how do you deal with step children?

I helped raise three stepchildren, so I have a little experience! Their mother wasn't passed away, but she wasn't in the picture much. My first piece of advice is not to step into a parenting role too quickly. Leave the other parent to do the disciplining, at least at first, but you have a right to expect the children to treat you with respect, and the other parent should insist on this. Try to be someone they can learn to count on when they need help or just someone to talk to without being judged. It takes time for blended families to start feeling like a real family, sometimes even years. If their parent passed away recently, they may still be in mourning, so be considerate of their feelings. It's not uncommon for stepkids to resent the stepparent, especially in the beginning. There may be issues of jealousy, and if you move into their home with the remaining parent, they may feel you're encroaching on their territory. These are things that only time and patience will take care of. I must add that even though we went through some difficult times, now that my stepchildren are all grown they are my best friends! They've also blessed us with many lovely grandchildren. Stepparenting is a thankless job while they're young but will pay off richly later in life!