Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.... a little humor for you guys...  

These appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference - includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8
PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The
congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the
park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come
prepared to sin.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to
be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell"to someone who doesn't care much about you .
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They
need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24
in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their
school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
"What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our
choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration of
some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication
to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every
kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday
afternoon.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after
the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the
pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I upped My Pledge - Up Yours".