|  This is for my narcissistic husband who is a terrible pathological liar. I wish you and Mallory, your ugly and very weird girlfriend, the best. She looks like a real winner...
8 Signs You Know You're With a Loser
1. If a man asks you to marry him while the band is playing a song with the lyrics "daddy's little girl run away to a marriage on minimum wage," laugh hysterically like you thought it was a joke. Embarrass him so he doesn't bring it up the rest of the evening. When you get home never answer his calls again, avoid him at all possible times and if necessary get a restraining order.
2. When you're on a date with a guy, and you find out that he's 21 and doesn't have a driver's license, drive to the middle of nowhere, pretend to think you have a flat, have him get out and check, then drive off and don't look back.
3. If you find out the guy you're dating still lives at home (by choice) when he's almost 22, buy him a package of depends, a bink and a pacifer and be on your way.
4. If your boyfriend is attracted to lesbians and obsesses over gay men in bands, introduce him to Lance Bass and then slowly walk away so you don't make a scene.
5. If you boyfriend has 7 guitars, is in a lame band (The Pike) that has never actually played a show, and aspires to be a rock star but failed beginners guitar in high school, hand him a tissue, a hammer and nails and then leave immediately. Maybe he'll write a song about it.
6. When you kiss your boyfriend and catch a whiff of last weeks garlic French fries, stop and think for a minute. If you find out he hasn't brushed his teeth in 3 weeks, realize THEN that he has a problem and call for an intervention. This may require re-enrolling him in middle school for a semester of health education.
7. If your boyfriends best and only friends (with the exception of said lame band) are his siblings, you might want to reevaluate the situation. Unless, that is, you want to spend a few days a week at his parents house in addition to every minor and major holiday.
8. After you've been married for a year and you're husband says, "I think I need new boxers...I haven't bought new boxers since I was a kid," think to yourself that something is wrong with that statement. Remember that he lived at home all his life and his mom did his laundry, replacing the boxers when they needed replacing. He did not have special underwear that lasted a decade, who thinks that?
Do you know anyone else like that? What was I thinking right?
If this made you smile, visit: http://seattle.craigslist...
and vote for it on the best of craigslist. I want my son to be ex to "find" it! ha.
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