Wow, I can't believe its been a year now.......

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Last year May 4th My dad pasted away, His birthday is the 17th of may he would have been 49 this year......I dont really know why I'm writing this, I dont really know where I'm going with this. My boyfriend just left for work and this is the first time its been quiet for me this weekend, I guess silence makes a person think. My dad was really sick, He was in pain most if the time. Back when he got hurt was in the days of using humans as test dummies on Oxycontin, So he was hooked on those and has a drug problem (pills) I told him for so long that if he didn't stop taking those pills like that he wasn't going to live long, My parents decided to move to Texas (from michigan) in Oct 06, after they got down there I guess my dad started to do really good and was trying to get off the pills, he had to go through a process but he was doing it, he sounded better when I talked to him on the phone and he wasn't falling asleep everywhere. But he started having strokes and other things started happening. he was in he hospital in DEC 06. then on may 4th 2007 I got a phone call, three days after I had just talked to him. They told me he had died, didnt know what to do I was by myself, no one came to my house to tell me, my mom had tried to call me but for some reason my phone didnt ring, there was no reason for it not to cause it rang for everyone else BUT my mom. that was weird cause the way they got ahold of me was on my prepaid cellphone that hadn't had minutes in it for 2 months and the only reason it was on was cause it was my phone book, My cousin ended up getting ahold of me and told me. I screamed......I screamed so loud cause I didnt know how else to feel a little better. He was doing better he was getting off the pills. the next day Me and my sister, My aunt and uncle all flew out to Texas, then next things I knew my dad was buried and my mom was moving back to michigan, I am so glad to have her up here my kids love her, she is actually my step mom but I dont call her that, she is my MOM and no one else ever has been. but yesterday was the day, it was the one year mark.....but it feels like its been so long, but not so long at the same time. We found out later that there was a lawsuit going on for people who had someone in the family die from trying to stop taking oxycontin or just from taking it, I guess people that have been taking for as long as my dad especially when they try to quit it can kill them cause its a heroine like withdraw, basically oxycontin is heroine just in a "legal" form. I know my dad was in pain and I know that he's not anymore, but its just the way he died, He died trying to better himself by stopping a very bad habit that doctors got him hooked on cause they like to cover up a problem and not FIX the problem . I know not all docs are like that but a lot are. I think pills like that should not be aloud period. I just wish my dad could be here to see how happy I am now with my boyfriend and my girls, how things really are better for me in life now then they have been. He only rally got to see me make a lot of really stupid decisions in my life, I wish he could see this part. I wish he knew how truly happy I am now with seth and how great he is with my kids. I miss him.........