Comments you got while coping with a miscarriage
By meiteoh
@meiteoh (416)
Switzerland
May 7, 2008 3:20pm CST
I'm new at this and am one of the few among my friends who 1) got married, 2) got pregnant and 3) went through a miscarriage.
Background story: I'm Asian and well, there are heaps of old wives tales in my culture, superstitions per se, when it comes to pregnancies. Things like how you shouldn't move, you shouldn't tell people, you shouldn't clean house, you shouldn't exercise, you shouldn't drink or eat cold stuff, etc, etc...
The thing is when I got pregnant, I was really excited because it was our first baby and my hubby likes children so I went around telling people. We also had to move to a new place so there was no way in getting out of that one and I don't work (yes, due to circumstances, I'm a "home manager") so I do most of the cooking and cleaning.
When I had the miscarriage, the doctors informed me that it was a blighted ovum (basically fertilized egg got implanted but no embryo was forming) and that it is a genetic fluke. They also said that my reproductive organs are working and in good shape; a blood test about three months ago also revealed that I was in good shape.
Anyway, my parents were the first to know and I basically got told that it was my fault. My mum's words were exactly this "I hope this will teach you a lesson not to tell people next time coz now I have to break the bad news to people". My dad went on and on about how I shouldn't have done this or that.
And hearing that from your own mother was extremely hurtful...it still makes me sad when I think of it. After that, my friends came in and started going on and on about how my body was weak, how I didn't do this or that.
The thing I am beginning to wonder was whether this was an Asian thing or what coz my hubby's family (they are French) were very supportive and understanding. My sister-in-law, stepmother-in-law and mother-in-law were all going "Don't worry, it's not your fault, you'll have kids...I went through it, etc, etc".
Did anyone had to go through the same thing or is it just me???
1 person likes this
3 responses
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
10 May 08
i am from asia too, and i am married to my wife 5 years now and we have a two year old baby. my wife got a lot of miscarriages to before we hit the jackpot. i dont think that the miscarriage is link with because you told people that you are pregnant. it was meant to be thats why it happened. they dont know how excited us when we found out that will are going to have a baby and it is part of being happy sharing it to our relatives and friends. but just to make sure your parents wont get angry to you then just dont let people know it. pregnancy is not that easy to hide so let them find out for themselves. you of course will have a child dont worry. my wife has settled her self with only one. she dont like to have kids anymore because of all the heartache of miscarriage she had before our son. i respect that. goodluck
@ejaji123 (96)
• India
8 May 08
It might be an Asian thing to some extent. But then again, this type of attitude/behavior is also an individual thing. Because not all Asians are like that. however, a lot of them are. There are all sorts of superstitions, etc. A lot of people don't go by the facts or scientific logic and instead, have irrational thinking according to their beliefs. So, don't feel bad. I feel sorry to hear your mom talked like that to you, because what happened was not your fault. And even if it was, it's your own personal loss (not theirs) which they should give you comfort and condolescences for, instead of blaming you. Your inlaw's have the correct attitude. You should always look to the future.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
11 May 08
I am an Asian too, my friend and when I read your story, it really saddens me. Asian belief or not, it's not cool for your mom to say that to you. I mean, she should have taken care of your 'delicate condition' more rather than thinking of what other would say. And that I would say is Asian's beliefs. They care too much about what people think and say, but in reality, these people do not whatsoever contribute to anything at all; only their ignorance and prickly words.
I'd say don't give up making babies. You still have a long way to go. Just take it as destiny and fate for your miscarriage and I hope that you will be healthy soon. Take care and do not worry about it so much yeah. :)-
