The teenager's family says they have forgiven the man, and they are actually fighting in court to get his sentence shortened because they say the remorse he feels has been punishment enough. I have very conflicting emotions about this, because while I believe forgiveness helps everyone move on and heal in the end, I do not believe I would ever be able to forgive someone for taking my child's life, especially a drunk driver. What are your thoughts?
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1.  dellion (5585) | 2 years ago |  I don;t I can even face it if that was happended to my family and for the rest of my life I don't think I can really forgive it.
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | It is even hard to imagine, isn't it? Hopefully we will never have to face such a dreadful thing, ever. | |
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| yokus52 (2) | 2 years ago |  No, that is something I could never forgive.
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2.  sbeauty (4246) | 2 years ago |  I would like to say I could, but I don't know. That would be the most devastating thing that could happen to me. I admired the Amish people who said that they had already forgiven the man who killed 5 of their children. That takes real strength of character, and I believe they have it if anyone does.
For me it would also depend on the circumstances. If it was premeditated murder or a serial killer, or something like that, I'd have a harder time forgiving than if it were an accident. One thing I would always want to remember is that the killer's family is grieving, too. I'd never want to be as vengeful as some of the people I see on the news. Hurting that other family isn't going to bring your child back.
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | You are so right. Your child won't come back no matter what. And I admire and respect the Amish so much, as well as the Quakers, who also believe that forgiveness is paramount and always possible. I do so wish I could be as sure as they are that I could forgive. I certainly don't think I could forgive that man who shot all those Amish children. There is always a choice. If that man was so miserable that he couldn't live without the thought of doing others harm, he had other options that would not have hurt anyone else. I am not saying I condone suicide, but in cases such as these, it is hard not to say I'd choose that. Just look at that man last week who killed his four year old son and survived. He had hoped to kill himself and both his children in a suicidal car crash. Why didn't he just kill himself? I cannot imagine being so emotionally distressed as to want to kill my own children or anyone else, even if I had "snapped." For some reason I just do not think your conscience abandons you completely even in moments of a dire stress. But if I had to defend the life of my own child or any other person, I do think I'd be able to kill. Not without remorse, not without much mental disturbance, but I do think it would be a normal survival reflex. | |
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| 3. missinghim (918) | 2 years ago |  I really believe that it would really take a lot of growth and character for me to forgive something so heinous. And even though that man may be remorseful now, he wasn't too remorseful when he made the decision to drive while he was intoxicated. What he did was willfull and deliberate, and unfortunately that resulted in the death of an innocent child. Quite frankly, he deserves to serve his full sentence, and quite frankly whatever time they gave him was not enough in my opinion.
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | Thank you all for your heartfelt answers. This is an extremely sensitive subject and difficult even to imagine having happen in our own lives. | |
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| 4. sabrinam (712) | 2 years ago |  No, absolutely not and if it made me a bitter terrible old woman, so be it. Once upon a time I was told I would never see my son again and now, those people wish they'd never crossed that line. I'm the proverbial mama bear. Leave the cubs alone.
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | I think your thoughts are very close to mine. I don't think I could ever forgive and I would protet my children as fiercely as you've protected your son. | |
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| 5. euniceeleanor (3364) | 2 years ago |  Though I would hope to say that I will forgive and forget, i believe that during the initial stage, i will be so angry with that person. I mean, for being so irresponsible, driving under the influence of alcohol, and resulting the death of a teenager. Well, come to think of it, it's kinda hard to forgive him, ever!
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | I have to say I agree with you . . . | |
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| 6. dollbaby (271) | 2 years ago |  I agree with you. It's hard to say how I would actually feel if this happened. However, I would die for my kids and the thought of someone else taking their life senselessly...well I don't believe I could ever forgive that.
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | Let's just hope we never, any of us, have to face such circumstances, ever. It is awful even to imagine. | |
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| 7. Cortney (3064) | 2 years ago |  I could never forgive someone who killed my child. I don't care how remorseful they are. They took a life. If a person is stupid enough to get behind the wheel smashed out of their mind, then they should suffer the consiquences. I think that killing someone, especially when driving drunk, should be a 1st degree murder charge. They got behind the wheel intensionally when they could have called a friend, relative, or cab.
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | You are so right. They had a choice, a very serious choice . . . | |
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | That's a very balanced answer. It is what I would hope to feel myself, but I honestly do not believe I'd ever be able to forgive someone taking my child's life, either intentionally or unintentionally. I suppose that makes me imperfect, but I could never forgive myself either if I had caused the death of someone else's child . . . | |
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9.  mshenzi (230) | 2 years ago |  I can forgive him if he lets me kill him and not report this matter.
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | Wow. That's a little harsh! But again, I have no idea how I would respond. I would certainly have moments I would wish to kill the person, but hope that I would not, because I do not think we can ever recover from taking someone else's life. And if I was the one who had drank, drove and killed, especially a child or teenager, I do not believe I could live with the guilt and remorse. There are just some things that cannot be forgiven. This is a tough discussion matter . . . | |
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| 10. divir_vij (1378) | 2 years ago |  No matter how long it takes they should not loose hope and get justice for the sake of their dead child... This would be the only thing they can do for their demised loved one
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| Proserpine (83) | 2 years ago | I agree, justice should be sought and gone after by all means, it's the forgiving and forgetting I would find impossible . . . | |
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